Romantic Love

The most pervasive, pernicious and unrecognized deception in our world is surely the myth of romantic love: the idea that there is a special person who can make me happy, can satisfy and fulfill my longings.The latest permutation of this illusion is the fantasy of gay "marriage." Romantic love is mostly, but not always completely, an infatuation, an illusion in which we project, out of our longing and need, a perfection upon the one who is beloved. Like the thirsty man in a desert, we create a mirage out of our thirst, in this case an emotional one. In the vast majority of cases, romantic loves ends sadly in disappointment, betrayal, loss and heartbreak...of one sort or another. Nevertheless, the myth retains a stronghold on our culture and people of every age: even aged, experienced and wise elders fall into the morass. But it is not completely a deception: for oftentimes, there is an actual, true perception of the beauty and value of the beloved. This perception is like a seed that must fall into the soil and die to bring forth life. If it does so, it can fructify into a genuine and lasting love...actually, into three distinct types of love. The best case scenario is growth into spousal or nuptial love, the love of marriage which forms a family and becomes a crucible of frustration and sacrifice that inexoribly burns away the delectible illusions of infatuation. In this best case scenario, the bliss of being "in love" disappears but the perception of the value of the beloved is purified and enhanced so that the love grows into a richer, deeper, and stronger form. The romance dies to be reborn in an enduring, truthful way. A second, less common itinerary is for the romance to transfigure into a genuine friendship, a chaste brother-sister (or brother-brother or sister-sister for homosexuals) relationship,infused with mutual reverence and respect, free of the cravings and fantasies of infatuation. This may be the case with any number of homosexual relations which endure and grow into genuine trust and fidelity. Father Groeschel was surprized himself to discover some Catholic gay relationships growing in this manner into chaste friendships: as they came to deeply love each other, they found abstinence from sexual acts to be the real way to love each other. This raises a fascinating question: could we imagine, within a Catholic context, a blessing upon a committed, even vowed love that is specifically celibate? I can imagine it, but as an exceptional and specially blessed friendship, not as a common ritual. Lastly, we see that romantic love is an expression of the Great Love in which we were created, by which we are redeemed, and for which we are destined. God and only God is the Great Lover, who alone can satisfy our longings. The aching, desperate, and often disappointing loves we suffer on this journey are all premonitions of the Great Love for which we were created.