Polarities of Vocation and State of Life

My daughter's unusual and sometimes confusing vocation has caused me to reflect. Having professed herself in Christ to a life of evangelical poverty, chastity and obedience within the community of Memores Domini ("Rememberers of the Lord") she lives actively as a lay person in the world and is not a nun or a sister and even avoids the language of "vow" and "consecration."  Most of us Catholics can't quite put our minds around this. I think this is because we simplify "vocation" into a single polarity:  lay/married and priest-or-religious.  It may be helpful to identify four distinct but overlapping and interpenetrating polarities: apostolic mission vs. regular life; celibacy and marriage; sacraments of orders and matrimony; and the religious (called out of the world) and lay states. The primal New Testament distinction involved those called by Christ to share in his mission of proclaiming the Kingdom and the Word. These would be his 12 apostles, the other disciples sent out in pairs, and Paul and others. Many wanted to follow him but were told, in no uncertain terms, to return to their normal lives. Mary and Joseph were not called to apostolic ministry. Secondly, we have the call to virginity. Most of the apostles, disciples and early priests and bishops were not virgins although Jesus, Mary, Paul and probably Joseph and John were. But the spontaneous, passionate embrace of virginity, especially by young women, was one of the great Christian shocks to the pagan and Jewish worlds which had nothing even remotely similar. The independence and defiance of Roman patriarchy by such young virgins was as confounding as their embrace of martyrdom.     Thirdly we have the sacraments of orders and matrimony which complement each other but are neither incompatible nor necessary. We have married deacons who are bound in conjugal union and yet ordained for a special ecclesial or apostolic ministry. At the same time, many single and professed abstain from both sacraments. The last polarity contrasts ordinary "lay" life in society with a "religious" call out of the world into the monastary or hermitage. This was unknown to the apostolic church but initiated by the desert fathers and dominated the medieval world.  Virginity ordinarily accompanies this life although there have been some (in my view misguided) attempts to fuse marriage with such a retreat from the world. The classical religious community would be a cloistered community, common in the middle ages, but the more active, "apostolic" orders (inspired by St. Vincent De Paul and his followers) who work in the lay world in teaching and service of the needy are "religious" and yet "lay" in a sense. And so, we have in the Catholic Church a rich variety of combinations.  We have married couples who are called to an apostolic mission such as the itinerants of the Neocatechumenal Way or the Maryknoll affiliates; we have consecrated, celibate religious (such as my nephew who is a Franciscan Friar of the Renewal) who are not ordained and yet serve actively among the poor of this world; we have consecrated virgins who are not ordained and who have no specific apostolic mission other than the ordinary baptismal life of prayer, service and holiness. Indeed, all of these variations are expressions of the deeper, foundational union we all share with Christ and in Christ through baptism. Balthasar has taught us that such life in Christ inexorably urges us to a gift of self, normally in a clear and definitive manner in  the vows that constitute matrimony or virginity. But this simple, unifying commonality expresses itself in a rich and variegated symphony as our charisms and missions work mysteriously together for God's glory, our salvation and the transformation of Creation.


P.S.  Is one vocation or state of life superior to another?  Yes and No. The final issue is holiness of life and so we can imagine that the greatest living saint might be someone who is not ordained, not called to ministry, not vowed to virginity and not blessed with matrimony. Think of someone patiently suffering a great affliction! Perhaps mental illness! But objectively there is hierarchy, or actually three different hierarchies.  First, the virginal state is superior not just because it involves heroic self-sacrifice but because it is a truer realization of the Kingdom of Heaven in imitation of Jesus and Mary. Secondly, the graces of the sacraments are very special and powerful and have a certain pre-eminence. Lastly, a special call to apostolic-ecclesial service does set one aside and above the ordinary pursuits of society. And so, a celibate, ordained, and apostolic Christian has a special pre-emience. But that does not translate into personal holiness. Indeed, more is expected of such a person and failure in holiness for this special one is more gravely sinful. Additionally, within a genuine Catholic culture there are clearly three privileged and sacred roles. First, those who suffer, physically or psychologically, have a special closeness to Christ and are to be honored. Secondly, those who identify closely with the poor and suffering have a particularly strong blessing. Lastly, and especially in a society so misguided as our own, a special honor is due those who witness to truth in catechesis, teaching, preaching and writing. Great is the need for such witness!

