Why Do Men Hate Women?

Misogyny: Where does it come from? The roots are complex, dense, profound, multilayered! But I (as a man myself) have some ideas. 1st, the disengagement from Mother, the oedipal passage into attachment with Father including weening and everything else, hardly goes perfectly and so it leaves an emotional wound, an aching loneliness. Ideally, this residual longing inflames the romantic passion and drives the man into the spousal embrace where it can be healed and transformed. In a worse case scenario, as a result of the dis-attachment, the man harbors a resentment against women. 2nd, in an even worse development, the oedipal passage is entirely frustrated by a smothering mother who refuses to "cut the apron strings." This can leave the emerging man vulnerable to waves of dread and resentment against the dark force that enslaves and emasculates him. This sad development seems more prevalent today. Sixty years ago, most of us grew up in large, intact families and the mothers met their emotional needs with their husbands and a group of children. Today, the single-mother with one son has become common and it is understandable that such a mom might unconsciously transfer her emotional needs to the son who is then enmeshed, smothered, confused and eventually enraged. 3rd, the adolescent male psyche, for reasons biological as well as sociological, over-values strength, independence, autonomy, and decisiveness. By contrast, the female psyche...spontaneously, effortless, gracefully...is empathetic, relational, maternal, interdependent, humble and generous. The immature male brain often perceives the very splendor of the woman as weak and dependent and he despises her! 4th, with puberty the young man is invaded by overpowering physical desire for the woman and spends an inordinate amount of the rest of his life in a state of arousal and frustration. It is not fun to want something so intensely and not get it; and so...rage! This frustration is intensified by a culture of pornography and license. 5th, these overwhelming passions bring with them dark currents of shame, guilt and fear. People like to blame the Church but that is a slander. These emotions are more primal, universal and irrepressible. Fear is especially important even as it is unrecognized: subconsciously, the lusting man knows he is out of control and he is afraid but does not know it and has no clue how to heal. So: hatred of the woman! 6th, longing for woman  and for fulfillment through spousal communion was infused into us at our creation. But this entails an inter-dependency, a vulnerability, a humility and a receptivity. As mentioned above, the immature male ego...insecure, fragile but rigid, arrogant...cannot tolerate his own "weakness" and so resents the one he craves. 7th, the man is abstract, analytic detached; the woman is concrete, synthetic and engaged. We are created to compliment and fulfill each other; but under conditions of suspicion and fear, the one attacks the other. 8th, we delve deeper into the psychology of dependence: all of us come from a mother, a female body, a finite and mortal creature. The woman is a reminder of our beginning, but also of our end: that we are mortal and will die.  This dread of death is also reinforced by the drastic experience of masculine arousal and climax which is a premonition of death as finality. And so, dreading death the man despises the messenger! 9th, for a man to love a woman with the reverence and tenderness she deserves he needs a deep interior reservoir of gentle, confident, generous strength. This does not come naturally: it comes with after an intensive, extended discipleship; after being tested, disciplined, corrected, coached and encouraged; as a result of participation in a brotherhood of chivalry and courage; and the result of ordination by the brothers and elders and as a gift from on high. Our anti-gender culture has stripped our young men of almost all the paths to ennobling masculinity. Thus emasculated, misogyny becomes an attractive option.  10th, it will be helpful to distinguish two expressions of misogyny: aggression and indifference. The first is obvious enough in abuse (verbal, emotional, sexual, violent) but the second is arguably more prevalent and catastrophic. It is disengagement, dismissal, and negligence. In the Genesis account, Eve is seduced by Satan when she is alone, unaccompanied by her partner. This suggests that part of the descent into sin was a disengagement on the part of the man: he did not care enough or he was distracted or lazy and discouraged. 11th, we know that Satan despises Woman more than any other creature and he simply loves to draw men into his misogyny. We see that he targeted the woman Eve, not the man. A credible tradition has it that his revolt against God was out of a furious envy when he learned that a woman...fleshly, mortal, dependent, modest, humble, fragile...was to be the Mother of God and Queen of Angels, including himself! This was TOO much! Since then, he despises woman and seduces us men to join him. A misogynist is a lackey, a stooge, a lapdog of Satan. By contrast, a Friend of God is a Lover of Women...passionate, tender, reverent...a Lover of Women! 12th and last: we were created, man and woman, for tender, generous, reverent intimacy with each other...within a greater intimacy of adoration, with God's very self. When we fall out of that ultimate relationship, we fall into suspicion, fear, shame and resentment. Misogyny! And so, eventually we men rediscover our love for women through our love for God. Woman is God's greatest creation, as epitomized in Mary our Mother, and Jesus, like his Father, is the Great Philogynist ("philo" lover, "gynist" of women). A friend of God is a lover of women! In the gospels we see that women are drawn to him...he does not seek them out or call them to be disciples...but they are drawn to him and love him...Mary Magdalen, the Samaritan divorcee, the woman caught in adultery, Mary and Martha. He just loves women...for themselves, in perfect purity and generosity, in gentle, tender strength. So, when we approach the Eucharist to receive his body and blood, we are ourselves receptive to the Bridegroom who loves us, his bride. But we men especially approach our brother, captain, Lord and God...eager to imbibe his love for women...to be healed of fear, insecurity, weakness...and be filled with his gentle, pure, geneous love! A Friend of God is a Lover of
Woman...tender and yet fierce, passionate and yet chaste, reverent and yet exhilarated...a Lover of Woman!