Virile Chastity, as Reverence and Care, on the Offensive: Confident and Aggressive

"Avoidance of the near occasions of sin" is the traditional, defensive approach to chastity. I have known priests who would not allow a woman to ride in the front seat of their car. I recall a minister saying approvingly of his secretary that she would never have lunch alone with him. There is wisdom to this approach and it certainly made sense in a culture where men and women were largely segregated from each other. But things are different today: men and women work and live so closely that oftentimes it is not possible to retreat and distance oneslf from temptation. An example is our new military policy in which men and women, in combat areas, wll be placed together in circumstances that entail extreme physical intimacy. Our times require a fresh, new approach: not one of defense and retreat, but of offensive, confident, magnanimous agressiveness in regard to reverence and care. Since we cannot get away from women, we need to push more deeply, tenderly, passionately into a posture of reverent, protective, fraternal-paternal love for the women around us. Rather than pulling away, we need to push more deeply into respect and care. Rather than avoidance, we need to intensify our love as agapic and generous. This approach is more difficult and risky: women respond to tender, respectful love with trust and a tendency to really be themselves. This unveiling can arouse even more love, in its eros or desiring component, in the male. So, a dangerous cycle is initiated: the respect of the man elicits the trust of the woman which allows for personal disclosure which arouses deeper desire from the man. We are in VERY dangerous terrain here. It would take a miracle for this to work...and a miracle is exactly what we must pray for and expect. This can work only if the man, the woman and the relationship are all infused with grace; if it is situated in the context of accountability and transparency, prayer and liturgy, a rich network of support and encouragement, and a readiness to confess and enter into God's infinite mercy. We have no choice: we cannot return to the defensive, avoidance strategies that worked for our forefathers. We are involved in the fiercest spiritual combat in the arena of sexuality and our only hope for victory is in taking the offensive: aggressively, confidently, and magnanimously. Onward Christian soldiers! Viva Cristo Rey!