Saturday, July 12, 2025

The Irenic, Catholic Spirit of Leo XIV in an Age of Demonizing, Polarizing Ideologies

Prior to any substantive decisions, Pope Leo signaled...by demeanor, style, deportment, temperament and history...a radical "vibe shift": irenic and (small "c") catholic. Irenic in that he seeks peace and reconciliation, across divides of fear, anger, hatred. Catholic in that he seeks the good and true in everything, including the adversary and those in error. My hope is that he is able to do this in allegiance to the Deposit of Faith and Truth entrusted to him.

"Ideology," in the toxic, negative sense, is a vision of political reality that:

1. Vastly simplifies social life all its richness, complexity, nuance, depth, ambiguity and mystery into stiff, narrow terms.

2. Is fueled, unconsciously, by fear, anxiety, defensiveness, resentment, rage,  scapegoating and rash judgment.

3. Demonizes the adversary, seeing all evil; and defensively justifies the wrong on its own side.

Our world, nation and Church are viciously polarized, divided by resentment, fear, rage and judgement.  Leo is like a refreshing breeze from heaven...even before he speaks or acts.

Immediately upon his election, I surged with joy and relief. I have been in a good mood ever since! This is very personal for me. For 50 years I have been a loyal, zealous Catholic Culture Warrior, defensive of my faith inheritance against  progressive/liberational elite and the liberal wing of our Church which are both hostile to core Catholic values. However large majorities of my friends, family and those with whom I work significantly agree with the opposition on key issues. This has been a sadness for my for the entirety of my adult life. Leo points for me a path forward: loyal to truth, but free of fear and anger and open to the other, even the other in error.

I expect Leo to preserve what was best in Francis: his eagerness to come close to those far from the Church. I expect him to free us from the confusion and volatility of Francis. I expect he will move slowly, judiciously, carefully, sensitively to preserve what is best from the past. I do not expect from him the lucid, profound, virile teaching we received from John Paul and Benedict. But I expect him to reverence and protect that legacy. 

In family discussion I have been told: "You are listening too much to Fox News!" Likewise, from another family member: "I would not even touch the NY Times." Both comments manifest an ideological suspicion: a sense of moral contamination. If I watch Fox or read the Times I efficaciously become infected with error and evil. I probably get 20% of my news from Fox; I am a proud member of the Fox family of Bret and Martha. I get about 15% from the Times and 10% from CNN. I am a member of those families as well. I have been reading the Times for 60 years and will do so until I die. They are not perfect: what family is?

I agree with Fox about 80%; with CNN about the same; with the Times about 75%. The cultural/moral issues most important to me align with Fox about 95%. But when it comes to reporting and analysis of global diplomacy, economics and such I find CNN and The Times most helpful. I accept and value and critique the Times for what it is: a professional, competent, progressive, Jewish newspaper.

My aspiration going forward is to maintain the intensity and clarity of my convictions as I build communion with those with differing views...always in confidence, peace, openness, and love. 

Wednesday, July 9, 2025

Senility Cancelled: Boomer Gerontocracy in Denial

Let's bring back senility,  as a good word!

Approaching the end of my 78th year, I prefer to think of myself as suffering/enjoying early, mild senility. I am suffering, involuntarily/slowly/inevitably: loss of speed, stamina, balance, strength, concentration, memory, executive functioning. I am enjoying: serenity, slowness, memory, gratitude, contemplation, (theological virtue of) hope, consideration of the legacy I received and now hand on.  The powers that be would deny me use of that perfectly good word "senility." Google Search says that the word is "outdated." This is given in a dictatorial, infallible, strident, intolerant tone. "Outdated" in the progressive, WOKE, technical, algorithmic universe of ChatGBT means: useless, disposable, contemptible. Deplorable! Not to be used!

The word simply denotes: old, aged, experienced.

In a world of wisdom, tradition, transcendence, and authority senility connotes: wise, valuable, connected with the past, serene, generous, free.

In a world of techno-dominance, materialism, disbelief, meritocracy, youth-worship, obsession with novelty and change, the word connotes: disabled, incompetent, disposable, contemptible.  

The word has no meaning in modern medicine as a diagnostic category. Fair enough! The word never presumed itself as scientific and technical. It is common sense: things in the natural world age, reach a peak of thriving, decline, eventually die and decompose. This is the nature of things! Everything in the natural universe enters senility, age, decline, irreversible movement to death.

I...traditional, anti-woke, anti-progressive...will not be told by some AI algorithm that the word senile is outdated. I will boldly use it! Yes, I am myself in early stage of senility...gratefully, hopefully, peacefully.

Joe Biden is the glaring example of an aging generation, clinging to power, status and self-importance; desperate in denial of decline, senescence and death;  and systemically denying youth their place in the world. It is not just that his advisors, Jill/Hunter, the DNC and liberal press conspired to hide his blatant senility. Half of society, the blue half, was in a viral contagion of denial. He clung to power with the complicity of the entire liberal establishment: enabling and so emasculating Hunter, denying his granddaughter, impulsively and catastrophically disengaging from Afghanistan, and enfeebling our entire nation with the weakness of a King Theoden (of Lord of the Rings, before his exorcism by Gandalf the White.)

Trump, due to his personality (extroverted, narcissistic, combative, hyper-energetic and confident) manifests a different, hypo-manic style of senility: impulsive, incoherent, volatile, grandiose, attention-seeking, disruptive, and wildly unstable.

This geriatro-phobia pervades society well beyond the White House! Nancy Pelosi, Bernie Sanders, Mitch McConnell, Chuck Schumer!  In academia, tenured professors cling to status, tenure and income so that younger scholars are denied positions. The Boomer generation was indulged and spoiled in the prosperity of the post-war era and largely continues in a narcissistic posture. Biden and Trump, contrasts in style, outdo each other in narcissistic self-indulgence. For example, the entitlement programs of Medicare and social security are not viable for the future; but they are politically untouchable; and are saddling our offspring with interminable debt. We are simply eating our children and their children.

So, what is senility in a correct understanding?

A slowing-down, a restfulness, a serenity.

Memory, contemplation, reception, enjoyment.

Gratitude.

Hope: supernaturally, for heaven, which is not far off, but without presumption.

Hope: naturally, for our children and theirs and the world we leave behind.

Growing small; that the young may grow big.

Decluttering of mind and heart; loss of data and detail; deeper immersion into the boundless informing of all things by the Good, True and Beautiful.

May we all, with God's help, in serene senility, grow in age, grace and wisdom; peace and patience; faith, hope and love.


Saturday, July 5, 2025

The Joy of Co-Grandparenting

With all its AI and algorithms, Google Search does not know co-grandparenting. It seems to be unknown to academic psychology, sociology and anthropology. I myself have been practicing it for over 20 years but only last week recognized it intellectually in the structure, interiority, complexity, integrity, purpose and radiance of its form. In an earlier essay, I was numbering those upon the living whom I most admire and thought of my daughters-and-sons-in-law. And then of their parents, our co-grandparents. This gave me much joy.

My wife and I often agree in gratitude about our marvelous in-laws. This is an immense blessing! There is a lot involved here.

The joy of grandparenting itself is a superlative surprise, especially when the parents are united, competent and loving. In this case, grandparenting is sheer joy, free of stress, something-of-heaven-on-earth. 

Honestly, most people don't want to hear about our little ones' cuteness, athletics, photos, or "my grandson is an honor roll student in PS 27" bumper stickers. Who does? Our co-grandparents: their joy exactly mirrors our own. 

It is the nature of things that every human has, biologically, two grandmothers and two grandfathers. The artificiality of technology cannot change the nature of things. In contemplating a grandchild, we are overwhelmed by the absolute uniqueness in front of us. And also amazed that in this "creation from nothing" God used my personal DNA for one quarter material of the project. Great pride in that! But also gratitude to the other three grandparents who contributed equally! The four of us share an utterly distinctive joy around this one person.

I might have imagined that I would compete with the other grandfather to be number 1.  Happily, that is not the case. Quite the contrary, I am delighted that the little one benefits from two, not one grandfather. Love is not jealous!

The God-imaging mystery of the human family centers in the one, and only one, relationship that is absolutely exclusive, entirely intimate/unitive, and mutually possessive: the spousal love of husband and wife.  All the others lack such closure and open up to more. One benefits from having more brothers/sisters, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc. But a husband has one wife; a wife one husband; and every child four grandparents, no more no less. 

Let's think about "in-laws!" The words are inadequate to the reality. Yes, there is a legal dimension. But we have always understood the covenant dimension: two distinct families are drawn into a communion, a covenant, an implied vow of loyalty that is almost-but-not-quite blood. For Catholics, of course, the permanent sacramental bond adds a supernatural dimension. The blood boundaries of family are clear and real, but pourous as they open to the flow of love between families and beyond. So, for example, I am bound, through my own 8 siblings and 7 children, to hundreds of others in a permanent, stable, reliable alliance of loyalty and affection. That is amazing!

In our case, three of our six families live out of state, three close to us; so we spend more time with half of our grandchildren. We are delighted that the other half live near our co-grandparents so they get attention we cannot give. Our more rare times with them are that much more special. Clearly, it is all part of a splendid providential plan, in which co-parenting plays a quiet, modest, significant if unheralded role.

My closest co-parent is of course my wife. It is a most joyous shared task. It deepens and strengthens our own marriage. One might think that after almost 55 years of marriage things would get easier. Well...yes and no! There are deep roots of mutual respect, affection, gratitude. But there remain dark dynamics: residual hurts and resentments, mutual irritations, conflicts of will...all worsened by the weariness and weakness of aging. My own love for my wife is intensified in gratitude to her for her love for our little ones.

We co-grandparents play a singular and happy role in the family. When we gaze on our little ones, we know that even in the natural order something of us endures in our descendants. At the same time, we recall our own parents, grandparents and ancestors with whom we retain a bond, naturally in blood, historically in culture, and spiritually in the Communion of Saints.

Six of our seven children are married so we have twelve co-grandparents. Two are now deceased. They are wildly diverse: ethnicity, class, profession, location, religion, and such. Each is marvelous!

Let us all give thanks for our co-grandparents, grandchildren, and our own grandparents!


Friday, July 4, 2025

A Catholic Among Republicans: Stranger in a Strange World

For 50 years, as an observant Catholic and an "almost-never-Trumper" moral conservative, I have registered and voted  Republican to defend what is most precious: innocent-defenseless-incompetent human life, the realities of sexuality-gender-marriage-family, freedom to practice our faith, the common good, the natural order, connection with tradition and openness to the Eternal. My interior, formal, constitutive identity is Catholic, not Republican: informed by communion with the global Church, the souls in purgatory and the saints in heaven. My relationship to the Church is filial, spousal, intimate, substantial; my relationship with this party is extrinsic, pragmatic, transactional,  accidental, utilitarian, and provisional. The party is an umbrella coalition of forces that are distinct and sometimes incompatible and contradictory of each other.

Like the Hebrews in Egypt in the time of patriarch Joseph and the Jews in Babylon in the time of Daniel/Shadrack/Mishack/Abednego/Judith/Ester, our challenge is to cooperate with the hegemonic empire while retaining the integrity of our faith. This essay will consider our allies in the party and the ways they contradict our Catholic values lest we be seduced, compromised and corrupted.

1. Personal Depravity of Donald Trump.

Absolute disregard for truth and any objective order, shameless disrespect for others (especially opponents, immigrants, etc.), and flaming narcissism all make our President an anti-role model.

