A Spirituality of Feelings

If acceptance of a feeling is a profound, complex and immensely significant act, it is only the first step. Feelings do not come on their own but are always/already interiorly connected to other realities including: thoughts, habits or acts, memories, hopes, acts of the will and relationships. Imagine my boss gives me a dirty look and I become both sad and mad. The feeling is unavoidable and can only be objectively accepted and acknowledged. But immediately I am flooded with related thoughts:  "I am such an idiot; I do everything wrong; I will never amount to anything!" or "He is such an idiot; no wonder everyone hates him; he is a piece of garbage!" These thoughts must be separated from the initial feeling; they are already moving me beyond the feeling into an attitude of self-hatred or resentment. And so, while I accept the feeling I clearly and firmly reject the thought that follows it and almost seems to live in it. I might say: "I made a mistake and am only human and will learn from this" or "I know the boss is stressed and having family problems and I will accept this small injustice" or "Here comes my inferiority or anger problem; I will call my friend at the break and talk about it." So here we see the important role of things like cognitive therapy which addresses the thought process but leaves the feelings to move along on their own. The marvelous "spottings" method of Dr. Low's recovery method for nervous people is a remarkable case of early cognitive therapy in which the sufferer of anxiety learns to substitute objective for negative thoughts:  "This is distressing but not dangerous; humor is my best friend, temper my worst enemy." The power of positive thinking of Peale (in proper measure) finds its place here in the cognitive. My own favorite, from the Pentecostal tradition, is the "power of praise" by which the believer habitually gives thanks and praise to God in ALL things, even the catastrophic and tragic, in belief that "God works all things to the good of those who love Him." This habit of thought, practiced diligently, has revolutionary impact! The second reality that is deeply related to feeling is habit or act. For example, the frustrated child has already learned to express his anger by biting or throwing his food. This again is more than a feeling; it is an action. While the feeling of frustration cannot be avoided, the action must be stopped. Here we have the role of discipline, punishment (or "consequences" for the culturally correct), behavioral modification, asceticism, and "a program." So, the addict learns to pick up the phone and call his sponsor instead of going to the bar; the believer remains in prayer even when it feels empty and futile; the spouse re-affirms his fidelity even as he feels a chill. Memory is a third partner of emotion: a feeling normally recalls, however obscurely, memories:  the bosses dirty looks reminds me that my father never came to my games or always yelled at me from the stands. And so, a feeling needs to be scrutinized, especially when it is inordinately intense: am I responding to a memory? Here we see the role of classic psychoanalysis: identification of a hurt is not a full healing but it does bring some distance and an opening for healing and newness. In charismatic prayer we have here the "healing of memories" and in deliverance the prominent role of forgiveness of those who have hurt us.  The forth is the most important: hope. Every feeling brings with it a spiritual act of despair or hope: my sadness casts me into discouragement or moves me to consolation and encouragement. Hope, springing from faith, is the essential and quintessential human movement. At the ultimate and deepest level, (capital H) Hope in the supernatural sense is the only adequate antidote to death, tragedy and heartbreak. But even short of that, a natural human hope is the force that moves us forward through adversity and suffering towards the good. We see here that the greatest enemy of the human spirit is precisely despair. The deepest pain cannot destroy the human spirit; but despair can. At the core of every addiction and sin is a quiet act of despair: I am lonely, I will get high and watch porn. At the heart of every worthy human action is hope or prayer: I am lonely, I will volunteer at the soup kitchen. Every movement into truth and goodness is an implicit prayer, even when done by a cognitive atheist. And so the fifth element is already included in the act of hope or despair:  an act of the will. An emotion is an opportunity for an act of the will: my feeling is hurt; now I can choose to self-pity, to resent, to converse, to retaliate, to reconcile and eventually forgive. Lastly, feelings always occur in the context of relationships and so the feeling, the remembrance, the physical act, the movement of the will, the hope or despair...all enter somehow into a complex of relationships with family, friends, colleagues and God. And so, every feeling, even if covertly and implicitly, open up to influence from Another...or it doesn't. A feeling, then, must be accepted as it is, in its integrity. But a feeling is never just a feeling: it comes bound up with thought, habit, memory, will, hope, and relationship. It opens out into ever greater event, encounter, drama and promise.