1970 (Letter 43 to Grands)

 

It was the start of The Dark Time, for our world and our Church. For myself, it was the opposite.

Our World

In the late 60s, Sexual Liberalism triumphed, at the elite levels of society, in the Culture War. Women in mass, seduced by toxic masculinity and disguised misogyny, swallowed The Contra-Conception Pill. Not since Eve bit the fruit has there been such a cosmic catastrophe! Never has a campaign from hell been so successfully waged! Decisively, sexuality was torn from it sacred setting in spousal union, fidelity, chastity, and fertility. Thus unhinged, sex and romance were rendered sterile, sinful, extrinsic, futile, oppressive and self-destructive.

Almost immediately, the dire predictions of Pope Paul VI on the consequences of contraception were fulfilled: surge in the divorce rate; systemic massacre of the powerless unborn; degradation of women; pornography normalized into a pandemic; breakdown of the family and intermediate communities; gay activism; and a militant feminism embracive of the tripod from hell (sexual license, "reproductive rights," and careerism over motherhood.) Masculinity fell into crisis. The foundation of our society in marital stability was upended and replaced by a vacuous, isolated individualism of quiet desperation and despair. 

Our Church

Catholicism was singularly unprepared for this diabolical onslaught. We emerged from Vatican II in 1965 with a sunny, optimistic game plan: engage the world positively, accepting all that is good and offering the Gospel in a mutuality of trust. We embarked on this campaign just as the world was turning dark. It was as if the three little pigs, with the best of intentions, decided to befriend the Big Bad Wolf, to warm his cold heart with kindness, to relieve the psychological wounds which he diverted into his ravenous appetite! Bad Idea!

A critical mass of Catholic intelligentsia, our "best and brightest," lacking deep Catholic spiritual and philosophical roots, surrendered to the "Spirit of the Age" (often referred to as "the Spirit of Vatican II") and accommodated to this new ethos of sterile, futile sexuality. Thus emerged a novel Catholic Liberalism or Progressivism. 

The Church thus entered into a Culture Civil War that has been raging for over 50 years. It is getting worse, not better, with the German Church,"synodality" and a more flamingly "woke" culture on the Left. The combatants are opposing forces on both sides of the issues. A majority of the laity and much of the clergy are detached, disinterested, confused or conflicted. 

The 35-year dual papacy of John Paul and Benedict (1978-2013) was a consolidation of a conservatism, tempered by an openness to moderate change in continuity with tradition. The confusing papacy of Francis has disappointed both conservatives and progressives and cast us back into the divisiveness of the 1970s. 

Worst of all, hidden from view, a vile pattern of sexual abuse, mostly of teen boys, was practiced by priests and allowed, scandalously, by Church authorities. The Catholic Church had plunged into a darkness that was previously unimaginable.

My Graced 1970

The year after my college graduation and before my marriage, 1970 was my pivot year. At the age of 23, living on the upper west side of Manhattan, studying theology at Woodstock Jesuit School of Theology and Union Seminary, teaching English-as-a-Second-Language in the South Bronx and religion (part time) at Xavier H.S....this year was, for me, overflowing with graces and blessings!

For starters, I dated, courted and became engaged to the Love-of-My-Life, Mary Lynn Remmele. She put me in a permanent state of ecstasy. It lingers even today. We married on the 9th day of January 1971. The beginning of our family.

I studied the Catholic Mystics and Prayer under Joseph Whelan S.J., the best teacher I ever had and the holiest man I ever met. Already "in love," I effortlessly fell in love now with the Church, her saints, and the mystical theology of  von Hugel, von Balthasar and others. 

I studied Fundamental Theology under Avery Dulles S.J., the undisputed dean of American Catholic theology. Still viewed as a Vatican II liberal in 1970, he went on to singlehandedly resist the fashionable, hegemonic progressivism of academic theology of the 70s-80s-90s; to be given the red hat of a Cardinal; and to endear himself to me by his humility, awkwardness, encyclopedic erudition, balance, loyalty to tradition, brilliance, and resemblance to my uncles. I loved and admired this man!

At Xavier H.S. my department chairman, Neil Dougherty S.J. became also my spiritual director. He completed the threesome of holy, learned mentors, each embodying the classic Jesuit legacy of holiness, learning, and loyalty to the Church.

I cherished a friendship with roommate Gilbert Davidowitz, scholarly, sensitive, neurotic, eccentric, affectionate, endearing, observant Orthodox Jew. And another friend, Tony Petroski, guitar-playing, pot-smoking, gentle, intuitive, authentically hippy Puerto Rican. I enjoyed my students who were learning English.