2. Incoherent MAGA Populist Rage.

The preternatural demagogic energies of MAGA flow from fear, resentment, anger. A clear, coherent, sensible program is not offered. Rather, charismatically, Trump channels irrational, violent energies that are vulnerable to xenophobia, toxic nationalism, white ethnic identity politics, isolationism, ideological demonization of the opponents, disregard for constitutional restraints and order, and a Nietzchean macho-authoritarianism. 

3. Rich Capitalists.

The actual economic policy of Trump is not populist or working class, but capitalist. His "one beautiful bill" primarily helps the rich to get richer while it recklessly increases debt and deficit and cuts back on medicaid. 

4. Libertarians.

Philosophically, this school is most contradictory of Catholic communitarianism and care for the least powerful. It elevates the autonomous, competent, agential, isolated individual in an implied Nietzcheanism that discards the powerless, in the womb, in infirmity or senility.

5. TechBros.

The pivot of powerful technocrats (Musk, Thiele) towards an anti-WOKE conservatism is one of the big changes in the 2024 election. Ross Douthat entertains hope that these might collaborate with moral conservatives in creation of a new policy. I am skeptical. Musk and Thiele both work from a disordered moral basis, regarding the limits of technology as well as the nature of family/sexuality. Eventually, there is a contradiction between these two schools.

6. Isolationism vs. Internationalism. 

 This divide within the party is largely generational as youth are reactive against recent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan  as senseless. My own version of Catholicism is strongly interventionist, not in the neoconservative confidence in democratic capitalism, but for two reasons: our solidarity with all peoples and the reality of very bad actors (China, Iran, Russia, North Korea, Venezuela, Jihadist militance) which can only be contravailed by lethal force. 

Collaboration and Conflict within Detachment

Politics is not everything; it is not nothing. It is the arena in which we defend and elaborate what is most sacred. The conservative mind recognizes that most of life, yes social life, is largely but not entirely free from politics and government: family, religion, civil organizations/activities, art, music, entertainment, and culture in general. Such conservatism participates in Republican politics within a detachment, withholding exaggerated ideological investment. This leaves us free of demonization of our adversaries so that we can cooperate with them on causes that our good. This allows a return to cooperation across the aisle that has been lost in the age of Trump and Biden/Harris

 Three Reasons for Joy, Hope and Gratitude

First, our new Pope Leo XIV displays an irenic spirit, a moderation, a judiciousness, a quiet and confident prudence that hopefully will become contagious across the Church and the world.

Second, Justice Amy Comey Barrett is respected as a calm, reconciling voice; the significant swing vote on the court; with a capacity to transcend narrow ideology in professional jurisprudence. Her decisions will be decisive in reigning in the dictatorial impulses of Trump.

Lastly, J.D. and Usha Vance. Liberals, moderates, and never-Trump conservatives are disappointed that he has apparently sold his soul to the devil. I view him as a work-in-progress and retain hopes for him. We all know his story: fatherless; gifted, intelligent, charismatic; hillbilly; travelled across the marines, Yale, finance, and now politics. A fine intellect and searching spirit has brought him into the Catholic Church; but he remains a baby in the faith. His roots leave him as tribal and combative and so he has thrown himself into the Agon of politics and is a perfect protege for Trump. I am hopeful because of his wife and his Mother the Church. Usha is impressive: refined, lovely, intelligent, she seems to be largely non-political. There is absolutely NOTHING MAGA about her. He clearly has looked to her as a mentor in climbing out of hillbilly-land. Not Christian, she nevertheless radiates a spiritual goodness, beauty and truth. She surely will have a good influence; in the long game, a countervailing balance to Trump. I am hopeful that as his reading of Rene Girard led him towards the Church, his fine mind will find other influences to bring him beyond the entrapping MAGA ideology. I would hope that he find a father figure, perhaps a priest spiritual director, to develop in him a wholesome, holy paternity.

The possibility that a Catholic integralism might take power within the Republican Party is vastly improbable, but not inconceivable. My hopes are more modest. That we as Catholics cooperate and compete in the political arena to defend our way of life and our values. We don't have to win in the political arena. But we will fight the good fight and run the good race. 

 

Thursday, July 3, 2025

Why "On the Waterfront" is the Best Movie Ever

1. Marlon Brando's portrayal of Terry Malloy is simply spectacular: tough city kid, but tender with Edie and the teens and the pigeons (calls to mind Mike Tyson) and tormented in conscience.

2. The iconic car conversation with big brother, Charlie the Gent, the famous "...Charlie, you were my brother..."you shooda taken care of me a little...I coulda had class, I coulda been a somebody, I coulda been a contender"...is the most poignant dialogue in cinematic history.

3. The dialogue is all crisp, simple, piercing, perfect.

4. The flirtation and romance between Terry and Edie is heart-piercingly innocent, tender, passionate, erotic yet restrained and respectful. Eva Marie Saint is exquisite as the virginal, protected girl from a convent school who is smitten with Terry. The atmosphere of violence, danger, menace, guilt and regret serve to heighten the sexual tension.

5. Karl Malden's Father Barry (based on real-life Jesuit John Corridan) is among the very best priest portrayals in the movies. He is real, credible, like many an urban Irish priest of the 1950s. His raging, prophetic harangue in the pit of the ship over the body of just-murdered Dugan is a classic!

6. The drab, cloudy, black-and-white urban visuals and audibles drape the narrative in menace and threat. The music is very evocative of the mood. The pivotal scene in which Terry confesses to Edie is overwhelming: a loud fog horn  drowns out the words so we can only observe the horrified expression of Edie and the tormented look of Terry and his words repeated; "...I swear to God, Edie...I swear to God!"

7, Lee J. Cobb as angry, violent, vicious mob boss Johnny Friendly is overwhelming as antagonist. His cronies have a comedic aspect but are an entertaining bunch. There is no glamorizing of the Mob as in many classic movies of this type. Everything is gritty, tough, urban, harsh. 

I may favor this movie because I come from a family of union men, was myself a teamster before I became a supervisor of truck drivers, recall my youthful experiences on beer trucks and of "shaping" in the caddy yard like the dock workers, and lived my adult life in Jersey City a few miles from the Hoboken docks. The entire movie felt real.

8. The finale. Among the best movie endings ever! Having struck a blow against Johnny in the criminal hearing, Terry is now despised in his community as a "canary." He confronts and fights Johnny on the dock and is beaten brutally by the goons. With a little assist from Fr. Barry and Edie he pulls himself up and walks up the dock, hook in hand, barely able to keep his balance, his face beaten and bloody, now leading the dock workers to the ship. It is a stunning visual of the masculine  mission and identity: to fight, to sacrifice, to spill blood. And to walk triumphantly, wounds bleeding, like Christ in his passion!

Tuesday, July 1, 2025

The Gender Divide within a Catholic Family in the Age of Trump

 Our six sisters voted for Harris and, with varying degrees of intensity, are horrified that their three brothers voted for Trump. The much discussed "gender divide" is pronounced in our family.

We are serious about religion and  politics. The two are distinct, but politics is an expression of deeper religious convictions. We were raised, in the 1950-60s, to be loyal to family, Church, the Democrats/Labor Movement, and the USA... in that order. Our "Leave it to Beaver" world collapsed in the Cultural Revolution of the late 1960s as the DNC turned culturally progressive and hostile to core Catholic values around powerless human life, gender, sexuality and other. In reaction to the Sexual Revolution, the Catholic community entered an interminable civil war: one side accommodating of and the other resistant to progressivism. An overly simplistic explanation would be that the brothers leaned more deeply into their Catholicism and the sisters their liberalism. That binary fails because the sisters themselves are deeply Catholic and view their politics as expressive of their faith. 

This essay will highlight specific ways in which masculinity/femininity contributed to this divide. To be sure, political (and all human) choice is overdetermined: the result of many factors including class, culture, place, time, personal idiosyncrasies of temperament, history, and choice. Fleckinstein will be accused of exaggeration of and obsession with gender. The plea, of course, is "guilty as charged." 

The binary is clear but far from pure and absolute. A recent PEW poll shows Catholics favored Trump 55-43%.  An earlier EWTN poll shows Catholic women favoring Harris 56-37% and men Trump 49-43%. Interestingly, our spouses all (with one exception) voted with us; as did, for the most part, our children. Our family suffers the polarization of our society and Church. We brothers disagree regularly, but are remarkably close in politics and religion. Our sisters, united in their vote for Harris, show more diversity as one is generally more conservative, two strongly progressive, and three maintain the dual allegiance (liberal and Catholic) received from our parents.

Here are gender differences that contribute to this troubling divide:

1. Mom and Dad: Boys Leaving and Girls Staying.  

"What would Mom and Dad, Aunt Grace and Uncle Eddy think of the three of you!"  Our youngest sister,  my closest collaborator in Magnificat Home,  shortly after the election, spoke with striking candor, directness, intensity. I was silent, speechless, awestruck.  I was being reprimanded authoritatively like a misbehaving boy. It gave me pause! She expressed the painful sense of betrayal shared by our six sisters. We brothers had betrayed the precious heritage of our parents and family. How had it come to this? 

(For context, consider:  although it cannot be spoken,  our family is a matriarchy, not because of the numbers (6-3), but due to the loyalty and cohesiveness of sister-power. This strong unit is pure democracy, without hierarchy. But probably the most influential is the youngest, by virtue of her  loving, humble, wise, openminded gentleness. She is like the swing vote on the Supreme Court. Meanwhile, in the minority, male, marginalized, rightwing sector I am honored as The Patriarch, first among equals to be sure...but covertly, always! So this reprimand of the oldest son by the youngest daughter was significant.)

After high school, each brother left for college out of state and never came really came home. The sisters stayed local, living with the family. Today, half a century later, our sisters mostly live a few miles from each other and are extremely close-knit. We brothers also love each other, but in a more distant, detached (geographical as well as emotional) way. 

Ideologically, our sisters remained faithful to our inherited ideology, we brothers broke away. The feminine psyche inherently retains an intimate connection, over a lifetime, especially with mother but also with father. ("Your son is a son until he finds himself a wife; your daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life.")The masculine life itinerary is defined by rupture and distancing from mother and later differentiation and sometimes conflict with father. Our family perfectly reflects this: we brothers (like the three little pigs) left mother to build our own homes, religiously and politically. Our sisters retain a  connection with the Catholic-Democrat honeymoon of the 1945-65 era.

2. Immigrants.

Compassion for immigrants is a Catholic value, strongly expressed by Popes Francis and Leo both, and very, very deeply felt and lived by our sisters. Perhaps nothing grieves them, properly, than the reality of hard working, decent but undocumented families arrested, jailed and deported back to poverty and violence. It is heartening that large majorities of our electorate favor closed borders and toughness on criminals but renounce deporting the undocumented that are not criminals. I share this compassion. At the same time,  we brothers entertain countervailing, more masculine values like boundaries.

