Conjugal Asymetry and Openness to the Other

Between man and woman, and dramatically so within marriage, the delight of complimentarity and mutuality is so often overwhelmed by asymetry: confusion, annoyance, betrayal, violation, dissonance, disappointment, misunderstanding and resentment. This is due to sin. This means that the spouses are continually in and out of reconciliation: granting and asking for pardon. But the asymetry between man and woman points to a deeper reality, prior to sin and even more foundational: that man and woman united do not together form a perfect whole, but are always part of a greater communion, that they always intrinsically open out to a third. The deepest delusion of our culture is the romantic myth that "there is a perfect lover who will complete me." But man-and-woman were created for companionship with a "third"...actually, three distinct "thirds." Already in Genesis, we see the spouses with God, with family including children, and with a task of caring for the earth. And so, every couple, and by analogy every friendship, opens out first to God. In the cool of the evening, Adam and Eve walked with God in the garden. Such a lovely image! And so are we meant to walk with Him, to receive Him as our companion. Secondly, every couple opens itself to a broader family: in the present (both families of origin), the past (prior generations), and the future (through their progeny or in other ways.) Lastly, each duality shares a rich, multifaceted mission to the Church and to the world beyond. And so, we see that there is an incompletion, an imperfection, a deprivation built into every friendship and romance...and each relationship can attain integrity and coherence only in openness to God, to the broader family, and to the mission that is given.