Feminine Dimension of the Masculine Priesthood

If masculinity becomes mature, complete and fruitful only in union with the feminine, normally in marriage, what are we to make of the male-only, celibate Catholic priesthood? How does the priest fulfill his virility without intimacy with a wife or lover? Consider the custom of past generations in which a young man as young as 13 or 14 would leave his family for the minor seminary and live out the remainder of his life in the male-only environment of the rectory or its equivalent. Normally, such priests would be cautioned to avoid private, intimate, one-on-one relationships with attractive women as near occasions of sin. Are we to assume that such priests were destined for a sterile bachelorhood, permanently expelled from closeness with the feminine? Consider also that men are less adept at intimacy and relationships than are women so we can easily imagine a typical priest as lonely and isolated: friendly with his fellow clerics but in a shy, distant manner, devoid of real intimacy. Recall the classic injunction in seminary formation against “particular friendships” and we seem to have a sure-proof recipe for a lonely, isolated, sterile and one-sided masculinity.

Clearly, the sterile and desiccated virility of the bachelor is a danger for the celibate. And surely we have known fine priests who have suffered in this condition. The prevalence of alcoholism in an earlier clerical culture was surely symptomatic of this deeper loneliness. And much of the animus against mandatory celibacy draws from an aversion to such virginity as sterile, misogynist and dysfunctional.

But the reality proves this anxiety to largely mistaken: so many priests are balanced, virile and appreciative of the feminine. How can this be?

A preliminary observation is that many priests are close to their mothers and even attribute their vocations to mom’s faith. It is not unusual for a daughter to identify quite closely with the values and aspirations of her father and the son with those of his mother. Think of Augustine and Monica.

We can see then that many men are drawn into the priesthood from a close, nurturing, affirming relationship with mother. If they successfully complete the oedipal transition into mimetic identification with the father they carry through their life a liberated closeness to and appreciation for the feminine. It is true that inordinate attachment to mom may itself be a sign of immaturity and an incomplete oedipal passage but surely a healthy attachment-to-and-detachment-from mom is the first building block for a healthy priestly identity.

Consider also that a priest’s ministry is mostly with women. Certainly in our culture, women are more religious and more attracted to the Church. Daily mass, in my experience, usually shows at least a 2-to-1 ratio of women-to-men. So a priest may be far more involved with women, on a daily, basis then with men.

At least some of this involvement, in confession, spiritual direction and pastoral counseling is of a most intimate nature in that the woman unveils her interior sufferings and longings. Imagine such a reception of confession of sin, suffering and longing and the dispensation of absolution, comfort, guidance and encouragement…Is it possible to imagine a more tender, virile, donative, generative and even spousal intimacy?

A harder case would be the priest who works only with males: in an all-boys school , a seminary or the military. Note, however, that the priest is usually in the role of father, pastor, healer, guide, protector, consoler and encourager. It is especially important that for us Catholics the priest is always “Father”… this indicates that he is paternal, masculine in the fullest sense of nurturer, giver of life, tender, protective… He is, in other words, the embodiment of virility in its maturity, including the feminine dimension. A recent study showed that testosterone levels of men decrease when they become fathers; no doubt a similarly wholesome development occurs in ordinary fatherly ministry.

The priest sacrifices (“makes holy”) and sublimates his own spousal and paternal urges to express the uber-virility, the hyper-spousality, and the super-paternity of Christ. He surrenders himself to a virginal, fraternal , but also bridal, intimacy with Christ in order to become himself an icon of Christ the Groom and Father. He allows himself to be filled with Christ’s love for his bridal Church. He assumes the most masculine of roles as father, authority, governor, guide, groom, teacher, law-giver, disciplinarian, leader, and sanctifier…in relation to the Church and each person as bride, son or daughter, and beloved. The priest surrenders his virility…his sexuality, his autonomy, his time and resources…in sublime appreciation for and donation to the feminine… the virginal, maternal, bridal, Marian Church.