The Thrill of Chaste, Fraternal Love in the Movies

“…his (Jesus) virginal way of loving is what makes him attractive to those he encounters. The woman caught in adultery, for example, realized after Jesus forgave her that she belonged to him more deeply than to the one from whose arms she was taken. Jesus did not treat her according to common expectations, but rather according to the design of the Father…He thus knew her more deeply and purely than anyone else…It was within that love that she felt free, totally herself in being totally his.” Father Antonio Lopez, “Mary Certainty of Our Hope,” in Communio, Summer 2008.

Fr. Lopez, following Balthasar, Giusanni and Benedict, sees that “virginal” love is that which allows the beloved to be in her beauty, without possessing or controlling in any way. And so, any genuine love has a virginal quality: it admires the beloved, cherishes and protects her, and detaches in admiration so as not to violate in the slightest manner. This love reached perfection, of course, in the Holy Family. But every romantic and marital love requires this dimension if it is to be genuine: it is the purification of eros by agape, a deeper and truer attachment through detachment, an entry into the unitive way by virtue of the purgative. Such virginal love sees the beloved in her comprehensive beauty, her multifaceted femininity inclusive of maidenly innocence, poignant victimization, and potential or actual maternity, but most especially sees her as cherished daughter of our heavenly Father.

The prime daily task of this male (and I don’t think I am exceptional) is to renounce lustful, possessive, covetous, egotistical cravings and grow in Christ-like virility as chastity, purity, generosity, courage, confidence, authority, tenderness, gentleness, protectiveness, truthfulness, and militancy. Each of us, in other words, is called to be a good brother to all the women in our lives, including our wives, girlfriends and lovers. The form of virility is fraternal love which includes delight, protection, attraction, renunciation and sacrifice.

Especially within marriage and courtship, brotherly love is primary and roots other dimensions of conjugal love, including the erotic and romantic. These later two are transient and unreliable: part of their excitement is that they come and go whimsically, without warning or logic. Unless rooted in the more admiring and agapic brotherly love, they eventually die and turn destructive, resentful and envious. However, when rooted in that steady, undying cruciform love, they are free to come and go as they will, bringing joy and delight, free of regret and desperation.

Where do we look in popular culture for such images of virility? So pervasive has become the erotic in its corrupted form that our culture has become a wasteland in regard to real masculinity. There is, however, a short list of inspirational movies.

Shane. In this 1953 western, the protagonist played by Alan Ladd is a wandering gunslinger who comes into town, is attracted to another man’s wife, becomes a role model for that couple’s young son, kills the bad guy, and then rides out of town in lonely fashion to the shouts of “Shane, come back!” This is a most archetypal image of virility: loneliness, courage in battle, renunciation of the beloved because she belongs to another. The John Wayne character in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence expressed the same theme: quintessential virility expressed as courage in conflict and sexual renunciation; the courage of the martyr combined with the purity of the virgin.

Stagecoach. This 1939 film, John Ford’s first “talkie,” is among the very first and very best westerns. The tough Ringo Kid, (a lean, handsome young John Wayne) falls for the beautiful Dallas (Claire Trevor), a prostitute who is being run out of town by a puritanical temperance league. Defying the consensus of contempt for Dallas, Ringo views her with unadulterated innocence and admiration and treats her like a lady. One is reminded of Dulcinea of The Man from La Mancha, not to mention the woman caught in adultery. In this case our hero dutifully kills the villain and then rescues his beauty and they drive away towards the horizon. In this story, our hero does win his beloved through his courage and the innocence of his affection.

Roman Holiday. Another 1953 classic, starring Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn, this may be the very best romance ever filmed. The chemistry between the exquisite Princess and the handsome reporter is at once thrilling, inspiring, delighting and finally ennobling. The setting of their surprising, innocent adventure in Rome further heightens the sense that their tender love attained an eternal and transcendent dimension that would enrich them and many others for ever. As he did in so many other roles, Gregory Peck expresses virility as tender, protective, pure, strong, confident, wise heterosexual affection in a manner that has never been surpassed.

Lost in Translation. In this 2003 movie, a wise but sad older man (Bill Murray in the performance of a lifetime) and a lonely, confused younger woman (stunning Scarlet Johanssen) discover each other and become emotionally intimate, sharing their most precious vulnerabilities and longings, in a manner that remains reverent and innocent. The loneliness, desire and sadness of each is so raw and the sexual attraction so evident that it is simply miraculous that they maintain a brotherly/sisterly, or even a fatherly/daughterly innocence and tenderness. Sophia Coppola is to be congratulated in providing such a stunningly countercultural and inspirational film.

Bella. In this 2007, low budget delight, a contrite and grieving chef (played by Latin heartthrob Eduardo Verastegui) reaches out in kindness to a distraught, now-unemployed waitress who finds herself with an unwanted pregnancy. Each protagonist is wounded and distraught and hardly ready for mature intimacy and fidelity. Within the context, however, of a supportive family and an itinerary of repentance, an exquisite brother/sister love affair develops. My students, addicted as they are in fantasy to the romantic as possessive, tend to reject the fraternal love theme of the movie and insist that Nina and Jose eventually “get together.”

This idea of the fraternal as the basis for the romantic was uncovered by John Paul in reflection on the Song of Songs in a series of talks he decided not to deliver in his catechesis on sexuality because their depth and sensitivity might be misunderstood and even scandalize the less mature. Christopher West has developed this trend of thought in a fresh and exciting new book Love’s Song. I cannot recommend this short, readable book enough: it encourages the integration of sexuality and spirituality in a profound and evocative manner. Having read the work a first time, I now carry it in my bag in anticipation of opportunities to read a paragraph or a page in meditative manner, preferably before the Eucharist.

Now in my 60s, I awake every morning with the same masculine ambition I conceived around the age of 13: to become a brave hero, to rescue my beauty from those who would possess or violate her. Now however, I have a sublime confidence that I can and will be come that hero…in sacramental union with our Lord, in communion with our Lady and all the saints, martyrs, virgins, and through the power of the Holy Spirit…I can become that hero imaged so vividly by Alan Ladd, John Wayne, Gregory Peck, Bill Murray and Eduardo Verastegui.

Dear Blog Reader,
Do you know of other movies that portray such chaste, fraternal, virile love?
I need all the encouragement and inspiration I can get (and I am not exceptional).
Fraternally,
Blogster Fleckinstein