What's the Difference Between Homosexual and Gay?

The narcissistic trait! There is a psychological literature about this trait in the homosexual and gay personality. I am merely describing the difference I have noticed between my friends who are homosexual or those who self-identify as gay.

The garden variety, run of the mill homosexual is suffering and struggling with his sexual cravings anonymously, quietly, (like most of the rest of us!) with more or less success, guilt, and serenity. The gay person, by contrast, has a self-obsession, specifically about his sexuality. It is something he cherishes, wants to talk about, and manifest to the world:  so he "comes out." Much more than a mere homosexual attraction or craving,  this tendency becomes his social identity. And so there arises an entire lifestyle and culture around the attraction or behavior. It entails an aesthetic, a style, and particularly a type of humor, cynicism and sarcasm. Often I find a religious fascination along with an impulse to ridicule faith. At its worse, there is detectable a sense of superiority, arrogance and condescension. Of course there are a wide range of personalities and many gays are more humble and modest. However, in general the gay movement expects not just toleration..."live and let live"...but full approval. As the entire community celebrates with joy every marriage, hoping and expecting that their shared blood and family will continue fruitfully into the future, so the gay expects the same exultation in their sterile union. They will accept no less.

The dynamic of ordinary marriage is the attraction and union of opposites, which differ drastically even as they complement each other and build upon a profoundly shared common humanity. So, Adam's exclamation of delight:  "This at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh!" She is the same as him, in dignity and essence. but so exuberantly exotic, fascination and mysterious. But the man loving a man is like Narcissus enamored of his own image in that pond.

The is why the gay friendly strategy pursued by the coterie around Pope Francis, and even our own Cardinal Tobin, is so futile. Homosexuals are welcome in the Catholic Church. But the gay identity demands a recognition and honor that the Catholic faith must deny them. Homosexuality as desire and even act is a humdrum, garden-variety kind of concupiscence, with which we are all of us afflicted. Even as it is a deeper, harder agony and cross than most of us carry. But gay identity and culture are structural expressions of spiritual disorder and can only be renounced by the Church.

The Charming, Delightful, Loving and Lovable Narsicicist

Narcissism is underrated and overly stigmatized. Some of my best friends are narcissistic. Many of our outstanding politicians, clergymen, entertainers and celebrities are also. Okay, I am not talking about clinical Narcissistic Personality Disorder which is a grave malady involving grandiosity, excessive need for attention, manipulation, and most importantly, lack of empathy. I am talking about "narcissism lite", a personality trait which, although a character defect, can be quite fruitfully integrated into a wholesome, even holy personality when there are countervailing virtues, especially compassion and generosity.

Put simply, ordinary garden-variety narcissism is excessive self-love: desire for attention, self-admiration, influence and exaggerated sensibility about ones own desires and pleasures. It may hide  underlying vulnerability and insecurity. But in limited doses it is not incompatible with generosity, compassion, intelligence, courage and holiness.

Bishop Fulton Sheen is up for canonization and may make it soon. He was one of the most influential, popular and gifted Catholic American figures of the 20th century. On TV I found him to be flamboyant, melodramatic, and eccentric. But O So witty, funny, insightful, entertaining and inspiring. He was "Liberace in the power of the Holy Spirit!" When I saw him in person at the Eucharistic Conference in Philadelphia in 1976 I was stunned by his unabashed showmanship: Not at all what I expect from a man of God. He was a flawed man: he wined, dined and converted the rich, famous and beautiful. At the end of his life regretted his neglect of the poor. His self love seemed to flourish with his passionate love for Christ and the Church. His enjoyment of his own charm, wit and insight was contagious and enriched his ministry enormously.

My Uncle Frank, oldest of five brothers was a sharp contrast to the shyness and reticence of the rest of the family: he had a narcissistic strain. He was full of life and fun; he was always the center of attention but everybody loved it because he was interesting, charming, gregarious. He sure loved himself but he seemed to love everyone else also; and they loved him.  That is the key: the wholesome narcissist is full of love for himself, but also for everyone else. So we all love him! (Why do I think of the narcissist as masculine? Studies show more pronounced traits of manipulation, dominance and vulnerability among men.) He loved his wife my Aunt and raised  a marvelous family and had a distinguished career as a union leader. He was a marvelous man.

