The heroic vocations inherently include willingness to die in the agonistic combat with violent, hostile forces: soldier, police, firefighter. That is why they are heroic.
They are quintessentially masculine as they engage the primal virile mission: protection and provision for the community and the vulnerable, especially the mother with children. Masculinity itself is defined as strength in such protection and provision. This strength itself is further informed by humility, gentleness, chastity, sobriety, prudence and justice.
Chivalry is far more than an antiquated medieval code or a style of politeness and niceness. It is the defining, virtuous, reverent, tender, virile posture, towards women, children, the suffering and vulnerable of protective, nurturing strength informed by humility, gentleness, chastity, courage, and prudence.
Chivalry is a masculine, not a feminine and not an androgynous ethos. A man holds the door for a woman; ladies before gentlemen. These are simple but significant symbols of a chivalrous way of life.
The Catholic form of chivalry proposed here is best understood as the commingling of the heroic, noble, honor-based ethos of traditional warrior cultures with the following of Jesus up the hill of Calvary. If Catholicism is the fruit of Athens, Jerusalem and Rome; chivalry merges Sparta and Nazareth. It is a cult of courage, strength, sacrifice, brotherhood, combat. But the negatives of that warrior ethos...male dominance, pride, cruelty, tribalism...are leavened by the spirit of the beatitudes...humility, service, compassion, mercy, magnanimity.
The fierce, aggressive, passionate, selfish male urges must be shaped, in a long itinerary of formation, into a virtuous posture, especially to women/children/vulnerable, in camaraderie with brothers, of humility, courage, chastity, and generosity. Women do not require such a rigorous program of mentoring, testing, discipline, encouragement and eventual installation. Maternity, in contrast with paternity, is more instinctive and natural.
The deconstruction of masculinity/femininity, especially the rituals/practices/values of the chivalrous code, is THE DEFINING CATASTROPHE OF OUR SOCIETY.
Chivalry requires filial reverence and obedience to elders, tradition, and authority. Reception of authority, in free submission, leads eventually to an endowment of such authority. This is not power, as the forceful overpowering of others, but authority as a representation of transcendental Truth, Good and Beauty.
Chivalry requires the camaraderie, brotherhood, in mutual loyalty, fidelity to higher causes, wholesome competition, shared generosity, and chaste intimacy.
Chivalry requires, in relationship to women, the comfort/confidence/mutuality of brother/sister; a modest, proper distance; and a maturity and moderation in expressions of affection and attraction.
There is a proper and fruitful place in society for same-sex association. Obviously in athletics. But generally, women and men both require spaces to engage with each other without the other sex. This happens spontaneously: in gatherings of family and friends, much of the time is spent, fluidly, in separate gatherings as we share our common interests.
When men and women each develop strong, intimate friendships with their own gender they satisfy much of their emotional needs for love and closeness. This is healthy in that they bring less neediness to romance and marriage. The crisis in marriage, with divorce rate around 50%, and the difficulties our youth face in courtship, are in some degree rooted in the attack upon single sex cultures. For this reason I strongly favor same-sex high schools. The best preparation for marriage is solid same sex friendships, through high school and college, with avoidance of heavy sexual and romantic involvements.
In chivalrous masculine culture men encourage each other in reverence and tenderness towards women. Such a culture requires segregation. We see this in sports, priesthood, military, police, fire and various associations.
In my UPS delivery days, I recall one Christmas working on my truck with a helper and a supervisor, a sweet, competent, attractive Afro-American woman of slight build. We were loaded down with hundreds of packages. Early in the morning she became sick in her stomach. We decided to leave her at the local library where she made a call and returned to the center. My response to her was emotional: very paternal, protective and tender. I was quite distracted from our "mission" until we left her at the library. If that were a sturdy male, I would have been far less tender and distracted. I would have detached and focused upon my work and left him to take care of himself.
Is that a double standard? Absolutely! And a wholesome, chivalrous one!
I like this hypothetical: The high school boys and girls swimming teams are on a cruise in the Caribbean when the boat begins to sink, far from land. There are 10 girls and 10 boys but the lifeboat holds only 10. Who goes on the boat? This is a no-brainer to the chivalrous mind: the girls of course. But in an androgynous world this does not work. The coach might pick the weakest swimmers. Or, possibly there would be chaotic competition with most of the stronger boys prevailing.
In general, women do not belong in military combat, firefighter duty, and much of police work. These agonistic, forceful engagements require, even more than physical strength, a detachment and a focus upon the mission. Fighting a fire, an enemy or a fire in the company of women is a detriment as one's chivalrous instincts detract from the battle.
Several years ago a NYC fireman was telling me that his station had a new woman captain. The men did not trust her. They already had a plan for the next fire by which they would circumvent her leadership. This is a problem. I would leave the fire department to men. This is not a terrible injustice!
I do have high esteem for women police due to our experience at Magnificat Home. We have had perhaps 100 visits from the Jersey City police over the years. They are always a diverse group ethnically, professional, courteous, and often include one or more women. The women are especially good at deflating our problematic crises: compassionate, comforting and reassuring to our women who are upset or in conflict. A large, strong, male policeman in uniform with gun protruding simply cannot be as comforting as a smaller woman.
It is an unfortunate that these vocations do attract a number of violent, sociopathic an predatory men. These are often powerful, charismatic individuals who draw others into supporting their violence by virtue of the code of loyalty that binds men joined in life-threatening combat. This makes it all the more important that young men of good character serve in these arenas.
Let's bring back virile character, chivalry and the cult of heroism!
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