The Confessional Act

Slowly re-reading Adrienne von Speyr's spiritual masterpiece Confession intensifies my awareness of the confessional act. For Speyr, of course, confession is first of all about God's goodness, not our own evil. In this sense, Jesus and Mary are the quintessential confessors, sinless even as they proclaim God's victory over sin. For us sinners, however, confession is different and seems to entail three coincident moments. First,we acknowledge, manifest, unveil our wrongdoing. We confess: I did bad. We are transparent, vulnerable, and brutally honest. Secondly, however, this is done with two fundamental attitudes: that I regret and renounce what I have done (and what I, to some degree, am) and secondly that I hope for and beg for pardon. The first half of the attitude shows a split in the soul: I do what I do not want to do. I am what I do not want to be. "Hi, I am Bill. I am an alcoholic." With these words, the 12-stepper reveals a split: I know I am out of control of my drinking but at the deepest level I want to be free. The second attitude is an act of Hope: what I long for, inner freedom and forgiveness, I request, hopefully. The third moment comes from the Other, from beyond myself, it is the pardon, the absolution, the reconciliation as I sense myself accepted, affirmed, embraced in love, specifically in my badness. The confessional act is never isolated or discrete but always erupts within a larger drama: it is prepared for by the awakening of contrition in the conscience, and it fructifies in acts of reparation, gratitude, amendment and praise. And so, Confession defines the life of the Catholic: we live from confession to confession, basking in the afterglow of the previous encounter, and moving towards and longing for then next release into Mercy. A heartfelt apology to the loved one I have hurt, a good confession, a genuine 12-step sharing, a charismatic experience of inner healing and deliverance from evil, and many a breakthrough therapeutic session...all have at their core the risky, exhilarating, liberating act of confession.