This trait inclines one to dominance and leadership. One with this trait effortlessly takes control and exerts influence. So, if there are virtues of generosity, empathy, holiness and intelligence...along with the charm and charisma...you may have an outstanding leader.

Self-love, in due proportion, is, of course, a virtue. Self-love to an extreme, it seems to me, should not be repressed or condemned; but subsumed, infilled and overcome by a greater love...love of Christ and His Church! Thank God for our dear ones with this trait! May our Lord bless them!

Delight

Delight, another word for Joy, is underrated!

Delight is the heart of the human identity, drama and destiny. We are created out of God's delight; so that He could delight in us; and we delight in Him-Them; and delight in each other, and in all of this splendid Creation, in Him. It is all about Delight!

More than that, it is revealed to us that delight is the very inner life of God, the Trinity, even transcendent of Creation. God is selectively mute about His inner life:  He speaks to us directly and transparently rarely, but always to the point.  The two main occasions when the inner Triune life was revealed were the baptism of Jesus and the transfiguration, two of the luminous or we might call them the delightful mysteries of the rosary. He said the exact same thing: "This is my beloved Son, in whom I delight." Those are probably the most important words the Father ever spoke. Are they the only words? In any case, they are significant. They tell us that God is an event, an encounter, a drama of Delight!

God did NOT say:
- I am the infinite, the absolute, the perfect, the eternal, the all-powerful.
- I am the cause without cause, the first principle, the act of being.
- I am that than which nothing greater can be thought.
- I am the ground of being, the transcendent horizon of consciousness, the ultimate concern.
- I am holy and glorious.
- I am love and mercy.
That's right: He did NOT talk of glory, holiness, mercy or love. He spoke of delight!

So what is delight or joy? It is dense, complex, mysterious. It is a feeling yes, of well-being and satisfaction and peace; but it is far more than a mere feeling like happiness, pleasure or contentment. It brings us beyond our zone of pleasure/pain and into contact with something great and beautiful and true and beyond us.

It is an act of the will, but far more than that. St. Paul commands us:  "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice." Clearly we can decide to rejoice. It entails our will. But it is not mere voluntarism: an act of choice.

Most fundamentally, Delight is an encounter, an event, an ongoing drama in which we are grapsed (in our feelings, body, intellect, psyche and spirit) by something beyond us, that is fascinating, beautiful, hopeful, true, and perfectly (within its nature) good. The best example is the encounter of Father and Son at the baptism and transfiguration. One of the first and best: Adam sees Eve and exclaims "Here at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh." Another good one: the meeting of the two pregnant, threatened cousins at the Visitation. Another: the first and every following Eucharist.

Delight is response to what is Beautiful, Good and True: a flower, a lover, a child, a mountain or ocean scene, a painting or symphony. Delight responds to a "gestalt", a revelation of a  beauty that is surprising and exhilarating, even as it flows organically from a prior history, and moves us expectantly forward into even greater beauty and goodness.

It is important to remember again that the Father did NOT say: "I am Mercy." To us, poor sinful creatures, of course, God is first and foremost mercy. But not in Himself. Mercy is the response of the gracious, the good, the strong to one who is miserable, guilty, inadequate. That would be us: "Let your mercy be upon us as we place our trust in you." There is a trend in popular spirituality, especially under Pope Francis, to say that it God's greatest or essential trait. This is not right. Within God's very own life there is no place for mercy, as there is no misery or guilt, no need for pardon or comfort or salvation. There is only delight. When Jesus took on flesh, of course, God developed mercy towards himself in regard to the humanity of Christ. More remotely, God took mercy on us from the time of creation and the fall. But when we are forever in heaven, in eternal life, in perfect bliss, there will be no need for mercy, because there will be no misery. Of course, as long as the human drama continues on earth and in purgatory, the Holy Ones with God join in divine mercy.

