The Mystery of Masculine Homosexual Desire

Human desire, but especially sexual longing, is a deep, awesome, complex Mystery: it is Godly, noble and holy and at the same time profoundly wounded and disordered, by sin. In this arena more than any other the intermingling of "wheat and weeds" is dense and formidable. The traditional understanding of "concupiscence" instructs us that all of us, in distinctive ways, are "sick" in our heart, desire and will. But the teachings of people St. John Paul II, Pope Benedict and Fr. Giussani have unveiled for us, more clearly, the divinely-inspired essence of desire. The recent provisional statement out of the Synod on the Family spoke of the "gifts and graces" that are available to us from people with same-sex attractions. While firmly, even passionately, on the conservative side of the culture wars, I welcomed this refreshing statement. I think of my dear friends who are gifted/afflicted with this disposition: they are so often sensitive, compassionate, intelligent, generous, creative, spiritual and admirable men. In homosexual relationships, as the provisional document stated, there is often the deepest empathy, support, self-sacrifice and goodness. It is good for the Church...the Synod, the Pope, and all of us...to say this loudly and clearly. Traditionalists need not be afraid: this is simply SO true! But there is another side of the coin: this desire includes a tendency towards sexual engagement that is sterile, extrinsic (non-unitive) and disordered. This is simply the truth! Additionally, this inclination is generally associated with wounds involving identity, paternity, authority, women and masculine self-esteem. And so there is good news and bad about the homosexual inclination: the conservatives are afraid to acknowledge the good lest it be seen as a capitulation to the Spirit of the Age while liberals get hysterical at any mention of the dark side. Both need to be seen: but what is most important is the heart or the root of the desire. At bottom, I believe, is not a sexual wish at all, but something deeper: the longing for connection, for intimacy, for communion with the paternal, with that which is strong and virile and gentle and affirming. At the deeper level, then, masculine same-sex desire is a longing for fatherly and brotherly love. It is at its core a holy, worthy, and ennobling desire...that must be correctly directed. And so, it is for all of us as brothers-in-Christ warmly, chastely, confidently and tenderly welcome our brothers with open arms in a fatherly and brotherly way. We need not fear this desire...We can embrace it...Gently and firmly we can direct it towards its satisfaction: the holy, fraternal intimacy with Jesus Christ and with His and our merciful Father.