Fatherless: A World Without Men

In an insightful, encouraging article, Jacqueline Mattis ("Religion and Spirituality in the Meaning Making and Coping Experiences of Afro-American Women: a Qualitative Analysis" in Psychology of Woman Quarterly 26 (2006) 309-321) highlights the importance of faith and prayer in the lives of representative Afro-American women. Far from a crutch or a sign of immaturity/irrationality, she shows that religion/spirituality is a source of strength, determination, resilience and purpose as such women face tremendous adversity and hardship. How refreshing to find, in a journal of academic psychology, such a witness to the quiet strength, patience, perseverence and serenity of spirit that is so common among mature black women in our society! How good to see the development of a positive psychology that considers the role of faith in the development of character and virtue! What a change from the predominant trends of psychology when I was a student in the 1960s! There were arguably three such that impacted the Catholic and Christian communities: the Freudian which was straightforward about its contempt for religion as a crutch and an irrationality; the humanist psychology of Rogers that idolized individual subjectivity, self-fulfillment and personal choice and implicitly/covertly, which is to say deceitfully, despised any restraints on the Imperial Self such as humility, obedience, chastity or piety; and there was Jung's gnostic cult of the deeper self which preached an alternative religious belief and practice but masqueraded as scientific psychology. Of the three, Freud was refreshing for his honesty and candor. A worthy, forthright opponent is of infinitely more worth than a deceitful and seductive "friend": Jung and Rogers (despite their valid contributions), in their pretense as an "enlightened Christianity," did far more to undermine faith   than did the blatant, militant atheism of Freud. Happily, Mattis emphasizes the role of intimate relationships with other women, especially the mother/daughter connection, in the vigorous spirituality of these women. It is here, however, that a dark shadow descends: Where are the men? The only reference to men is indirect as she sees the confrontation with patriarchy. The only masculinity here is the toxic, oppressive and hostile hegemony of the (bad) patriarch! No benevolent, supportive presence of father, grandfather, bridegroom, brother or male friend. To the extent that men are present, they are the enemy! Related to this is her important distinction between religion and spirituality: the former she understands to be adherence to the practices and beliefs of an organized religion, while the later is a more subjective activity by individual. She rightly says that they overlap each other and pledges to use the language of the participants in the study. But this reader was struck by the overwhelming predominance of spirituality over religion. Faith for these women, aside from intimate relationships with other women, is an activity by a single individual facing overwhelming adversity and supported by the Higher Power. There is no mention of sacrament, authority, tradition, priesthood, preaching, law, liturgy or ritual. Now religion (from the Latin "religio" meaning "bonds") has to do with the connections between people, in community here and now and also with the broader Church as well as our ancestors, descendants and all those who preceeded and follow us. These representative women have a deep, spontaneous, and intense closeness to a few women but apparently little meaningful connection to a broader community or the "masculine" world of objective, institutional religion. The later is implicitly viewed as hostile to the feminine spirit. Now it is true that women are by nature vastly more spiritual, open to the transcendent, compassionate, generous, and humble in their need for help from above. It is the men who are challenged in these arenas of compassion, generosity and piety. It is the men who desperately need a PROGRAM of laws, authority, tradition, ritual and discipline for them to develop a masculine spirituality as son of the Father, bridegroom of the woman, and father...above all as father. Despite the customary feminist reference to (bad) patriarchy, the world presented in this article is that of a matriarchy where the women care for each other and the children and defend themselves against the man. Spirituality as a heroic,  largely solitary project is seen as vastly superior to religion as formalized, impersonal, and oppressive. But it was NOT meant to be so: we were created for each other...men and women...to desire, and delight and reverence each other...to be charmed and fascinated and thrilled by each other...to tenderly care for and honor each other. The problem, of course, is not with the women, but with us men. These and similar women are amazing in their resourcefulness and resiliency. Femininity is a mysterious endowment of compassion, goodness, trust and humility! Women can and do live without men! They can and do live without organized religion! But it was not meant to be so! Men cannot live without women: we become vicious thugs or passive wimps! Jesus himself did not call women to be his disciples and apostles; rather they were spontaneously, without invitation, drawn to him (Mary Magdallen, Mary and Martha, all the women at the foot of the cross). But Jesus knew it was the men who needed a rigorous, intense period of mentorship and discipleship in order to become disciples, fathers, priests. And so today it is us men who similarly need spiritual fathers, fraternal fellowship, and rigorous progams of spiritual development...that we become the sons, brothers, bridegrooms and fathers (as well as uncles, cousins...) that our women deserve!