So, how do we rejoice? Delight is both a gift and a response. There is no delight that is not already given and received. But our reception is often so inadequate. I have come to see that joy depends upon the two T words: thanks and trust. So, throughout my day, I like to pause, take a breath, become aware of myself, my place, my body, my thoughts and feelings and all the goodness that envelops, grasps, infuses, sustains and fascinates me...and softly say:  "I thank you...and I trust you...and I love and adore you."

We are given here a clear commandment: Delight! Delight in life, creation, sunlight, friendship, romance, food and drink, rest and action! Delight in the drama, the eventfulness, and the exhilaration of the whole thing. Delight in the merciful love of Christ, the power of  Holy Spirit, and the promise of everlasting life. Delight in all expressions of love and ultimately in that of the Holy Trinity!

There are other commandments, of course: love one another, forgive the enemy, repent, pray, fast, and pray. I suggest that none are more important than, and less practiced than the greatest: Rejoice.

Delightful Reader, I am delighted to share my delight about delight! I will be delighted if you are able, even a little, to delight in these thoughts about delight!  Delightfully and delightedly yours!

Thoughts about Greta Thunberg

First of all, Greta is an endearing, appealing, touching person in her youth, freshness, sincerity and fragility. She is impressive for her dedication, determination, courage, and candor. She has an important message...especially for us older folks who are coarsened in the practice of avoidance. Good for her! I receive her message with gratitude, esteem and tenderness. She is like a secular Joan of Arc.

Sadly, she is clearly traumatized by the information about global warming. She is frightened, shocked, and enraged. The rage part is good in that she is fiercely activated to take action. That is much better than despair or depression (which she previously suffered). But the element of hysteria is not good for a young person. It is my view that the reality does not require such a response. (My reasons in  previous blog post.) She grieves that her childhood was taken from her...by the UN leaders in her version. I see that her childhood was stolen, but I don't blame the UN. I place some blame on the unbalanced, frightening presentation of climate facts.

Presenting children material for which they are unprepared is a form of child abuse. Imagine presenting a 5th or 7th or even 9th grade class with videos of: an actual late term abortion, rape of the Iranian women by ISIS, honor killings in the Islamic world. These are realities and they must be faced by the adult world community; but we don't want to show these things, graphically, to children. It is my view that something like this happened to the sensitive Greta.

That she has the Asperger's syndrome suggest to me the "autistic" nature of much of our political life. The autistic person is very good with numbers and facts but not so good interpersonally. And so, as I listened to her, I recognized her grasp of the numbers and science of global warming, but I wondered who she was talking to. Well, to the UN leaders of course; but she didn't seem to know them in any degree. She was screaming out, in hysteria and indignation, about the neglect. But she didn't know who she was talking with. Our politics shows this prevalent pattern: people are talking to thmselves or those who agree with them, but not speaking with the opponent. Trump is not autistic;  he is worse in that his narcicisism draws all attention to himself and his hostility alienates anyone who disagrees. But the extremes on the right and left are autistic in that they are unable to connect with each other.

Lastly, it is notable that Greta puts on a marvelous performance. Hailing from a family of actors and opera singers, she has drama in her blood. She was mesmerizing. This is a good thing in so far as her content and message is good. All politics, teaching and preaching are dramatic; otherwise they are abstract and dull. Trump succeeds because he performs. Unfortunately, his act arouses resentment and fear. Hitler was spectacular. The greatest performer of my time was St. John Paul the Great, himself an actor, who enacted and embodied the call to holiness, courage, generosity.

Greta has a sobering, troubling message for us. It is a good message. I hope she...and the youth who emulate her...are able to maintain their determination and perseverance even as they modify the anxiety and indignation.

Global Warming

Global warming is real, is partly caused by human activity, is problematic and must be confronted. But I am not alarmed: I consider a catastrophe less than probable. I am not a "denier"; but am I in some degree of denial? Possibly so. For many reasons.