Suprised by Grace: An American Beauty

In the 1999 classic American Beauty Kevin Spacey gives an astonishing performance as Lester, a no-life conformist suburbanite who breaks free from stale job and sterile marriage to embark on a journey of liberation by buying a hot rod, surrendering to his lustful fantasy about his daugher's sexy cheerleader friend, working out, smoking very good pot, venting his anger at his wife (a hilarious, delightful Annete Bening) and fleeing to a job with very, very low responsibility (flipping burgers at a fast food place.) His is the quintessential male midlife crisis. A psychologist would call this regression. His path would warm the hearts of Marcuse, Reich, Kinsey, Mead and all the geniuses of perversion who inspired the Cultural Revolution that transformed our society in the decades leading to this movie. Common sense (that has become uncommon since the 1960s) would see that this is a path to futility and despair. But the movie has a delightful, supernatural surprise in store! The story is narrated by the voice of the now deceased Lester in a tone of deep appreciation and peace from a heavenly, but not stereotypicaly  pious perspective. The object of his lust is an arrogant, aggressive, and seductive young blonde. The plot builds to the climax: he finally "gets" her as she surrenders herself. As he unbuttons her blouse, something deeper is unveiled. Timidly, fearfully she says: "This is my first time. I am sorry I am not better at this!"  Her facade has disappeared and she shows her real, vulnerable self.  Lester smiles lovingly, paternally. He reaches for a shirt and covers her protectively. He embraces her tenderly, chastely. In an instant they are both transformed...A Miracle! Through no merit or effort of his own, Lester is granted a revelation, a manifestation...of  the truer, deeper beauty, indeed the splendor, of this precious, fragile, misguided young woman. And this awakens within him, at last, his own greatness as a man, his paternity, his true virility. Lester's narrative is illuminated by that of his mentor: his daughter's adolescent boyfriend who is at the same time a drug user and dealer and a genius and mystic who may be mentally unstable. He explains that he had heard a heavenly voice assure him that "there is nothing to fear, ever!" and he had come to experience the heart-piercing Beauty that surrounds and permeates everything. Through the influence of his deviant saintly mentor and the self-disclosure of his Beloved, Lester is drawn into the Kingdom of Delight and Goodness! This movie is especially refreshing for a believer in that it entirely transcends moralism:  not only is Lester not trying to be good, but he is trying to be bad. But where sin abounds, so much more does grace! Something mysterious, efficacious, transcendent intervenes to bring him Joy and make him good. Balthasar would approve: it is Beauty that finally triumphs, not our own feeble efforts at virtue or vice...in a Drama of sheer Splendor! We see that his ridiculous, embarassing erotic fascination and her manipulative seductiveness were both mysteriously anticipatory of a heavenly Encounter, a genuine Event of piercing Loveliness!

Josephite Homosexual Union?

Fr. Groeschel said: "I would not have expected this, but I have come to know homosexual couples who out of love  for each other and God  have returned to the Church and a chaste life together as brothers." So interesting!  It is not at all uncommon, a gay friend assured me last week, that one or both members of gay or lesbian relationship lose interest in sex due to age, health, medicines and such.  He was interested in my thoughts about his budding romance. I cautioned:  every romance is doomed to self-destruct  eventually ... and the higher you go the deeper you fall ... after which there is heartbreak or transformation into something deeper and truer... a love rooted in forgiveness and contrition, generosity, faith and sacrifice. I recalled a homosexual couple who have taken in about a dozen disabled children and I remembered the worst of the aids epidemic and the many who cared for  their loved ones through suffering onto death.  I assured him of my prayers for his relationship but made it clear that that prayer included chastity. He was less than enthused  with the blessing. Later I thought to myself:  how about something like a Josephite union for such a couple?  In Catholic tradition a Josephite marriage is like that of Mary and St. Joseph: a real marriage but without sexual intercourse. To my knowledge, the Church has no definite teaching on such and it seems in tension with our pronounced emphasis on the procreative meaning of marriage.  But in unique and unusual cases, it seems to have borne fruit.  The Maritains (Jacques and Raissa) famously consecrated their union to a mission of truth. The blessed Quatrocci couple made the vow after having children... a more normal path. The Martin couple (parents of St. Terese) lived thus until directed otherwise by their spiritual director. I have known of one such couple in my own community. Could a homosexual couple, male or female, live together chastely in something like a marital union? It seems to me that such is not impossible and not wrong. I suspect many couples have lived thus...quietly, humbly, anonymously. It seems particularly congenial to the feminine psyche. Our sexual yearnings, I deeply believe, are informed by a deeper emotional/spiritual hunger for loving communion. We cannot rule out that Grace might create a true, holy union in a same-sex partnership.  It is unusual but not forbidden and might well be a holy thing.  I cannot imagine that the Church could officially, in principle,  endorse such a union, if it has not done so for heterosexual couples. And our understanding of gender, complimentarity and the marital union clearly indicate that a same-sex union by its nature would be less than fully conjugal. Nevertheless, it seems to me possible that such a friendship might participate, in a less than full manner, in the graces of spousal love if it is informed by purity, abstinence, generosity, compassion, mutual forgiveness and contrition, faith and a shared mission of love. I can imagine a spiritual director finding grace and sacrifice in such a companionship and encouraging participation in the sacraments if appearance of scandal is avoided. Wise discretion would be necessary but we want to always be open to the surprising workings of grace!