3. Borders and Boundaries. 

The masculine ego and psyche is less  expansive, welcoming, fluid, pervious, generous, nurturing; it is more discrete, structured, legal, defensive, defined. Everything about the woman...hormones, morphology, neurology, psychology, spirituality, etc....is intended for the maternal embrace. Everything about a man is preparatory for the paternal mission. The man has a sharper sense of boundaries. And so, many of us blame Biden for the immigration mess we are now in. That open door policy was in part humanitarian to be sure. It also included appreciation that most would be voting Democrats, that our business/middle classes demand cheap labor for our financial privileges, and long term demographics (falling birth rate) require large numbers of immigrants. But it was also a deranged over-reaction against Trump. Biden failed to protect us: incentivized unaccompanied children, human trafficking, drugs, gangs, and terrorists. Needlessly, this aroused the anxiety, not of the affluent and professional classes, but of the underclass. This breath-takingly irresponsible, dysfunctional, destructive policy consolidated the Trump movement and led to his triumph. The 2024 election, for many of us,  was  about Biden, not Trump. 

Of course, Trump defeated Harris, not Biden. She was an extension of his pronounced weakness. She had exactly two clear ideas: Trump is very, very bad; legal abortion is very, very good. She trusted "reproductive rights" to drive her to victory. Trump wisely, in political calculation and also for the wellbeing of our nation, downplayed the issue. She became a misogynist's stereotype of the female as incoherent, indecisive, shrill, giggly, void of character and political vision.

4. Abortion and Choice.

A male, paternal protectiveness of the powerless embryo/mother is widely construed in our society as "patriarchal" or oppressive. And so women who are "pro-life" nevertheless vote "pro-choice" in reaction to an image of the conservative,  pro-life movement as male, wealthy, powerful, Republican, arrogant, ungenerous, judgmental, controlling. In fact, of course, the movement has been almost entirely driven by women and their powerful maternal energies. It is puzzling: our sisters (with one exception) may have never voted for a politician who was not pro-choice. But: no father in human history loved his daughters more than our father.  Additionally, they themselves love their husbands reverently and tenderly. Nevertheless, the women in our family share a strong ideological disgust for the Republican male, especially as preacher (eg. Huckabee), soldier (eg. McCann), and businessman (eg. Romney.) 

5. Global Warming and Environment 

We speak of "Mother Nature" and of "God, our heavenly Father." The male role of imaging The Father entails an element if distance, transcendence, abstraction, separation. The female role of mother means greater connection, closeness, empathy, communion. So we might expect our women to be closer to nature, gardening, physicality as men are more abstract, distant, systemic, managerial. Women feel more the vulnerability of others and of our physical environment itself. In our family women favor the medical profession (20, mostly nurses) and psychology (7); men number (5) in these two fields.  It is hard to imagine any male leading the global crusade as poignantly as the young Greta Thunberg. So a  difference in the emphasis on this issue between brothers and sisters is hardly surprising.

6. Masculinity of Trump

He is not a good man. He (refreshingly) does not pretend to be a good man. But he is a strong man.  When he won in 2016 I noted that he was a strong, but not a good, father figure. He defeated Hillary and Kamala, but lost to a competitive father figure, Joe Biden, who is charming and nice but weak. At the NATO conference last week the leader playfully referred to him as "Daddy." He loved it. NATO and much of the world is now looking to him as Dad. The unforgettable image of him when he was shot...blood flowing across his face, combatively pumping his fist ...may have propelled him to the White House as much as anything else. Any red-blooded male has to love it! The extraordinary B2 bombing of Iran last weekend is another gesture of vigorous virility. The electoral results, including among black and Hispanic men, show the appeal. Especially in contrast to his opponents, Biden/Harris.

7. Non-Virility of Biden

Joe Biden epitomizes the masculinity approved by progressive feminism: nice, charming, warm, conciliatory, pro-abortion, trusting in diplomacy, averse to combat, humorous, weak. What a man sees in Biden:

Refused to acknowledge or see his own little granddaughter, his own blood! Indulged and enabled his son Hunter, failing him as a father! Abandoned our allies catastrophically in Afghanistan! Betrayed his Catholic faith in cowardly surrender to abortion, LGBTQ, and the entire agenda of cultural liberalism! Failed to protect our national border! Expanded our deficit and debt, leaving a burden in the future for our young! (Yes I know Trump did the same.) Pampered those with college debt, burdening those who did not go to college or financed their education responsibly! Endorsed identity politics, BLM, "defund the police" approaches thus disparaging underclass whites as uneducated racists and homophobes.

Beyond himself, his entire cabinet emanated weakness, indecision, and a lack of virile energy, confidence, fortitude and purpose: Blinken, Garland, Buttigieg, Mayorkas, Harris. We still have no clear idea of who was ruling the nation and concealing his mental decline. Aside from Jill and Hunter, we were apparently governed by an group of anonymous bureaucrats. 

(Thought experiment: imagine you get into a bar fight with Xi, Putin, Kim, Chavez, some Tren de Aguas, and Hamas thugs! Who would you want in your corner? The cabinet members listed under Biden? I would go with Vance, Hegseth, Duffy, even little Marco and super-smart, gay-identifying Bessent. To be more gender-inclusive, I would go with Kristi, Tulsi, Pam and Karoline over Kamala and Hillary. But to be fair, I suspect AOC, Warren and Karine can handle themselves. In the geriatric division, against the Ayatollahs would you prefer Joe and Bernie, or The Donald himself? The question answers itself. This crude metaphor will be immediately obvious and pleasing to most men; nonsensical and repugnant to many women. But it is not ridiculous: our world today (as during the Cold War and WWII) is less like a boutique, high-end restaurant and more like a tough biker bar!)

I am surely not the only voter who was compelled to vote reluctantly for Trump as the lessor evil, several levels less depraved than Biden.

8. Culture War and Trump the Combatant.

Men are warriors by nature: hormonally, neurologically, morally, culturally, historically, religiously, ontologically. Women are not warriors by nature. They are peace makers, unifiers, reconcilers, nurturers. 

Sometime in the 1970s, we brothers realized that cultural progressivism, now hegemonic over elite culture, was at war with our Catholic faith. We became conservative, culture warriors, pro-life, Republican. Many Catholic women made peace with progressivism. They did not enter any war. They did not recognize such. "They had no dog in the fight." Some liked both sides; they reconciled them.

Paradoxically, given his personal decadence, Trump entered the Culture War on the side of tradition. And a powerful warrior he is! The Supreme Court! Just this week his DOJ filed suit against Washington State which is repressing the seal of confession in situations of abuse. Deplorable in many ways to the Catholic conscience, he is nevertheless our best friend in our battle to practice our faith against elite progressivism hostile to us.

9. Trump as Camp, Macho-Comedic, Performative.

Primarily a celebrity and entertainer, he is entirely performative and histrionic. A cartoon figure! He has always been for me the high school "wise guy:" pushing the boundaries, transgressive, indifferent to rules/courtesy/protocol, defiant of authority, prankish, hilarious, recklessly and vicariously expressive of the male id against the regressive, progressive, woke superego. At one level you hold him in contempt. but he is wildly entertaining. 

Stephen Adubatto and others have highlighted his "camp" closeness to gay culture. His outrageous, flamboyant deportment expresses a burlesque, faux-machismo the way the drag queen mimics femininity. Every day is Halloween for him. There is  a sense in which his politics is tongue-in-cheek. It is not just that he is good at what he does. But an extraordinary combination of his superhero energy/confidence with national/global developments have propelled him into a historical role that is unprecedented. Additionally, he surrounds himself with similarly freakish, circus, larger-than-life characters: Musk, Vance, Kennedy, Bannon, Miller, Homan, even Bessent.

The aggressive, ironic masculine mind appreciates this camp/comedic dimension. Our minds are more divided and split off. In one part of my mind, I am thoroughly enjoying his performance, especially his defiance of elite, liberal culture. With another part of my mind I deplore his moral decadence. With a third part I evaluate his policies: some very good and many very bad. For example, his disparaging of others with nicknames is morally vile, but it does trigger the 9-year old male sensibility in us. The feminine intellect...more compassionate, integral, unified...is disinclined to such aggressive, ironic humor. There is nothing funny about Trump. Most women do not get the joke.  That is mostly to their credit.

10. Mother-State, Narratives of Victimhood, and Suspicion of Authority as "Patriarchal."

Women lean left partly because maternal instincts of nurture look to the "mother state" to care for the poor, suffering, marginalized. This is the core Catholic principle of solidarity, at the heart of the Church's social doctrine. Since Pope Leo XIII the Church has rejected both socialist collectivism and capitalist individualism in favor of a communalism directed to the common good, subsidiarity, a mix of public/private economies, private property, unions for workers, and prudence in tax and regulation.

The male intellect entertains Catholic values in tension with such care. To start, a suspicion of  overreach, the regulatory deep state, the mega-bureaucracy, government as a smothering mother. This distrust is heightened when government accepts the agenda of sexual liberation: abortion on demand, tax funded contraception, gay marriage, transgender protections, and so forth. This masculine tendency can lean into privileges for big business such as low taxation and regulation. Alternatively, it can move in a more Catholic direction of subsidiarity, preference for the small, the local, the personal. Since World War II such subsidiarity has largely been forgotten, by Democrats who favor big government and by Republicans who privilege gigantic corporations. A more masculine Catholicism will prefer that works of mercy be performed in freedom, voluntarily in civil society and intermediate organizations, outside of the coercive arm of the state.

The compassion of the maternal heart also leads it toward sympathy with narratives of victimhood. For example, the viral video of George Floyd on the ground, struggling to breathe, foot on his throat evoked paroxysms of indignation across liberal America. We had riots/protests in the midst of the pandemic, BLM, CRT, and defund the police crusades. The perspective of one in authority, however,  might pause the rush to judgment to consider the difficulty of restraining and overwhelming such a powerful man who is intoxicated. Most men in our world have struggled in physical combat with a strong man and we realize that real physical violence is life-threatening. We know that physical resistance of a legal authority creates just such a life-threatening situation. One accustomed to such authority has some sympathy for the police, called to the scene of a strong, intoxicated, lifelong criminal who is breaking the law. 

And so we see that the feminine can be drawn to suspicion of the police as patriarchal, oppressive, and violent. Those who exercise paternal authority...as father, police, manager, mayor, etc....will have some sympathy for the policeman, soldier, prosecutor in the exercise of protective authority. It is notable that mirroring this feminine distrust of patriarchy is the masculine concern with a smothering, expanded, maternal government. Both seem to be defensive responses to government (like all of society) grown too big and powerful.

Conclusion.

The intention here has not been to advance the masculine viewpoint, but to consider how gender tendencies can lead us to different positions. Please pardon if  the intensity and clarity with which these convictions are held has become aggressive in tone.

Again, we seen in our family a microcosm of the broader society and Church. We brothers, separated by geography and profession, came to shared conclusions in our positioning of our Catholic faith against hegemonic cultural liberalism. Our sisters, with varying emphases, continue to mimic our parents in a reconciliation of Catholicism with liberalism. 

The good news! We just returned from a weeklong family vacation in Maine, a great blessing for our family; about 150 of us; something we have done for over 50 years. Great fun: eating, drinking, visiting, walks, runs, boating, frisbee, basketball, biking, book club, NBA finals, hockey championship, daily mass, shopping, reading, and more.

What didn't happen? No arguments about politics!  Some things ...  love of family and all the beauty we share ... really are more important than our differing political viewpoints!  A magnificent blessing: that we can disagree quite passionately about things of great importance, and yet set them aside for a time to delight in each other. In that Mom, Dad, Aunt Grace and Uncle Eddy can be pleased!




