With all its AI and algorithms, Google Search does not know co-grandparenting. It seems to be unknown to academic psychology, sociology and anthropology. I myself have been practicing it for over 20 years but only last week recognized it intellectually in the structure, interiority, complexity, integrity, purpose and radiance of its form. In an earlier essay, I was numbering those upon the living whom I most admire and thought of my daughters-and-sons-in-law. And then of their parents, our co-grandparents. This gave me much joy.
My wife and I often agree in gratitude about our marvelous in-laws. This is an immense blessing! There is a lot involved here.
The joy of grandparenting itself is a superlative surprise, especially when the parents are united, competent and loving. In this case, grandparenting is sheer joy, free of stress, something-of-heaven-on-earth.
Honestly, most people don't want to hear about our little ones' cuteness, athletics, photos, or "my grandson is an honor roll student in PS 27" bumper stickers. Who does? Our co-grandparents: their joy exactly mirrors our own.
It is the nature of things that every human has, biologically, two grandmothers and two grandfathers. The artificiality of technology cannot change the nature of things. In contemplating a grandchild, we are overwhelmed by the absolute uniqueness in front of us. And also amazed that in this "creation from nothing" God used my personal DNA for one quarter material of the project. Great pride in that! But also gratitude to the other three grandparents who contributed equally! The four of us share an utterly distinctive joy around this one person.
I might have imagined that I would compete with the other grandfather to be number 1. Happily, that is not the case. Quite the contrary, I am delighted that the little one benefits from two, not one grandfather. Love is not jealous!
The God-imaging mystery of the human family centers in the one, and only one, relationship that is absolutely exclusive, entirely intimate/unitive, and mutually possessive: the spousal love of husband and wife. All the others lack such closure and open up to more. One benefits from having more brothers/sisters, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc. But a husband has one wife; a wife one husband; and every child four grandparents, no more no less.
Let's think about "in-laws!" The words are inadequate to the reality. Yes, there is a legal dimension. But we have always understood the covenant dimension: two distinct families are drawn into a communion, a covenant, an implied vow of loyalty that is almost-but-not-quite blood. For Catholics, of course, the permanent sacramental bond adds a supernatural dimension. The blood boundaries of family are clear and real, but pourous as they open to the flow of love between families and beyond. So, for example, I am bound, through my own 8 siblings and 7 children, to hundreds of others in a permanent, stable, reliable alliance of loyalty and affection. That is amazing!
In our case, three of our six families live out of state, three close to us; so we spend more time with half of our grandchildren. We are delighted that the other half live near our co-grandparents so they get attention we cannot give. Our more rare times with them are that much more special. Clearly, it is all part of a splendid providential plan, in which co-parenting plays a quiet, modest, significant if unheralded role.
My closest co-parent is of course my wife. It is a most joyous shared task. It deepens and strengthens our own marriage. One might think that after almost 55 years of marriage things would get easier. Well...yes and no! There are deep roots of mutual respect, affection, gratitude. But there remain dark dynamics: residual hurts and resentments, mutual irritations, conflicts of will...all worsened by the weariness and weakness of aging. My own love for my wife is intensified in gratitude to her for her love for our little ones.
We co-grandparents play a singular and happy role in the family. When we gaze on our little ones, we know that even in the natural order something of us endures in our descendants. At the same time, we recall our own parents, grandparents and ancestors with whom we retain a bond, naturally in blood, historically in culture, and spiritually in the Communion of Saints.
Six of our seven children are married so we have twelve co-grandparents. Two are now deceased. They are wildly diverse: ethnicity, class, profession, location, religion, and such. Each is marvelous!
Let us all give thanks for our co-grandparents, grandchildren, and our own grandparents!
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