First, I am an expert practitioner of avoidance. I normally have more problems and loose ends in my life than I can handle; so I ignore most (putting them "on the back burner") and focus calmly on the very most important. My wife will assure you: I can ignore a leaky roof, a faulty appliance, or "fix engine light" more completely and persistently than any man alive. This is NOT a strength, it is coping mechanism that helps me deal with life with my limitations. I practice this especially on the global problems I cannot effect: I try not to think about persecutions and abortions in Communist China; about female castration in Africa or honor killings of girls in Islamic cultures; about life in North Korea; or about how to handle Syria or Iran.

Secondly, I am 72 and global warming, even in the worst scenario, will hardly affect my life. Soon I will retire to the Jersey Shore, blocks from the ocean, and expect to live and die serenely in that area. But in fairness to myself, I do care about the world my grandchildren are inheriting; I am not entirely oblivious or polyannish.

Thirdly, I am tempermentally, philosophically and religiously adverse to negativity in all its forms: anxiety, hysteria, indignation, resentment, self-righteousness, self-pity and the victim complex. And so, my liberal views on issues like guns, immigration and climate are often overwhelmed by my emotive disgust with the shrill, arrogant and condescending tone of the crusaders.

Nevertheless, a positive, hopeful viewpoint is not necessarily illusory: serenity and confidence can enhance a realistic, accurate appraisal. Let me give reasons for my hope. (Small h hope: we will teat capital H Hope at the end.)

1.  There are a lot of uncertainties: How much is man- (I am so sorry! I mean) person-made? How severe will the consequences be?  How much of the information we receive is less sober analysis than hysteria-driven propaganda (see Al Gore's pompous, unbalanced movie!) Are there no positive consequences? Wouldn't it be nice to grow palm trees in Belmar NJ? Given our impressive scientific, technological capacities, can't we make the best of higher temperatures?

2.  What are the trade-offs, and are they worth it, especially for the poor? Climate anxiety, it seems to me, is in part an indulgence and hobby of the privileged, educated and affluent. The poor are struggling to survive and could care less. Many of the costs of climate control will be foisted on them by the elite managers. Even for the middle class, do we want to give up cars, meat, and warm houses?

3.  Experience has led me to be skeptical of all futurology. All the accepted predictions are contradicted by subsequent events. Case one: In the 1960s it was the population bomb: demographical trends predicted mass starvation and fierce wars for resources. The exact opposite happened: across the globe there is a demographic freeze and many nations (Russia, Japan, Europe) are in crisis because people are NOT having babies. BTW, it was partially this population hysteria (along with WASP elite eugenic  distaste for the overpopulating Catholics and blacks as well as the crusade for liberation of sex from its meaning and consequence) that fueled the idolization of contraception that is now the heart and soul of Western civilization. Case 2: In the 1970s I recall reading that emerging technology would reduce the need for human labor and that we needed to prepare for 15 to 20 hour work weeks by a culture of leisure. Looking back now, Americans work many more hours than they did in 1970. Case 3: In 1989 the fall of Communist Russia was seen as the final triumph of liberal, democratic capitalism. Just 30 years later, this system is under attack across the world, not least by Trumpism! So, my suspicious view is: when the experts predict a certainty, expect the opposite. I for one will not be surprised when the Tuesday NY Times Science section reports a new trend: global freezing!

4.  Lastly, but most significantly, global warming anxiety is mostly an affliction of the secular and faithless. If you believe this world is transitory, a preparation for and journey to a greater, everlasting life, you are less prone to anxiety. If you believe a powerful, loving God is somehow providentially overseeing this whole mess, you will find serenity. If you fear sin more than death, your concerns will take a different shape.  This does not make you indifferent. But things are gestalted differently for one who loves God above all. Of course, a believer receives Creation from its Giver in a stance of gratitude, humility, reverence and responsibility. Catholic, specifically papal, teaching is clear on this. But generally the tone of the climate crusade is not one of such trust and piety. It has little sense of CREATION and CREATURE  and CREATOR. But that is a theological topic for another essay.