Wisest Non-Professional Psychologists

As a lifelong "wannabe" or (more positively) "amateur" psychologist, I have learned most about the human person from those outside of the credentialed, academic community. "Amateur" does not primarily mean untrained, unprofessional, or inferior. From the root word "amo" it means love: you do it or study it for love, not for achievement or money or recognition. In that sense, of course, a professional who truly professes also loves the work. I have learned much from mainline psychologists including Ericson, Jung, Freud, Horney, Szaz, and others.  Nevertheless my mentors have largely been maverick, original, amateur thinkers, well beyond the limitations of the science of psychology. In the time order in which I encountered them:

1. Philosophical Personalism.

Classically in Martin Buber's "I-Thou" this is fascination with the human person in its ineffable, even mystical dignity, depth, freedom, destiny, encounter with the other, community, and imagining of the Divine. Maritain, Marcel, Hildebrandt, Day, Maurin, Marcel, Ellul, Stein, Ratzinger, and John Paul II. In its strongest Catholic expressions it builds upon as it completes classic Thomistic realism and objectivity in metaphysics and epistemology. 

2. Ivan Illich. 

A wildly distinctive, eccentric, iconoclastic, anarchistic yet profoundly Catholic, even mystical personalist, a disciple of Maritain, Illich boldly illustrated in life and writing the person as agent, in freedom and convivial relationships/communities, of his destiny. He radically critiqued a modernity gone madly mechanistic, techno-manic, bureaucratic, meritocratic, clericalist, over-schooled but under-educated. Starkly an individual, he is neither member nor founder of a school (he detested schools.) But his thought is congenial with a group of thinkers (Ellul, Freire, Day/Maurin, Maritain, Goodman, Fromm, Holt) as radically anti-bourgeois but fiercely opposed to classical economic, class-war Marxism, to cultural Freudian-Marxism (Marcuse, Riek), to political liberalism, and to neo-liberal capitalist Republicanism. He is a forceful expression of Catholic subsidiarity.

3. Philip Rieff and Triumph of the Therapeutic.

At the very beginning of the Cultural Revolution this brilliant, Jewish cultural critic grasped the form of the world-shattering change occurring: the renunciation of traditions of morality, restrain, and responsibility in favor of the therapeutic, the enhancement of the narcissistic, expansive, indulged Self. His focus was not on the profession of psychology itself, but rather on the pervasive and profound cultural shift fueled by a popularized psychology. This is a classic that lives beyond its time.

4. Fr. Charles Curran. (Not the dissident moral theologian of the same name and time.) Curran worked with Carl Rogers but developed his ideas in a Catholic direction with pronounced emphasis on the importance of listening, particularly in education including on the part of the teacher. He is a sharp contrast to (ex-priest-Maryknoller) Eugene Kennedy who was popular at the time in developing Rogerian thinking to dissent from Catholic traditions.

5. Charismatic Practices of Healing and Deliverance of Evil Spirit's. Pentecostalism, including its Catholic form, retrieved practices of faith healing and deliverance within a wholistic, classic understanding of the human person. Ruth Carter Stapleton developed a sophisticated "healing of memories" which included a psychological remembrance of earlier traumas with a trust in the person of Jesus and the concrete workings of the Holy Spirit. Neil Lozano similarly developed a practice of deliverance from evil spirits which is theologically sound, focused on Jesus and the Holy Spirit in a gentle manner, and sophisticated psychologically in the recall of hurtful memories. These are known only to small niches and entirely ignored in Catholic schools  psychology.

6. Paul Vitz's Critique of Psychology as Religion. Formerly at NYU, this convert to Catholicism has written a series of books which critique psychology from within: Psychology as a Religion, The Christian Unconscious of Sigmund Freud, Faith of the Fatherless, and others. He psychoanalyzes the psychoanalysts! (BTW he directed my daughter's doctoral dissertation on the role of beauty in therapy.)

7. Theology of the Body of St. Pope John Paul II.  Reflecting on the anthropology of Genesis, these insights into gender/body/sexuality transformed my own life and represent THE authoritative answer to the sexual revolution and the the most profoundly creative, yet orthodox development in Catholic theology of the 20th century. 

8. Mimetic anthropology of Rene Girard. Especially as popularized by the gifted Gil Baile, this innovative body of thought opens an breathtaking window into the human person and community based upon our mimetic nature and sacrificial sacrifice. 

9. Scrutinies of Kiko Arguello and the Neocatechumenate. A step within the extraordinary itinerary of faith, the scrutiny, this involves lay catechists, without any professional training, scrutinizing (in the power of the Holy Spirit, much like the charismatic stuff above and 12-step below) the person's past and present for impediments to the action of God. Having observed it myself during my participation, I attest that it is miraculous.

10. 12-Step Recovery Program. This approach to addiction is nothing short of miraculous. It's principles are deeply spiritual in the best sense. It doesn't seem to be congenial for all.

11. Reparative Therapy. Widely and mistakenly confused with "conversion therapy" (attempt to change a person's sexual inclinations), this is rather directed to "repair" wounds to one's sexuality which may contribute to disorder. I personally found this approach (in Joseph Nicolosi, Elizabeth Moberly) particularly helpful in identifying the nature, origin and path ahead for my own sexual issues which are unrelated to homosexuality.

12. Yuval Levin on Institutions.  This measured Jewish, conservative moralist has highlighted the importance of institutions in a society gone madly individualistic, therapeutic and narcissistic. He sees that institutions (family, Church, school, military, politics, business) not only express our core values but also form our personalities, drawing us out of ourselves in the service of something greater. He is a perfect balance to the iconoclastic anarchy of Ivan Illich. It is not easy, but I think the two can be held together in a creative tension.


Conclusion.

These diverse, distinctive currents of thought countervail and correct the limitations of professional psychology as tending to the reductive, secular, liberal, individualistic, narcissistic.

More than that, they elaborate and enrich classic Catholic anthropology of the human person as created to image God in dignity, freedom, agency, community, chastity, integrity, simplicity and generosity. 

Wednesday, June 25, 2025

Most Admired and Despised among the Living

Most Admired (by me)

1. Kiko Arguello, founder of the Neocatechumenal Way.

2. Pope Leo XIV.

3. Ralph Martin and leadership of the Charismatic Renewal.

4. Bishop Robert Barron, Eric Varden and Archbishop Chaput.

5. Cardinals Zen, Sarah, Mueller, Burke, Pizzabella, Arinze, O'Malley, Dolan.

6. Fr. Mariuscz Koch and leaders of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal.

7. Dr. Dianne Trauflet (Seton Hall University) and Sister Marilyn Minter (Felician Sisters).

8. Supreme Court Justice Amy Comey Barret.

9. Theologians at the John Paul II Institute of the Family in Washington DC: Schindler, Hanby, Healy, Lopez, Crawford, McCarthy, Walker and Prosperi (formerly) and others.

10. Thinkers: Ross Douthat, Heather King, Yuval Levin, Mary Ann Glendon, Condoliza Rice, Patrick Dineen, Arthur Brooks, Peter Kreft, Gil Baile, R. Reno,  Robert George, George Weigel, Scott Hahn, Jordan Peterson, Jonathan Haight, Remi Brague.

11. Usha Vance.

12. Zelenskyy of the Ukraine.

13. Jimmy Caviezel, Mark Wahlberg, Jonathan Roumie, Eduardo Verastegui.

14. All our co-grandparents: Rita, Allie and Massey, Tom and Ann Marie, Janice, Scott and Karen, Mark and Linda.

15. Our daughter-in-laws Margaret and Kelli. Our son-in-laws Brian, Dave, Kevin, Joe.

16. Immaculate Conception Seminary's (Seton Hall University) Monsignor club:  Tom Guarino, Joe Reilly, Gerry McCarren, Richard Liddy. .

17. Christopher West, Jason Everett, Chris Stefanik...catechists of the Theology of the Body.


Most Despised (by me)

1. Hamas leadership and those involved in October 7, 2023.

2. Those who traffic children and young women, including Epstein and Coombs.

2. Joe Biden... his enablers/handlers/collaborators. 

3. Chairman Xi....and the CCP.

4. Kim Jong Un of North Korea.

5. Putin... his military and billionaire buddies. 

6. Cardinal Paglia and the unnamed lavender mafia of the Vatican.

7. Chavez of Venezuela and Ortega of Nicaragua. 

8. Khamenei and the Ayatollahs.  


Most Loved and Hated: (No one is close) Donald J. Trump


Dear Reader:  This is a fun and salutary exercise. Whom would you add? Delete? This is an organic grouping that needs to develop!




Monday, June 23, 2025

The Unveiling of Shame

 Shame is surely the most pervasive, undetected and pernicious of the toxic emotions. Anger, anxiety, depression, resentment and the others are relatively transparent. They manifest, announce themselves to the sufferer and those around him. Thus, they invite engagement, correction, confrontation, conversation, scrutiny, exploration, and resolution... interiorly and exteriorly. Not so with shame. Of its nature it is secretive. It hides itself in isolation, disconnection, sterility, paralysis, passivity, and stagnation.

What is Shame?

Shame is the interior, private judgment against oneself as worthless, bad, repulsive, disgusting and vile.

Paradoxically, it is private and subjective even as it is basically relational or social: it is an interior judgment of how I am viewed or would be viewed by others. 

It is distinct from guilt, even as the two interpenetrate each other. Guilt refers to a specific wrong act, while shame despises the entire person. I am guilty because I beat up my little brother or cheated on my wife. I am shameful because I am a bully, a bad person; I am constitutionally unfaithful. So guilt can be remedied by confession, amends, and reconciliation; after which I am restored to my state as "a good person." But shame is deeper, interior, systemic, penetrating: I am a bad person, period. Guilt is easily treated by sincere repentance. Shame is more inherent and resistant: when profound it is invulnerable to one's own agency or volition. Guilt deals with the moral...the good and the bad...in a straightforward fashion. Shame is closer to the aesthetic: I am inherently void of value, beauty, charm; I am ugly, despicable, distasteful. So, for example, we speak of "body shame": I am too skinny or fat; my ears/nose/eyes are too small or large. Such are features which define me regardless (for the most part) of my volition, effort, will power. 

Shame is so pernicious because it fosters and festers in secrecy. Shame tells me I am despicable; therefore any self-revelation to another will expose me to rejection. Shame thrives in isolation. The real cure for shame is connection: self-revelation and then positive regard, acceptance, respect, affection and delight from the other. Self-affirmations (such as those of Stuart Smalley of Saturday Night Live) are futile and self-evidently ridiculous. We need to trust and receive love from another. Shame cannot be banished by self-will, private agency, good thinking. The interior conviction of ones own disvalue in the eyes of others can only be overcome by valuation from another. Not from one's own subjectivity.  Such encounters are possible only in sacred places of confidentiality, reverence and affection: family or friend, counselor, Rabbi or priest, 12-step similar group. The overcoming of shame comes neither in privacy nor in public, but in privileged encounters of care and respect.

Men, Where Have You Gone?

In a poignant, insightful piece in today's (6/23/25) NY Times "Modern Love," Rachel Ducker grieves: "Men, Where Have You Gone? Please Come Back." Anecdotally, she notes the absence of men in public, in restaurants, where she sees groups of women, pairs of women and single women, but few men. She believes they are all isolated, "retreated from intimacy, hiding behind filters, firewalls and curated personas." She pleas: "You don't have to be perfect; you just have to be present. Just show up."

