Narcissism is underrated and overly stigmatized. Some of my best friends are narcissistic. Many of our outstanding politicians, clergymen, entertainers and celebrities are also. Okay, I am not talking about clinical Narcissistic Personality Disorder which is a grave malady involving grandiosity, excessive need for attention, manipulation, and most importantly, lack of empathy. I am talking about "narcissism lite", a personality trait which, although a character defect, can be quite fruitfully integrated into a wholesome, even holy personality when there are countervailing virtues, especially compassion and generosity.
Put simply, ordinary garden-variety narcissism is excessive self-love: desire for attention, self-admiration, influence and exaggerated sensibility about ones own desires and pleasures. It may hide underlying vulnerability and insecurity. But in limited doses it is not incompatible with generosity, compassion, intelligence, courage and holiness.
Bishop Fulton Sheen is up for canonization and may make it soon. He was one of the most influential, popular and gifted Catholic American figures of the 20th century. On TV I found him to be flamboyant, melodramatic, and eccentric. But O So witty, funny, insightful, entertaining and inspiring. He was "Liberace in the power of the Holy Spirit!" When I saw him in person at the Eucharistic Conference in Philadelphia in 1976 I was stunned by his unabashed showmanship: Not at all what I expect from a man of God. He was a flawed man: he wined, dined and converted the rich, famous and beautiful. At the end of his life regretted his neglect of the poor. His self love seemed to flourish with his passionate love for Christ and the Church. His enjoyment of his own charm, wit and insight was contagious and enriched his ministry enormously.
My Uncle Frank, oldest of five brothers was a sharp contrast to the shyness and reticence of the rest of the family: he had a narcissistic strain. He was full of life and fun; he was always the center of attention but everybody loved it because he was interesting, charming, gregarious. He sure loved himself but he seemed to love everyone else also; and they loved him. That is the key: the wholesome narcissist is full of love for himself, but also for everyone else. So we all love him! (Why do I think of the narcissist as masculine? Studies show more pronounced traits of manipulation, dominance and vulnerability among men.) He loved his wife my Aunt and raised a marvelous family and had a distinguished career as a union leader. He was a marvelous man.
This trait inclines one to dominance and leadership. One with this trait effortlessly takes control and exerts influence. So, if there are virtues of generosity, empathy, holiness and intelligence...along with the charm and charisma...you may have an outstanding leader.
Self-love, in due proportion, is, of course, a virtue. Self-love to an extreme, it seems to me, should not be repressed or condemned; but subsumed, infilled and overcome by a greater love...love of Christ and His Church! Thank God for our dear ones with this trait! May our Lord bless them!
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