Spiritual Exercises

This is not the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola.

Every other Thursday morning, it is my joy to offer a "spiritual care session" on the psychiatric floor of Jersey Shore Medical Center, where my wife and I are volunteer chaplains. 

I introduce myself to about 12 (out of a census of 25 or so) who come voluntarily. I especially explain our residence for low-income women in Jersey City. As many in the group are familiar with homelessness this is a good start.

I note that if I were a physical trainer, I might do exercises (stretching, weight resistance, walk in place, etc.) that might be helpful to everyone, regardless of body type (large/small, male/female, young/old). And so, we will consider spiritual exercises that are helpful for all of us, regardless of religion or lack thereof, because we all have a human spirit.

1. Gratitude.  I ask what is one thing for which they are grateful about being there on that hospital floor.  Then they share a a specific thing about their childhood for which they are grateful.  I  a small bottle of water and several accept and say "thank you."  I point out that in those few seconds of gratitude, accepting and thanking, they are not in depression, anxiety, anger, jealousy. They nod. We discuss the nature of mental attention: we focus on one thing at a time, as with vision, as everything else fades into the background. 

An Oprah Winfrey episode of many years ago: a series of celebrities testified that their lives changed drastically when they developed a habit every night before sleep of listing 5 things of the day for which they were grateful. They witnessed to decrease in anxiety, depression, anger, jealousy; increase in peace, joy, freedom, generosity, agency. 

They are invited to quietly count on their 10 fingers 10 things in their life for which they are grateful. Giving thanks:  the path to peace, joy, freedom.

2. Powerlessness and Surrender. This is straight from the 12 steps of AA: (1)"Admitted we were powerless over _________(alcohol or other) and that our lives had become unmanageable." Each of us has one or more "dragons"...addiction, emotional affliction, compulsive habit...which is about 100 times more powerful than our will power. They react with interest that I had attended EA meetings (Emotions Anonymous) in which participants shared powerlessness over anger, depression, anxiety, jealousy and other. (2) "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity." Invitation to surrender. To cease the fight. To look for help from "higher power" of whatever name. " Higher power" that is not myself but is powerful, kind, merciful.

A runner in the Rockies crashed into a Grizzly Bear who started to tear the man apart. He recalled that a punch to the nose of a bear would shock him so he tried that. It only excited the bear to become more violent. He surrendered. He went limp and fell to the ground. A rustling sound nearby startled the bear who ran away. The man survived, crediting an angel with his rescue. In any case, he was wise to give up the fight, surrender.

Similarly, a swimmer caught in a rip tide is NOT to swim against the tide, which will lead to immediate fatigue and drowning. Rather, "go with the flow" so as to conserve stamina, attempt to swim parallel with beach and wave for help. Again: don't fight the tide, go with it, and call for help.

Skid class for driver of auto: the impulse in a skid is to brake strongly and steer out of the skid. Wrong! The locked tires will continue straight in the skid. Rather: accept the skid, steer directly (however counter-intuitive this is) into the skid while gently pumping brakes to regain traction and only then steer out of the skid. Again: not direct combat but surrender and cooperate with a "higher power."

3. Network. Most in the group are benefiting from the supportive environment of professionals and fellow-sufferers. So, they are invited to consider the network of support outside the hospital: who makes you feel happy? With whom can you be truly honest? Who makes you a better person? And how can you strengthen and build that network: call a friend or family member, get back to temple/church/support group? Social worker or counselor? 

4. Give or Ask for Forgiveness.  

The film Straight Story is a true account of Alvin Straight, in his 70s and poor health, who learns his brother, with whom he has not spoken in 10 years, has suffered a stroke. He decides to go to see him hundreds of  miles away in Wisconsin and does so on a John Deere lawnmower tractor which moves about 3 miles an hour. He drives slowly from Iowa on a kind of spiritual pilgrimage, with eventful, touching encounters along the way.  Upon arrival, his brother beckons him to a rocking chair next to him. They sit quietly, without words. Then the brother asks: "Alvin, did you drive here on that lawn mower?" Alvin nods yes. Tears stream down his brothers face. End of movie. Tremendous work of art!

My friend Coleen, a  passionately spiritual woman, went to see Mel Gibson's The Passion of Christ about 20 times, with different people, recalling her sins. She called the kid she had bullied brutally in 7-8th grade. After catchup talk she said: "I was cruel to you; I am so sorry; I ask your forgiveness." He, now married, with children, in his 40s dismissed it: "We were just kids. Don't worry." She persisted; he dismissed again. A third time, quietly, solemnly she said: " I know I hurt you deeply. Please forgive me." Silence on phone. Then sobs. Then heartbrokenly he says: "I could never understand why you hated me so much!"

We discuss how difficult it is to say those words: "I was wrong. Forgive me." 

And so, the invitation here is to ask forgiveness. Or to give forgiveness.

I hesitated to present this. This is a psych ward. There are deep traumas and wounds. It would be cruel to issue a moral imperative with an implied condemnation. But I have found that offered in a light manner, in the form of stories, as an option, not an obligation, it has (so far) been well received.

Sometimes these sessions get interesting, for example, if someone acts out in a manic fashion. Normally there is a compulsive talker or interrupter.  Additionally, people come and go as they need to get meds, meet with professional, or even lose interest and want to take a walk. But there is a raw, manifest, even desperate hunger and interest manifest. To meet with them and discuss this stuff is awe-inspiring. It is the high point of my week.