Casually, she makes a startling admission: "I spent over a decade behind the curtain of digital desire. As the custodian of records for Playboy and its affiliated hardcore properties, I was responsible for some of the world's most infringed-upon adult content. I worked ... to understand exactly what it took to get a man to pay for content he could easily find free.  We knew how to frame a face, a gesture, a moment of implication...just enough to ignite fantasy and open a wallet. I came to understand in exact terms what cues tempt the average 18-36-year-old cis heterosexual man. What drew him in. What kept him coming back. It wasn't intimacy. It wasn't mutuality. It was simulation...clean, fast, frictionless. In that world, there's no need for conversation. No effort. No curiosity. No reciprocity. No ones feelings to consider, no vulnerability to navigate. Just a closed loop of consumption." 

She is matter-of-fact: little mention of contrition or reparation. But clearly she is associating her work in porn with the male problem. She is not aware of the shame dimension.

 Phenomenology of Shame in the Theology of the Body of St. Pope John Paul II

Adam and Eve, innocent in the Garden before the fall into sin, were "naked without shame:" childlike, trusting, free, spontaneous. Immediately after the fall, they cover themselves in shame. John Paul sees that this response of shame was protective of their dignity. They retained, even after sin, the image of God in which they were created, innate, ineffable, inherent goodness. But this was now threatened by sin: personal/subjective and that of the other. Therefore, they cover themselves to protect their now vulnerable dignity: from their personal and other's contempt, lust, manipulation, deception, violence and degradation.

By this reading, shame is given a surprisingly positive reading: it is protective of inherent dignity. This is correct! We cover ourselves, we dress modestly, we speak respectfully, we exercise custody of the eyes...all to protect innocence and goodness. At a certain age, (is it 3? 4?) the child develops an appropriate sense of privacy in regard to the body, the bathroom, and such. This is a good thing. Like the other negative emotions (anger, anxiety, etc.) it is a troubling feeling, but has a positive task. To protect dignity. To say that one is "without shame" is a damning judgment: it means a fundamental lack of dignity. 

Shame, Porn, Masturbation and Emasculation

Porn consumption, voyeuristic compulsivity, erotic fantasy, and masturbation together are inherently private, isolating, shameful, and emasculating. Our Catholicism, but all ancient traditions and faiths, revere sexuality as sacred, as Godlike, as life-bearing, as incomparably intimate/unitive, and as coherent with the deepest dimension of the heart and soul. So we sense, deeply and intuitively in the conscience, that misuse of sexuality is sacrilegious and shameful. 

The aim of the sexual revolution of the 1960s and the resulting cultural liberalism is to subdue, repress, cancel this "shame" so that we might indulge in free sex, detached from marriage and family, deaf to the interior voice of conscience.

Rachel Drucker, writing in the NY Times, is surely such a cultural progressive, deeply in denial of shame. She was herself a key agent in the pornographic assault on the innocence of our youth, but seems oblivious of it.

She is a woman and does not understand masculine sexuality and shame. A man in a compulsive porn/masturbation habit may well be dealing with and self-medicating anxiety, depression, inadequacy and prior shame. But this exercise heightens the isolation and loneliness, as in all addictions, and deepens the self-condemnation. In a vicious cycle, the habit intensifies shame and isolation; the self-loathing is than medicated by the indulgence. All the time masculine self-esteem is depleted. 

For a man to  engage a woman...in conversation, cooperation, friendship, intimacy, courtship and marriage... he needs interior confidence, energy, peace, and strength. To appreciate, revere and delight in femininity, a man requires a strong sense of his own masculine worth. A degree of insecurity is surely normal and widespread. A degree is fine: no one wants a cocky, overconfident, righteous man. But such normal insecurity needs to coexist with an interior sense of worth, received in loving relationships and accompanying accomplishments and encouragements. A man drawn into porn and "self-abuse" (a traditional term which might be retrieved) is depleted of self worth, of agency, of courage, of boldness and infected with self-contempt. Porn and masturbation are emasculating.

Male Sexuality and Shame

In my adolescence, the explosion of sexual desire was accompanied by powerful guilt/shame/anxiety. The  narrative of cultural liberalism would, of course, disparage this as the result of my Catholic indoctrination. I do not see it that way.

We did learn, of course, of the sacredness of sex within marriage and that any sexual activity outside of that is seriously sinful. We learned that even thoughts, desires and intentions were to be carefully scrutinized as possible movements toward sin. This was, on the whole, presented in a low key, matter-of-fact manner. My parents and people in general did not talk about it. The topic of sex was surrounded by a reverent silence. In retrospect, my criticism of my upbringing is that the topic was too little discussed. It was avoided, by priests at mass and the sisters and brothers who taught us. 

I see my adolescent-and-ongoing shame/guilt/fear, not as resulting from negative socialization, but as a basically normal and healthy response, cautious/fearful/vigilant, to powerful, overwhelming passons. The reality of male sexuality, in the condition of concupiscence after the Fall, is violent, irrational, chaotic, overwhelming, and menacing. This toxicity is inherent, constitutive of our sinful nature. It is not a superficial socialization that can be overcome by some Me-Too movement or an enlightened, therapeutic approach to sex.

And so, shame around sexual desire is a wholesome, normal thing. It is a warning. A call to prayer, discipline, repentance and confession. It is an impulse to seek, vigorously, purity of heart. Imagine:  an insecure, anxious young man powerfully drawn to fantasize about pictures of voluptuous women; a married woman, unhappy with an inattentive husband, who delights in the attention of another man and imagines romance with him; a happily married man inordinately attracted, physically and emotionally to other women...all of these properly arouse shame/guilt in a healthy conscience, arouse vigilance, arouse a sense of urgency in prayer, sacrament and habit of life. 

Homosexuality and Gay "Liberation"

Sex between men is mutual masturbation. It is not unitive, intimate, open to life or to the Holy. It is properly shameful. For men it is additionally emasculating as there is an inherent, unavoidable dynamic of domination in the mechanics of the various contortions: there is always an "upper" and a "lower." This finds blatant expression in slang, street language in which the deepest insult to one's masculinity is reference to male-on-male sex.

The goal of gay liberation is to overcome shame by affirming such sex as normal and wholesome.  It is a key component of the broader sexual liberation: detachment of sex from fertility, marriage, generational communion, tradition, and the supernatural. This entire effort, like the "contra-cepted" acts themselves,  is sterile and futile. Uprooted from community, tradition and fidelity, it isolates sex as individualistic, deracinated, narcissistic, shameful and hopeless.

The Fragile Masculine Identity of the Homosexual: the Proposals of Eve Tushnet

The attainment of a mature masculine identity, in the best circumstances...mentoring, father figures, camaraderie, support, correction, encouragement, opportunity, cis-heterosexual inclinations...is a long, tentative and perilous journey. I have to think it is 10 times harder for the homosexual with all that added anxiety, insecurity, social stigma and awkwardness. We care about this suffering.

The argument here is that "gay affirmation" is eventually futile, self-defeating and cruel. It is a desperation to cancel, repress, and deny feelings of shame that are inevitable and normal. The very word "gay" is ironic in a perverse way: it denies the unavoidable suffering that accompanies the state. It offers the false hope that social stigma alone, rather than the very moral order and concupiscence, is the source of the shame. So it promises, falsely, that the overcoming of social homophobia will eliminate shame and suffering and bring happiness.

On the other hand, a traditional moralistic/voluntaristic approach..."just be chaste"...does not adequately address the dense, profound emotional realities involved with same-sex attraction. It is far more than physical sex. It is accompanied by complexities of feelings, passions, sufferings, values, sensitivities, appreciations, charisms, difficulties...positives and negatives both. Sexuality is always more than physical: it permeates the entire person, touching the deepest parts of heart and soul.

And so we have the interesting figure of Eve Tushnet who identifies happily as lesbian, chaste Catholic. She sees them as compatible. She explores new kinds of relationships/covenants/friendships which are sexually chaste and yet quasi-spousal in regard to romantic energy, affective intimacy and exclusivity.

Hers is a fascinating, provocative proposal. It is valuable in that it expands the Catholic conversation beyond the physical to the more important emotional/psychological. From the perspective of our tradition however, these new quasi-spousal relationships are problematic. Our sexual ethos distinguishes sharply: friendship vs. marital and premarital intimacy; celibacy and spousal fidelity; sacraments of marriage and orders; the states of consecration, priesthood and the laity. While a chaste, intimate and holy relationship with the same sex may be possible, with the grace of God, in exceptional cases, it is a dangerous experiment. Since the passionate intimacy, exclusiveness, and mutuality in possessiveness is not rooted in and open to the full nuptial mystery in its natural and supernatural fullness, it presents many dangers. Prudence would caution that intimacy needs be met within the traditional practices of friendship and family.

I number among my friends a number of men...singles, priests, religious...who live celibate, holy lives as they identify as "gay." On friend opened up to me about his sexuality in the weeks before his death. Clearly this meant more to him than the mere performance of sex. I read of a nursing home in which gays/lesbians resented prejudice. One might wonder: at that stage, does it matter? Well it matters quite a bit. As mentioned, sexuality permeates and penetrates the person powerfully and deeply, in all dimensions. 

The homosexual needs to grow in esteem, virility, confidence and freedom from shame in intimate relationships: family, friendships, counseling and therapy, confession and spiritual direction. 12-step and support groups. Such provide protection, confidentiality, honesty and an itinerary into chastity as sexual sobriety. Freedom will not be found in privacy, isolation, disconnection. Nor will it be found in the publicity of "coming out," parades, pride month, and ideological crusading. And yet we can thank the Gay Movement for bringing to our attention the severe suffering of the homosexual.

Courage, the confidential support group for homosexuals who practice the Catholic ethos is much despised by sexual progressives, but it does seem to offer just such an environment of authenticity, acceptance, support, and encouragement. 

Befriending Shame

Shame is our enemy only when it remains secretive, isolated, closeted, disconnected. When it is recognized, scrutinized, and shared in appropriate relationships it becomes a friend. At its core, it is protection of our dignity. It is a trigger warning, like anxiety or anger, that something may be wrong: a threat to our innocence and integrity. As a feeling it is far from infallible so it must be scrutinized. Oftentimes it is pointing to a reality which must be acknowledged, corrected, repented, amended. Often enough it is mistaken, residual from earlier difficulties, traumas, mistakes. In that case it can be gently dismissed. 

Shame around sexuality is entirely normal and wholesome. It is a testimony to three realities. First, that one's libidinal, romantic energies are still burning. Secondly, that one's conscience is sensitive and vigorous. Lastly, that one's concupiscence (inherited propensity to sin) is strong and being confronted. A priest in confession told me that my body would be cold in the grave four days before I am relieved of these passions. 

Let us attend, anxiety-free, to our shame. Let us welcome, scrutinize and question it. Let us share it prudently with friend, family, priest, therapist. Let us bring it to the Lord in prayer. Let us invoke the Holy Spirit and all the gifts of purity, continence, fidelity, virility, serenity, and generosity. 

 







 


Friday, June 6, 2025

A Complete Sucker: the Cophetua Complex

 "He is a sucker, a complete sucker for any needy woman. A complete sucker!" My wife repeated the indictment against me several times, as in a  chant or a prayer, with considerable emphasis on "sucker."  My daughter, who is always protective of me, nodded her head in quiet, serious, reluctant agreement. My son-in-law laughed heartily as he also repeated, with evident sympathy: "Ouch! Ouch! Oh No! Ouch! Ouch!" My plea:  "Guilty as charged!"