Reasons for Hope

In the face of the heartbreaking, scandalous decline of the papacy and episcopacy, I am boundlessly encouraged, hopeful and joyfully confident about my Catholic Church. The short answer: our Church is regularly disheartening in its human aspect, but endlessly delightful in the divine.

More specifically:

1.  Christ promised that He, and the Holy Spirit, would be with the Church...always, always, always...unconditionally, efficaciously, endlessly! Concretely, we have the effficacious sacraments, the Word of God, the infallible magisterium, the witness of the doctors and fathers, and the company of the saints (on earth, in purgatory and in heaven). A different formulation of this is my "Father Burke Principle." For the first 20 years of my life, our pastor, Father Burke (nicknamed "no work Burke") was Never around: he would appear randomly, bounce around in a theatrical cape, and act strangely and distantly. As a 12-year old altar boy I knew he suffered alcoholism or a mental disorder. BUT, the work of the parish went on marvelously:  thousands of us were graciously baptized, catechized, married, buried and so forth...through the broader Church of priests, sisters and brother. Christ does not need good leadership at the top to guide and sanctify His bride and body.

2.  There is a fierce resilience and persistence to sound religious traditions. To be sure, they are not invulnerable; but they are ferociously resistant to suppression. Consider practices like the rosary, devotion to the saints, the Latin Mass, Eucharistic adoration! Even when not encouraged by the clergy, the laity pass these on from generation to generation. Consider the miraculous success of EWTN: without theological sophistication or the support of bishops or popes, this humble group powerfully passes on a no-frills, meat-and-potatoes, common sense Catholic faith to countless believers.

3.  The alternative, a liberal and accomodating faith, "Catholic lite", is lacking in vigor and appeal. It will always attract the majority who want to keep their faith but adopt what they like best in society, whether that is sterile sex or gender uniformity or the dismissal of useless human lives. The resurgence of this in the current pontificate may well prevail in the new episcopacy and the Vatican, but it is shallow and without charm.

4.  The lay ecclesial movements and the younger religious orders are a breath of fresh air, enlivening the Church and re-expressing Tradition in creative, exciting ways. They are bearing fruit in vocations, large families, energetic communities and fervent evangelization and catechesis. They are the hope of the Church.

5.  Young priests: those now in their 30s and 40s are often traditional or influenced by John Paul and Benedict. This may be especially true of those who studied in Rome and are destined to take leadership in their local churches. They will not implement the agenda of Team Francis. And we can anticipate a tension between the new episcopacy and the new priesthood.

6. The Catholic Church has a genius for living with a degree of division and disagreement. For sure, we have clear boundaries and beliefs; but we are not a narrow cult; we tolerate well a degree of dissent and disagreement. For example, for the last 50 years since Humanae Vitae we have been in virtual schism on sex, authority, gender and tradition. But the pastoral decision in 1968 was to go easy and tolerate the dissent. There was a cost to this decision: a confusion about the Truth. But the gain was the unity of the Church and an ongoing openness to those unable to understand or accept Church teaching. My own archdiocese of Newark now has a strong liberal in Cardinal Joseph Tobin who succeeded a conservative, Archbishop Meyers. Both have been clear in their pastoral and theological visions; and both have been generous, tolerant and gracious to those who see things differently. And so, as the episcopacy goes liberal and the lower clergy conservative, we will not see a real schism: we will see mutual respect, charity and generosity, along with tension.

7. The spiritual/theological legacy of John Paul, Benedict and their school (Baltasar/Speyr, Girard, DeLubac) is incomprehensibly rich, profound, promising. They have done for the third milenium what Augustine did for the first and Thomas for the second. They are exiled by the current pope but their work will bear abundant fruit, slowly and patiently.

