Contempt: Underrated

A God without wrath is bringing a people without sin into a kingdom without judgement by a Christ without the cross.     Richard Niebuhr

Hate the sin. Love the sinner.   My mother taught me this.

Contempt gets a bad rap. But it has its place. It is a combination of anger and disgust. It is analogous to physical disgust as when one retreats from a foul smell. On the moral level it is aversion to evil, sin, decadence. As such it is a wholesome response.

Psychology.  Psychology doesn't like contempt. Marriage counselors will tell you that the number one predictor of divorce is contempt. Anger, disagreement, hurt, disappointment, criticism...are all fine. But contempt for the spouse is a no-no. One might say that psychologists have contempt for contempt.

Politics. The binary polarization in our society and Church have moved many sound moral voices...Arthur Brooks, Charlie Camosy, Johnathan Haidt...to call for civility, dialogue, listening, openness and a transcendence of the warfare. I am not so sure.

\Case Study 1.  Imagine: your neighbor, a wealthy business man, father of a large family, is a vicious misogynist, racist, homophobe and anti-Semite. He physically and emotionally abuses his wife and children. He sexually abuses poor, teenage women who work for him. You hold him in contempt. Should you overcome this with open-mindedness, civility, and love? No way Jose! First of all you want to shun him, keep your kids away from him. Second you may want to help his wife legally get the separation, divorce, restraining order, child care payments and custody of the kids. Thirdly, you want to help the young women file complaints. This guy needs to go to jail. And, if he doesn't change, to hell. 

Case Study 2. Wouldn't it have been so much better if the bishops and vicars, on hearing the very first reports of priestly abuse of teen boys, had gotten sick to their stomach and run to the bathroom and vomited? And then, indignantly, demanded full investigation! It was a failing of the bishops/vicars that they were deficient in moral contempt!

Wrath and Contempt.  God in holiness and truth is wrathful in the face of evil: absolutely intolerant. He destroys it. Completely. He is not vulnerable to contempt as that is flesh-based in its disgust. We as sinners do not share in his wrath. But the response of contempt to evil is a good thing. Imagine a man is considering adultery. The best thing for him would be to surge with contempt:  That is disgusting!

Problem with Contempt is twofold: it can poison the soul as it might target the sinner as well as the sin.

Contempt, like anxiety-resentment-jealousy, is a negativity, an immune response of the psyche, an inflammation against a pathogen that can itself poison the spirit. It can feed on itself and intensify and thereby deplete the soul of joy, peace and love. It has a role to play, but it must move the person (to shun, confront, combat) but then must recede and allow the soul to return to serenity and rest. 

The problem is the failure to distinguish the sin and the sinner. This is essential. We must hate the sin but love the sinner. There is an identification of the sin and sinner; but it is not absolute. At the AA meeting one hears: "I am Matt. I am an alcoholic." This is a profound, paradoxical statement. Matt is saying "I am an alcoholic; but I am distinguishing myself from this addiction; I am hear to share and listen and work my program and get free." He is saying he is NOT his alcoholism. So it is with every sinner. God looks with wrath upon the sin but mercy upon the sinner. We need to emulate that. So we despise the moral evil; but have compassion upon the person bound by sin.

What to do with Contempt?

Like every emotion, contempt cannot be repressed, ignored, avoided or transcended. It must first be accepted, recognized, and appropriately expressed. After consideration, if the aversion is rational and reality-based, the offender must be shunned, confronted, and combatted as prudence dictates. However further steps are required, lest the person be objectified and oneself poisoned with inflammation. These steps seem prudent: First, a detachment from the object. Secondly, and most important of all, the turn to prayer about the situation and the offender. This applies to any aversion or attraction: the turn to God has automatic efficacy as ones attention is drawn away from the object and toward the All-Good. Human consciousness is structured such that we can attend directly to only one object: If I am praying, praising, thanking, imploring, confessing then the grip of the obsessive object is broken immediately. Thirdly, we pray for the offender, seeking a space within him/her of possibility and receptivity and thereby we express love and free ourselves from the negative obsession. Fourthly, we pray out of our own weakness, sin, arrogance and need for God's mercy. Thereby we establish a certain solidarity, in sin, with the offender and a shared need for Divine assistance. Lastly, it is important that the void left by the fleeing contempt be filled with things that are holy, true and beautiful so further prayer, liturgy, friendship, reading, singing and such are used to further heal and strengthen the soul. 

Conclusion.  There is no shortcut or escape from moral contempt. In the battle with evil it is the required first step. Without it one surrenders feebly to sin. But the proper channeling of it is an arduous task: acceptance,  detachment, confrontation, combat, prayer as intercession and self-confession, and final strengthening.