"I had no idea whatever of falling in love with her.  For one thing, she was beautiful, and beautiful women, especially if they are intelligent, arouse within me a deep feeling of inferiority. I don't know if psychologists have yet named the Cophetua complex, but I have always found it hard to feel sexual desire without some sense of superiority, mental or physical."  Maurice Bendix, protagonist-narrator in Graham Greene's The End of the Affair.

Fabled African King Cophetua was strangely free of any sexual attraction until one day he looked out his window and saw a beautiful, very poor beggar woman, Penelophon, on the street below. He  fell madly in love with her; ran down; told her he wanted to marry her or he would kill himself. She consented. They lived many years happily together and were much loved by their people.

More than 75 years after Greene's rumination about the "Cophetua Complex,"  it remains unknown in psychology but is evident to anyone with an interest in masculine psychology and sexuality. I asked my high school religion class of 17-18 year old girls what they looked for in a man partner. They surprised me:  he must be intelligent; he must make me laugh. I doubt many 18 year old males pine for an intelligent comedienne. It is not that we men do not cherish and enjoy, in women, intelligence, humor, character, confidence, status, agency, accomplishment, faith and spirituality. Such are integral to friendship and marriage, but such are not ordinarily romantic triggers. On the contrary, very many of us sympathize with the Greene protagonist: we feel inferior in the presence of such a woman, and therefore romantically disinclined. It is not unusual to meet a young woman whose outer beauty is excelled by her inner loveliness and yet she remains unattached: she is intimidating.

Obviously, this is in part male insecurity. But only in part. The argument here is that in normal, even wholesome masculine sexuality there is a passionate romantic-emotional-sexual response to a woman in need, a woman who has to be rescued. It is analogous to the ordinary response of women to babies: they coo and want to hold and caress the little one. The oxytocin surges. Something similar happens for the man faced with a woman at risk, in danger, in need. Paternal impulses are engaged; combined with attraction they become explosive. A man wants to be a hero. And wants to rescue the princess. 

In the movie The Firm, Tom Cruise,  very happily married, is employed by a law firm from hell. Away on a business trip on an exotic island, his mentor (Gene Hackman, of happy memory) invites him out for a few drinks and women. He declines, faithful to his wife. Walking quietly along the beach he hears a woman screaming and intervenes; the rapist flees. She is terrified and he walks her home. She asks that he stay with her a while as she is still frightened. She is petite, adorable. She seduces him; pictures are taken and used by the firm to blackmail and control him. This is a good man and a good husband. But the combination of needy, fragile, vulnerable, and beautiful woman is almost impossible to resist. I thought, upon watching this drama, the choice for fidelity and chastity would require, for most of us, a divine intervention, a blatant, powerful actual grace.  

Similarly, in Someone to Watch Over Me, Tom Berrenger plays a happily married NYPD detective assigned to protect a gorgeous socialite witness to a murder who is targeted by the gangster. Her life is at risk. She has a jerk of a boyfriend but no other positive male figures such as brother, father, friend, etc. Of course she falls for him; and he for her. Again, in the natural realm, which is also the arena of sin (world, flesh, devil), he is without defense. The combination of beauty and frailty is irresistible. The Cophetua complex is engaged; very powerful!

About half a century ago, when many priests left to marry, I noted with interest that often it was a needy woman, rather than a beautiful, talented, intelligent or accomplished woman that won his heart. The same nurturing, generous impulses that brought him into the priesthood led him out as he counseled a damsel in distress.

The chemistry here is the commingling of sexual attraction with paternal instincts...the urge to protect the fragile and vulnerable...that is so explosive. If the woman has, in addition to beauty and vulnerability, interior riches (feminine, maternal generosity; intelligence; humor; candor; courage; religious faith, etc.) than the male will be entirely captivated. 

Then there is the dark, even demonic side of the Cophetua syndrome. Some years ago, my then-JAG-lawyer son called me, more distraught and troubled than I have ever seen him, before or since. For months he had been preparing a rape prosecution case. Much work with the victim! The day before trial begins, at a preliminary hearing, he is with an expert sent down from the Pentagon to assist. The accused entered the room and the victim fell completely to pieces. The expert whispered: our case is done; it will be impossible to prosecute. It seems the victim and accused had a close friendship: the older man as mentor to the younger woman. Was the perpetrator from the beginning a calculating, grooming predator? Or did a genuine fraternal or paternal tenderness turn dark? Under the influence of alcohol?

The predator senses in the beggar woman, who is weak, powerless, bereft of social and personal resources, a vulnerable victim. The sexual aggressor is skilled in detecting and grooming the weak. Most of us men behavior properly most of the time, in spite of the raging libidinal fires within, for many reasons: social disapproval, voice of conscience, reverence for feminine virtue, and other. Not least of these is the intuition that the desired woman has power, stature, confidence and will not tolerate an indecent gesture or proposal.  The woman who is poor...not well connected and low in confidence...presents a strong temptation to the lustful man.

Considering all this, we see wisdom in old fashioned taboos and boundaries: for example, priests and married men avoid private and compromising situations with women. Such rules are largely discarded. They are worth reconsidering. A relative freedom is possible, however, when all involved know that the man is strong in his state of life, marriage or priesthood or vowed. The Cophetua inclination, in itself wholesome, if vulnerable to corruption, can be expressed fruitfully where precautions and vigilance are in place. 

On the woman's side, we see something analogous: the maternal inclination to nurture a man who is weak. On its own, of course, this is inadequate for a solid friendship or marriage. A healthy marriage, especially, builds upon many foundations: romantic/erotic attraction, friendship in things that are good, emotional maturity, moral character, Christlike agapic love, support of family/community, and religious faith. Part of this rich recipe is a good dose of paternal and maternal tenderness for each other. The husband is strong when the wife is weak; the wife strong when the husband is weak. Ideally, there is a fluid, creative dance between the two: a basic equality in partnership, along with a sensitivity and mutuality in deference, agency, receptivity and tenderness. That is why Cophetua and Penelophon delighted their people and lived happily ever after!


Sunday, June 1, 2025

"Heat" the Movie: Masculine Agon, Loneliness and Intimacy

It's not me, Babe,

No, No, No it's not me Babe,

It's not me you're looking for Babe.  Bob Dylan  

Home alone last night, I indulged in 174 minutes of a real guy movie: "Heat." I knew Pacino and De Niro, both in their prime, could not disappoint. I was not prepared for a tour de force, a masterpiece! This rates with The Godfather, Goodfellas, and A Bronx Tale; but deeper in insight, sensitivity and poignancy.

Hard criminal De Niro and obsessed detective Pacino, long before they meet, recognize in each other their equal. They are mirror, mimetic rivals: tough, smart, aggressive masters of their respective universes. It is a classical cat-and-mouse game, but unusually well done. They are doubles, almost doppelgangers, of each other. Which is why they know they must kill each other.

Exactly half way through the movie (which lasts almost 3 hours but feels like 5 minutes) they sit across from each other over a coffee in a dinner. It might be the best dialogue in any movie ever. They eye each other. Quiet. An indescribable feeling of awe. I am tempted to say mystically, they know each other, without words. Their facial expressions; the tone of voice. I cannot describe it. They speak a few words, but each is deep and true and penetrating. They reverence each other. A profound, mutual, virile affection. They know they will battle to kill each other. It is calm; sober; reverent. The plot prior to the coffee leads up to it; the plot after flows from it. This is classic male agon: rivalry, combat, warfare.

About it: a virile sobriety. In this age of the therapeutic and narcissistic, this is not about feelings. Not personal. This is business. They agree: De Niro does scores; Pacino chases bad guys. Not personal. No resentment, hurt feelings, victims. The cold objectivity of  a Supreme Court Judge; of the Catholic sacraments; of the magisterium of the Church; of a good 12-step meeting. Like NBA athletes who clobber each other furiously on the court but then enjoy jokes and drinks later. Like Lee and Grant and their generals at Appomattox: after years of killing each other, old friends from West Point, they are gracious, congenial, respectful and affectionate. Like dealings between management and union at UPS where I worked for 25 years. Company and union leaders both came up from the ranks: same class, culture, types. As son of a union organizer and nephew of a slew of union men, I respected my antagonists. We competed, but within a framework of objective rules and rubrics: the contract. When, according to the contract, I was wrong, I was wrong. Cut and dry. Nothing personal! No human resource involvement; no intersectionality; no victim groups; no hurt feelings. Objective. Sober.

The Dualistic Male World

Every man, from adolescence, lives in two worlds: that of home, mother, wife, family; and the outside arena of competition/teamwork, achievement/failure, life/death, win/lose. Every man knows this intuitively. A woman does not, emotionally, understand this. This includes: sports, fights, argument, politics, war, cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, crime gangs, culture war, geopolitics, spiritual combat, ad infinitum. Few movies capture so well the asymmetry, the dissonance between the two worlds as does Heat.

In the best case scenario, of course, the man triumphs in his arena of competition, becomes a "made man," and returns home, a hero (however modest) to provide and protect his cherished wife and family. But things often go awry. There are men who develop double lives: devoted husband and secretly a hit man, a spy, an active homosexual, a compulsive gambler or serial killer. My maternal uncle was an affectionate, if eccentric husband/father, a disorganized businessman and secretly an intelligence agent in South America.

In the small world of my own large extended family, over 40 marriages, almost all emulate (not my uncle, but) my father: respectable achievement in the arena but primacy given to family. This makes for stable families, happy wives and thriving children. There is another type of man, not necessarily better or worse, who loves family but is drawn strongly to some engagement in the world. This can be business, sports, politics, crime, scholarship, medicine, ministry or mission. On the positive side, these are great men of history, heroes, martyrs, often generous souls. But this is difficult, if not impossible, for the bride or wife. This can occur, more rarely, with women: read the heart-rending biography of Dorothy Day (Beauty Will Save the World) by her granddaughter Kate Hennessey. Such men will most probably fail in romance or marriage. Exceptional successes include when the wife has herself abundant personal/communal resources or herself shares in the man's purpose. The women in Heat were not so fortunate.

Female Roles in Heat

Generally, most gangster/crime movies are straight-up guy things: the women marginal as sexual/romantic interests or wives, suffering/saintly/victimized. Heat is exceptional. Four romances: each rich with mutual tenderness, reverence, longing, and finally tragedy. The women (including Ashley Judd and Amy Brenneman) are interesting characters, radiant with feminine warmth, charm, intelligence, strength, appeal and character. All four are doomed from the start: the males are entirely committed to the life of crime or police work. This is especially clear with the Pacino character: he is ruining his third marriage when his wife sadly tells him: "I get the leftovers; your heart goes always first to your work." He agrees. He cannot help himself. At a climatic, nerve wracking moment towards the end, De Niro is driving,  with lots of money and his beautiful girlfriend who is crazy about him, away from his life of crime to paradise in the Pacific; but you know he simply cannot keep himself from settling a final score.

(Aside:  this is some of the Catholic wisdom in requiring celibacy of our priests. Their work is so important that it must be the priority; the wife and children would have to be secondary. The sacrament of orders and matrimony are each so demanding that they cannot tolerate each other. This suggests a fundamental self-contradiction in the permanent married diaconate. And so, the Catholic husband always knows that his first and final loyalty is to his wife: not his mission, or profession, or cause, or mother, or even children! The Catholic husband who feeds the hungry, or kills the bad guys, or wins the war, but neglects wife and children will be ill prepared for final judgment (i.e. retribution 😃).