8.  Perhaps most important, I remind myself that ultimately the only thing that really matters is my own holiness. As I grow in closeness to God, as I respond docilely to the promptings of the Holy Spirit; as I am made fresh and pure in Love, I will draw those around me in the same direction. That is all that counts!

Grieving the Decline of the Papacy

My sadness gets deeper and calmer as this papacy gets worse. Ten years ago I could not have imagined such a profound decline of trust in the pope, cardinals and bishops. For the first six decades of my life, the pope was the source of light, strength and encouragement for practicing Catholics: the popes ranged from very good (Pius XII, John XXIII, Paul VI) to excellent (Benedict XIII) to outstanding (John Paul II). We were overdue for a weak pope; and we got one.

Five developments trouble me.

First, the destruction of the John Paul Institute for the Study of the Family in Rome is clear evidence of the rejection of the legacy of that great pope. Early in this pontificate, I tried hard to practice a "hermeneutic of continuity" by understanding Francis in communion with John Paul and Benedict. That effort failed. There is a clear rupture here. To be clear, this pope has not renounced Humanae Vitae and all that flows from it. But his lieutenants have. And he has sidelined John Paul's inspiring, d catechesis of the human body in favor of political goals like immigration and global warming. His neglect of the theology of the body may reflect a personal asexuality: he seems to be unfamiliar with the raging passions of sexual and romantic desire, the consuming fire of concupiscence. He is of little help to those of us that do deal with such. This is like the confessor who counsels the penitent porn addict: "Don't worry about that! You are just human after all...and everyone does it anyway." SO oblivious of the darkness, shame, guilt and bondage intrinsic to lust and covetousness! The radiant gospel of chastity, fidelity and fecundity...proclaimed and embodied by John Paul...is now in exile.

Secondly, the insertion of his personal view of the death penalty into the Catechism is a grave misuse of authority, a failure in collegiality (no consultation with the bishops), a desecration of that holy document, and an arrogant rejection of a clear Catholic tradition. It is reflective of his compulsion to pursue his own political, ideological goals and present them as Church teaching.

Thirdly, more than a year after the catastrophic summer of McCarrick and Vigano he has refused to reveal what really happened. It is hardly possible to view this as anything else but a continued cover-up of the scandals of the (now credible) "lavender mafia." This cynicism is confirmed by ongoing advocacy in the Vatican of the gay agenda and new scandals.

Fourth, his agreement with Communist China is a serious mistake and a sell-out of the faithful, persecuted Catholic underground. His naive accomodation to this vile regime is similar to his casual tolerance of the tyranny of cultural liberalism in the West. Francis is a culture warrior: he is relentless about immigration and global warming and allergic to USA capitalism. These are valid concerns but neither the expertise nor the purpose of the papacy. He lacks clarity, intensity and vigilance about the real threats to the faith of the little ones.

Lastly, he is succeeding in re-creating the college of cardinals in his own image. Liberal Jesuit Thomas Reese said that if John Paul or Benedict had been so ideological in their choice of cardinals and bishops that he would have been furious. And so, a cynicism about the emergent hierarchy is simply realistic.

These are dark days for the Catholic Church. It feels like we fell into a time machine and woke up in a corrupt Renaissance pontificate; or into the ancient Church with Athanasius and Anthony in the desert and the entire hierarchy gone Arian. Nevertheless, I am boundlessly hopeful, encouraged and confident about the Church...Why so? That is topic of my next blog.

Judge Kavanaugh: Again Accused

I find myself clarifying the facts about Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh:

1.  This apocalyptic battle is about abortion, the singular most divisive issue in the history of our country. (Yes, worse than slavery in my view.) Admittedly, there is a secondary concern: the abuse of women. It is possible for a pro-lifer, especially a woman, to be against his nomination. But it is mostly about abortion: it is unthinkable that a pro-abortion advocate could back him; and improbable that such would oppose a pro-choice candidate with a similar accusation.

2.  The Supreme Court Justice has extreme legal power and so the bar for moral integrity (and competence)  is sky high; and also the credibility bar for serious accusations quite low in comparison with that for criminal or civil conviction or other social judgments.