Male Loneliness and Intimacy

The co-protagonists are deeply lonely men. They are so evenly matched that neither can be demoted to antagonist. I found myself rooting more for the "bad guy" De Niro. Possibly because he is  always a favorite of mine. Possibly because Pacino is agitated, restless, frenzied (as in Scarface and Devils'Advocate) while De Niro is quiet, calm, brooding, and profoundly sad in a striking virility. In their contrasting ways, each is constitutionally incapable of permanence in union with a woman.

Their real love is for each other, strangely, that they engage, defeat, and thus somehow psychically incorporate the other. The entire movie is moving inexorably to the final combat. We know blood and death are inevitable. We don't know exactly how.  The ending may be the best ever in any movie: unexpected, surprising, but it makes complete sense. No spoiler here. I will just say that the ending, in a tiny gesture, epitomizes the toughness and tenderness of masculinity.

A subordinate theme, especially for the De Niro character, is the fraternal loyalty among the criminal buddies. John Voigt and Val Kilmer, partners and prison buddies of De Niro, give performances that would have stolen the movie if the main actors were anyone other than these two. As often in such mob movies, there is stirring code of loyalty here. These men would and do die for each other.

This is, finally, a love story. Primarily, between the co-protagonists who are inexorably drawn to engage each other in mortal combat. Secondly, among the friends in crime whose loyalty to each other is eventually stronger than their longing for the love of a woman and family. And finally, the futile and tragic craving of man and woman for each other in a world afire with masculine agon.

Another Aside:  The Catholic priesthood is inversely mirrored in the quasi-celibacy of the detective and criminals. Their wholehearted devotion to crime-fighting or crime mirrors the priests devotion to the work of Christ. The fraternity which they share with each other, but not with a woman, is likewise a mirror of priestly brotherhood. The difference: the celibate, masculine priesthood is a participation in the masculinity of Christ, which is heroic even as it is spousal in its love for the bridal Church. At its best, Catholic priesthood is both uber-masculine and fully/fruitfully spousal and paternal

Final Aside: The reflection here may shed some light on the strange, troubling, entirely camouflaged loneliness of President Donald Trump. He is deeply alone and isolated. He has no close friends. His relationship with Melania seems to be cold and distant. On the other hand, he has a bizarre infatuation with Putin. He is remembered by high school classmates as the guy who always had a "trophy girlfriend." This "trophy" phenomenon suggests a desperate attempt to secure male approval (affection) along with an indifference or even aversion to the woman herself. This sheds light on their marriage. But also on his emotive idealization of the vile Putin. Masculine in his physicality, Trump seems to harbor homosexual cravings, not corporal, but emotional.

Gratitude...for Mentors

I surge with gratitude and awe...as I consider my theological mentors.

Joseph Whelan S.J., mystic theologian who taught me theology of prayer and the Catholic mystics.

Avery Cardinal Dulles S.J., quintessential Catholic theologian as Catholic, comprehensive, deep, loyal, filial, humble, prayerful, judicious, brilliant. Taught me fundamental theology.

St. John Paul II, my hero. THE HERO of our time.

Pope Benedict: incomparable theologian and catechist. Humble, holy, brilliant.

David L. Schindler and his colleagues who gave us "Balthasar for Americans."

Ralph Martin and others in the Catholic Charismatic Renewal.

Also: Ivan Illich, Etienne Gilson, Jacques Maritain, Graham Green, Dorothy Day, Bill W., and Kiko Arguello. 


As the firstborn son of nine, I never had an older brother or sister. But the Lord provided a hundredfold:

Pat Williams, John Rapinich, John Wrynn S.J., Neil Dougherty S.J., Fr. Paul Viale, Brother Ray Murphy, Merryl Jacobson, Fr. Tim Tighe. 

Betty Hopf, Sister Joan Noreen, Sister Virginia Keane, Sister Patricia Brennan, Sister Maria Martha Joyce.

(If you are counting, that is four Jesuits and three Charities of Convent Station.)

I stand on the shoulders of giants!

Glory to God in all his holy and wise ones!


Thursday, May 29, 2025

Let's Bring Back Retribution

Retribution, etymologically, means "to assign back." Retribution for a business man would be to receive from his debtors and give to his creditors, thus restoring order. It refers to the just bestowal of reward and punishment, as by God in the afterlife. It is mistaken for vengeance. 

St. Thomas distinguished the two aims of punishment: to restrain or prevent violation and to restore order. The classic four part division is rehabilitation, protection, deterrence and retribution. The last deals with the restoration of order. The following continues a discussion about the disappearance, the "cancelling" of retribution, specifically in debate on capital punishment, including by our four recent popes. 

Consider these comforting, reassuring words:  "Rejoice beloved of my Father, receive the  Joy that has been prepared for you from the beginning of the world: I was innocent and you raped me; I was trusting and you betrayed me; I was fragile and you tortured me. Do not be afraid! My Father knows nothing of retribution, condemnation or wrath. He is only Mercy, Gentleness and Absolutely Unconditional Love for you just as you are."

We know, of course, that in his actual words, Jesus condemns to hell, not genocidal psychopaths, rapists and pedophiles, but those who fail to feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, visit the sick.

Hard fact, straight from Revelation, but ignored if not denied: Lucifer and his minions are condemned eternally to hell. Not to rehabilitate them, not to deter future sins, not to protect vulnerable angels. Out of sheer retribution. Wrath. Justice. Righteoussness. Condemnation. Stop, dear Reader, and ponder that for a bit. It is good for the soul. You are unlikely to be advised to do so by your parish priest, or bishop, or pope; much less your therapist or life coach!

On October 7, 2023 Hamas tortured and raped mothers before their children and children before their mothers; they emasculated and disembowled men; they took captives, innocent children and elderly, whom they still hold. The perpetuators deserve the death penalty. As a deterrent? Yes! As protection? Yes! As rehabilitation? Yes, in several ways: that they repent prior to final eternal judgement and for the Palestinian community to seek a new path. As retribution? Absolutely! It is right and just. Like Eichmann and the Nuremburg trials: dignity, presumption of innocence, due process, right to legal representation. If you viscerally resist this, beware! You may have unconsciously succumbed to our pervasive, undiagnosed pandemic of soft, effete, saccharine, sentimental secularity. 

The "R" word has become dirty and cancelled: Retribution.

Retribution: Opposite of Revenge

First of all, it is confounded with revenge; in reality it is its polar opposite. Revenge is a personal VICE of hatred and resentment. Retribution is a different category: it is a judicial decision, by an authority transcendent of the conflict (judge, jury, parent, referee, dean of discipline), who practices the VIRTUE justice by restoring order and balance through punishment and reward. 

Revenge: big brother hits little brother and little brother cracks big brother's head open with a baseball bat. 

Retribution: big brother hits little brother. Father observes. He has feelings of anger, protective of little guy. But he checks himself. Breathes deep, counts to ten. Calls them together in silence, allowing guilt in big guy to arise, hurt and anger of little guy to subside. Speaks calmly, solemnly with both. Explains the nature of bullying: big violates little. Explains blood obligation to protect little brother. Elicits apology. Allows time for little guy to heal. Directs big guy to leave the baseball field and rake leaves for an hour as retribution.

This example is, of course, heavy on fatherly discipline/rehabilitation, as well as deterrence and protection. But the retribution part is distinct and essential. Both parties, subjectively, require it. It allows the culprit to make reparation and then emerge guilt free. Failure of authority to impose negative restitution fosters unconscious infections of guilt and shame. Correct and just retribution allows the victim to heal and bring closure as order is in some way restored, the balance of justice is honored. Retribution fosters forgiveness; cheap mercy feeds into resentment. Retribution is the antidote to both guilt and resentment.

Divine and Human Retribution

Retribution is good: it is just, wrathful against evil, protective of order. In our world, retribution virtually always works in harmony with rehabilitation, deterrence and protection. But it is distinct onto itself. It is its own form. It finds pure expression in the afterlife, in God's judgment against the damned, angelic and human, and judgment for the saved.

Human justice on earth is a reflection of the divine; it includes retribution, but never revenge. All authority on earth is given from above and reflects that of heaven: parental, political, juridical, etc. Genuine mercy is real only in tension with justice, which is restitution, both reward and punishment.

Sentimentality and Sensibility

The retreat from retribution is in part sentimental: a feeling of aversion that flows from about 80 years in the West of comfort, affluence, security, and the triumph of the therapeutic. More deeply, it flows from secularity: indifference to the supernatural realms of God, heaven, Lucifer, hell, sin, damnation. Even where belief in God and heaven is prevalent, as in the USA, the comfort and security of our prosperity make for a forgetting of the supernatural, especially of sin and evil.

The daughter of the deceased mafia boss spoke of her cousin, who had  "ratted" on her father and remained in witness protection :"Dad is in a better place; but I will take care of my cousin as he would have."  Really?

The 9/11 attackers died as martyrs, expecting 100 brown-eyed virgins each as reward. Really?

Three times since being elected, Pope Leo has spoken of Pope Francis looking down upon us from heaven. Really?

Pope Francis assured his agnostic journalist friend that God sends no one to hell. Really?

Such presumption is so pervasive that it is assumed, unrecognized, accepted as normative. I have attended a number of funerals in which the priest homilist canonized the deceased; in some cases their shortcomings were blatant. Sentimentality!  Especially by the best of us. For about a century clergymen have been falling over each other in retreat from the vile, condemnatory priests that tormented Stephen Daedelus in the James Joyce classic "Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man." The worst thing imaginable for a priest since the 1960s is to hint at anything resembling divine judgement. We have succumbed to a mercy without justice, a compassion without wrath, an emotionalism without intellectual clarity.  

Contrast Bishops Sheen and Barron

Let's contrast Bishop Fulton Sheen with Bishop Robert Barron. They are unequaled as American prelates for their communication skills, erudition, intelligence, charm, orthodoxy and evident holiness of life. They differ in spirituality because of difference in their audiences. Sheen addressed audiences that had suffered the Depression, a world war, the holocaust, a contest with Soviet communism. He was extremely aware of the supernatural aspect of things. My primary1950s childhood memory was of his big joke that the angels erased his chalk boards. The supernatural was close at hand. That included Satan, hell, evil and sin. Bishop Barron is keenly sensitive to his audience: us indulged boomers and our children. He avoids topics like eternal hell or retribution in regard to capital punishment. He favors the theology of Balthasar with his "dare to hope" for the salvation of all.

Balthasar, John Paul, Benedict and Ralph Martin

In his important work, "Will Many Be Saved," Ralph Martin approvingly quotes Balthasar that Scripture contains two strains which must be kept intact and in tension: the triumphant Mercy of God and the human  freedom to defy God and incur his wrath. He faults the Swiss theological genius for collapsing the later into the former. This correction is appropriate.

Balthasar ranks, for me, with John Paul and Benedict, as the bright shining lights of Catholic theology of the last 80 years; as doctors of the Church; as right behind Thomas and Augustine for the depth and breath of their theology. They are flawlessly orthodox, including their doctrine of hell/retribution and maintain the balance much more than did Pope Francis. But I will be bold enough to challenge them on a singular weakness: a relative forgetting of God's retribution. It is not denied; but it is ignored; specifically in regard to capital punishment. A correction is required: Ralph Martin is in this prophetic as well as boldly unfashionable.

Relation to Priest Sex Scandal: Diminished Sense of Evil

A root cause underlying the absolute "inadmissibility" of capital punishment, the canceling of restitution, denial of eternal damnation and the episcopal tolerance of priestly sex abuse is: a diminished awareness of the radicality of evil, sin, Satan, spiritual warfare, and the Kingdom of Darkness. Accompanying Vatican II was an optimism, a positivity, a secular humanism that exulted in the prosperity and achievements of the time...economic, scientific, technological...and looked hopefully to the political and therapeutic. The supernatural, especially the bad part, became the "null curriculum."  The positive part, belief in heaven, remained very strong in the USA. But immediately, in 1965, as the Council ended and the Cultural Revolution exploded, people stopped going to confession, priests and religious left their vocations in large numbers, Harvey Cox's The Secular City became a best seller, and the Church went into a steep decline. The focus of theological training in seminaries became the therapeutic (Freud), the political (Marx), and the techno-scientific (Darwinian evolution.) 

At the first rumblings about the priest-homosexual-scandal bishops were directed by psychologists to pursue therapy, by lawyers to avoid liability, by their instincts to protect the reputation of the Church. Additionally, they had inhaled the naivete, optimism, and humanistic confidence of the time. They could not grasp the gravity, the radicality of the evil: trusted priests violating young men. They no longer believed deeply in evil, sin, Satan and hell.

In our time, what type of man pursues the priesthood and succeeds there? Mostly men who are wholesome, generous, kind, and trusting. Such unconsciously project themselves onto others: they expect others to resemble themselves. William James helpfully contrasted two religious types: once-born and twice-born. The once-born are naturally receptive, grateful, generous and trusting. The twice-born surrender to evil but experience a rebirth into goodness. Such retain an interior familiarity with evil. Examples of once-born: St.Terese of Lisieux, Carlo Acutus, and the childhood saints. Twice-born would include St. Mary Magdalene, St. Augustine and the Stephen-killing zealot Saul of Tarsus. Most of our bishops and vicars are once-born: naturally good.  This temperamental credulity and naivete combined with a progressive, secularized positivity created a perfect storm for episcopal neglect in justly handling abusive, predatory priests. Perhaps no one is as ill prepared to deal with predators, con artists, sociopaths, and compulsives as our priests and bishops!

The avoidance, the denial of radical evil underlies the episcopal malfeasance about sex abuse, the retreat from retribution, and the abolition of the death penalty, as well as other mistakes.

Theology of Mercy: Faustina, John Paul, Francis

The revelation received by St. Faustina, almost 100 years ago, was (in my opinion) the most significant work of the Holy Spirit in the 20th century Catholic Church. Let us contrast the presentation of this mercy in three important figures.

St. Faustina was a classic Catholic mystic: her presentation of Mercy was so intense because it faced two other powerful forces: the evil of sin and the justice/wrath of God. All of our great saints and mystics maintain this tri-polar metaphysics: the evil of sin, the justice of God, and his mercy. This is not the Manichean world (of Star Wars) in which good and evil are eternally in opposition. Rather, God ultimately prevails, in both justice and mercy, but evil remains unvanquished until Christ returns in cloud of glory (in which he left us on Ascension Thursday, today as a matter of fact, NOT Ascension Sunday!) Even into eternity, with the complete victory of God's Mercy and Justice, a residue or remnant of evil abides in the damned souls, angelic and human. How this can be is beyond our imaginations and intellects.

John Paul's magisterial encyclical "Dives in Misericordia" ("Rich in Mercy") 1980, powerfully proclaimed the Mercy of God while tacitly keeping in place truth, justice, wrath, and condemnation of sin. It is an interpretive key to his person, life and mission. 

With Francis we encounter a different reality: mercy becomes absolute, unconditional and thereby cheapened; retribution disappears; along with it the co-primacy of truth, justice, and wrath against evil. We have: blessing of homosexual unions, "who am I to judge?" compromise with the sexual revolution, Pachamama in the Vatican, continuing protection of highly connected clergy predators, the inadmissibility of capital punishment, surrender of the Chinese Church to the communist party,  replacement of the apostolic college by a group dynamic process straight out of the 60s, repression of the ancient rite of the mass, and war against young priests configured as dogmatic, legalistic, condemnatory. The heavenly revelation to St. Faustina has been reconfigured as indulgence of evil.

What is Worse? Death or Sin?

From a natural perspective, death is normal, inevitable and unavoidable. There is an irrational randomness as to when it comes. From a faith perspective, it is a passing to the afterlife, the particular and general judgments, reward or punishment (retribution!), hopefully eternal joy. Sin is much worse: it offends God. It risks an eternity of damnation. It demands retribution.

Many years ago I argued with a dear priest friend: he told me he carried a condom in his wallet just in case he fell into sin, at a club for example, to avoid disease. I encouraged him to throw away the condom so he would be motivated, by fear of sickness, to avoid sin. He was unmoved. For him, sickness and possibly death were worse than sin. Later his acceptance of a gay identity caused him and a number of bishops many headaches. 

Doctrinally, today almost everyone accepts a "delusional presumption": the dogma that everyone is going to heaven anyway. God is merciful. But suffering and death: horrendous tragedies! And so, we recoil at the image of the state taking a life: it is a violation of human dignity. It is as bad as things can get! We value this life, to an extreme: we do not dread hell, not for ourselves or others; nor do we passionately hope for heaven! We do not experience this life as a vale of tears as we bask in bourgeois comfort and security.

The move to absolutely abolish capital punishment, finalized by Pope Francis, is not an organic development of our legacy; it is a corruption. It is rooted in secularization, an amnesia of the supernatural, of divine holiness and justice. Capital punishment in some cases in required by retribution alone. Additionally, of course, it offers an opportunity for rehabilitation, not for this life, but for the soul who anticipates judgment. Some repentant murderers have requested and preferred this punishment out of a now properly contrite conscience. Along with this, note that the high confidence in our prison system in protection and deterrence is not well founded: just recently we had a murder in Ocean County Jail, the morning I was there with Catholic ministry as well as escape from prison in New Orleans by half a dozen accused of murder. 

Perhaps the worst priest pedophile, John Geoghan, with 150 reported child victims, was murdered in a Massachusetts prison in 2003. A double irony here! Although he was in protective custody, our vaunted prison system could not prevent the murder. Additionally, the perpetrator was a man already convicted of murder of a gay man. In a crude way, retribution was inflicted. The homophobic culprit, already serving a death sentence, probably received a second. A clever fellow, he may manage to kill another homosexual. This is not impressive as rehab, deterrence, protection or retribution. If I were a gay imprisoned in Massachusetts, I would take another look about the " permanent inadmissibility" clause on the death penalty in our Catechism! 

Hitler/Stalin/Mao/Putin/Amin/Osama/Hussein, Hamas, Hannibal Lector, Keyser Soze, Attila and so many more...do not need a life sentence. A death sentence is just and merciful for all involved. From a natural as well as a supernatural perspective.

Retribution, Temporal Punishment for Sin, Purgatory, Indulgences (Plenary and Partial)

In their Reformation, Protestants largely threw away purgatory, retribution, masses for the dead, temporal punishment due to sin, and indulgences. In the long game of history, in our age, the Protestants win; Catholics guided by Trent lose. A Catholic family today might spend close to $1/2 million on a quality secondary and college Catholic education: their child will be versed in Critical Race Theory and intersectionality but not know a partial from a plenary indulgence, a particular from general judgment, a mortal from a venial sin, or the meaning of divine retribution.

The Catholic practice of death, our November traditions around the last things (death, judgment, heaven and hell) and all saints/souls days, center upon the Mercy of God, of course, but also divine retribution (punishment and reward,) merit, temporal punishment due to sin, the debt to be paid, masses and indulgences offered for the dead. All of this has largely disappeared, after 400 years of Catholic militancy in defending it, in the prevalence of cheap mercy, secularism, presumption, and effete progressivism.

Dangers of Righteous, Religious Retribution: A Girardian Caution

Retreat from retribution is not unfounded. Surely, the worst violence is righteous, religious retribution. Sins of passion, gangster-type violence for money, power, and revenge are all understandable within the human realm. Religious indignance has an infinite boundlessness about it, exploding beyond nature and psychology into the supernatural and diabolic: the Jihadism of 9/11 and October 7, 2023; the boundless messianic license of communism; the religious fury of racism in Nazism and the KKK.

From Rene Girard we learn about mimetic rivalry and its resolution through the scapegoat dynamic of "sacred violence" which targets, in indignant condemnation, the innocent  victim, thus unifying the community in self-righteousness. The pervasiveness of this dynamic at the heart of all culture and religion, excepting at the foot of the cross at Calvary, gives pause to a retrieval of retribution. Admirers of Girard would be inclined to cancel the category, guaranteeing the "inadmissibility" of capital punishment. 

This would be to throw out the baby with the bathwater, to go to an extreme. A proper Girardian sensibility will scrutinize vigilantly all jurisprudence around retribution for disguised mimetic, scapegoating "sacred violence." But, if resentful, hateful vindictiveness camouflages itself in religious righteousness, we are not to entirely obliterate the category of retribution. The Catholic natural law tradition has a different perspective. Girard must be kept in tension with St. Thomas!

Personalism Needs Thomas! Thomas Needs Personalism

The defining theological accomplishment of Catholicism in the 20th century was the marriage of Thomism with Personalism: St. John Paul, St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, Pope Benedict, Dietrich von Hildebrand, Maurice Blondel along with Gabriel Marcel, Dorothy Day, Etienne Gilson, Jacques Maritain, Josef Pieper, the David Schindlers...an entire culture of rich Catholicism which synthesizes centuries of metaphysics, ethics, and theology with the best of contemporary phenomenology, social sciences and philosophy. The objectivity of classical thought finds a balance in the subjectivity of our age...and vice versa. It is a valid, licit marriage, but a rocky one. There remain (as in every marriage) tensions between the lovers. 

The argument here is that the subjectivity of personalism, on the reality of retribution, requires the balance of objective justice, more prominent in classical Thomism, its epistemological realism, ontology of being, and ethics of natural law. It calls to mind the dynamics of the feminine and  masculine in marriage: mutually delightful, complementary, asymetrical, and in tension.

Amnesia about Divine Justice, Wrath and Retribution: the Catholic Antidote

Retribution, justice in dispensing of punishment and reward, is crucial in our engagement with God as it safeguards the divine holiness and transcendence, including wrath towards evil, against a disordered, cheapened mercy that degenerates into presumption, relativism, indulgence of evil. It structurally protects created freedom in its accountability and consequences. Analogously, at every level of human interaction...discipline in the kindergarten playground, criminal justice, capital punishment, just war, police action, academic grading, athletic competition...it guards and restores order and harmony. It allows for the guilty culprit to make amends; and the hurting victim to move to pardon.

Happily, our Catholic heritage offers rich resources to strengthen our sense of justice. In the passion and death of Jesus we contemplate: the gravity of evil, the consequence of sin, the inexpressible holiness of God. In the Eucharist, properly understood and celebrated as a memorial of just this torture and death, we participate in the sacrifice that atones for sin and restores order, that pays an unspeakable price, that destroys evil and death as it rescues the sinner. 

A rich network of devotion draw us into tenderness and reverence for our Lord in his sacrifice: stations of the cross, mysteries of the rosary, the liturgy of lent and holy week, use of the crucifix with the suffering body of our Lord. Our funeral liturgy relativizes the trauma of death and loss, as it strengthens our hope in the afterlife, anticipation of judgment, and vigilance against sin.

To ensure our reverence for the holiness of God, our aversion to sin, and a richness in genuine mercy......Let's bring back retribution!