3.  In his entire adult, professional, post-school life this man has a superb history in his relations with women, his professional integrity and competence, and his entire personal life.

4.  The reality of abuse of women by men is pervasive, profound, and entirely horrific.

5.  The accusations are not substantiated by a convincing body of evidence and cannot stand as an objective judgment against the man.

6.  The accusations are credible. The testimony of the primary witness was entirely convincing in regard to her sincerity, her intelligence, and her conscientiousness. Additionally, the details and context make sense, especially the jock-drinking world the young man inhabited. It also makes sense that he would not remember it, if it did occur when he was drunk.

However, granting the fallibility of memory and the evident fragility of the witness, her testimony on its own, without corroborating evidence, cannot be considered objectively valid. Even ancient Jewish tradition always required at least two witnesses to convict (the story of Suzana and the prophet Daniel): the second witness never appeared.

The fact that the alleged incident, or something like it, would have happened under the influence of alcohol is certainly not exculpatory, but in light of his age and subsequent history, not insignificant.

I think it is possible that something dishonorable happened: I would place the probability in the 20% to 40% range...not enough to stand as a disqualification in light of all the facts. I feel terrible for him and his family, as I also feel badly for the witness. I understand how an intelligent person, especially a woman who has been violated by male aggression,  one who shares my values and these facts, would have a more sensitive sensibility and oppose the nomination.

I remain a firm, ardent supporter of the Judge. I despise the shrill, self-righteous,lynch mob charge to crucify the man on such inadequate evidence. I trust that his service on the court will be long, wise, and honorable. And I wish healing for him and his family as well as his accuser and hers.

Reversed Gender Roles: Woman as Provider; Man as Scholar, Missionary, Contemplative

In 1946 my parents married: Mom happily retreated from the NYC work world to make a home and raise nine children; Dad worked hard and provided well! They were very happy! They were representative of their cohort, the Great Generation. My wife and I emulated this model for about 30 years. It worked perfectly! We were happy. When I reached the age of 55, just into the new century, we reversed roles: Mary Lynn was making good money, half-time, as a nurse; I left my higher paying job (almost 6 figures) to make one third in service, first as a religion teacher in a Catholic high school and then running boarding homes for low-income money. Her proficiency as a provider freed me for ministry in the Church and community.

I see this second gender model as an emerging, promising model...for many, but certainly not all.

Young women are vastly outperforming men in many arenas: especially in education, also in stability of career and generally in emotional maturity (in regard to identity, commitment, vocation) during early adulthood. If you do not see this, you live in another world from mine!

Many young women are able to nurture the children and provide for the family at the same time. They are amazing! Really!

Many young men are drifting, disoriented in career, reluctant to commit, unhinged in their masculine identity.

I am hoping that the professional competence of our young women might free up some men to, like myself, pursue a vocation in service, including study and prayer as the roots of Christ-centered ministry.

This is a retrieval of older Jewish and Greek traditions. Even today in Orthodox communities it is accepted that men dedicate themselves to prayerful study, sharing and teaching of God's revelation. We read about this in Proverbs and the wisdom literature which praises the industrious wife who provides for the household while the husband "sits with the elders at the gates." In classic Hellenic society, the higher prestige occupation was the politics of the "polis" and the study of philosophy. Practical work of farming, producing and providing was delegated to slaves.

In the pragmatic, technological, materialistic and meritocratic America of  today, of course, everything is valued financially: there are obsessions about "glass ceilings" and the "one percent." Prayer, contemplation, service, and "useless" study are devalued: they don't bring in any money. And so part of this gender adjustment is a deeper, broader transformation of values. With time, of course, women will also evaluate their preoccupation with financial and status equality. They will themselves ambition to grow deeper in prayer, study and service. Activity will yield some status to Receptivity.  If this spreads, it will lead to a drastic decrease in Gross National Product; the economists will panic; and there will be deeper peace and joy on earth!