My best friend at that time was George Lissandrello, a roommate from college seminary. He lived and worked in the gay community of the East Village. Gay liberation was birthing there at this very moment. I was welcomed warmly by George's friends who seemed to find me of interest. Most were raised Catholic and harbored a fascination especially for the stranger aspects of our faith (stigmata, incorruption, levitation, bi-location, etc.) about which they joked but with disguised reverence. George later contracted AIDs and died at an early age. I often recall his solemn, gentle words to me: "The gay life is very, very sad."

The entirety of my adult life was already in the seed of that year of 1970: my marriage, my love of theology and catechesis, my rich friendships with the poor and a dazzling diversity of fascinating endearing persons. In a world falling into darkness, I was...through no merit or effort of my own...recipient of an abundance of blessings! I can never be adequately grateful!

Longanimity

It is all about The Long Game. Maybe because I am now old, I like the long game. When I read that "China is playing the long game" I am impressed and intimidated. We need to play the long game. The short game is over immediately. It's all about the long game!

Longanimity I learned for the first time this week in the magnificent reflection on the Holy Spirit The Sanctifier (fantastic reading for the week before Pentecost!) by Archbishop Luis Martinez of Mexico. Tremendous word! The Latin root anima means spirit or mind. Other words with this root include: equanimity meaning serenity of spirit; pusillanimity or weakness, timidity, lack of courage; and especially magnanimity as greatness of spirit. This last is especially important. Interestingly, it is the opposite of arrogance, egoism, narcissism. It actually includes a humility which ignores the demands of ego in service of a greater moral vision. So longanimity describes a spirit, an intellect and will and temperament, that is in for the long haul, the marathon, the long game. Every morning in my prayer I ask God to make me magnanimous; this morning I added longanimous. 

It is defined as patience, forbearance of injuries. But the meaning, as explained by Archbishop Martinez, is deeper and brighter than that would suggest. Synonyms include: fortitude, longsuffering, endurance, patience, abstinence, restrain, moderation, persevering. This is a really good thing!

As described by the Archbishop, it is heroic patience in the face of suffering, but far more than that. It is a quality of Hope. It is a sweetness, a delight, a quiet joy precisely in the suffering in anticipation of the eventual outcome. It is expectancy. It is waiting and endurance, but not as frustration, dissonance or irritation. It is interior serenity and happiness. Our lives are full of waiting: for the crops at harvest, at a light, for the bus, etc. Such waiting can be frustration or joy.

 Imagine you have a date with the one you love. You get to her house at 6:05 for the 6:00 date. Just about right. She is not quite ready so you wait for 12 minutes as she finishes "getting ready"...being sure her hair and makeup are just right. During that wait you chat amicably with her Mom and Dad whom you like and who like you. You simply can't wait to see her. Your are bursting with happiness. When she walks down the stairs you look at her; you lose your breath; you feel a queasiness, a feeling like you will faint that you never felt before. She sweetly says "I'm sorry I made you wait." You reply "You are worth waiting for!" What was that wait like? Pure Joy!

Longanimity is not stoic endurance, but the inner Joy of anticipation, of Hope. The pain of deprivation is overcome by the delight of happiness. It is like the marathoner, in practice, doing a hard run, experiencing pain in the lungs, heart and muscles, but deeper knowing a quiet peace and happiness in anticipation of the accomplishment hoped for. 

Another dimension of longanimity is stability of life. This is a quality desperately needed in this culture of rapid, chaotic, relentless change. We Catholics know  stability as the hallmark and fourth vow of our Benedictine monks who pledge to live out their lives in a specific location, community, monastery. Few of us are called to this expression of longanimity, but an element of stability is intrinsic to every vocation and indeed any wholesome, integrated life. The opposite of such virtuous steadfastness is the vice of acedia, which we translate improperly as sloth. Actually, it is a deeper laziness of the spirit, a detachment from God, that causes a restlessness of spirit. Such restlessness can cause constant irritation, dissatisfaction, frustration and a manic, compulsive urge from one satisfaction to another, without an underlying steadiness of purpose.

By baptism and confirmation, we are rooted in Christ, in Joy for the long haul. In Eucharist and Penance we renew this continually. In marriage and religious life we make a specific vow which roots and directs our lives. Each of us is given a providential identity, a charism, a mission in life. Our longanimity is our fidelity, however obscure and confused at times, to that mysterious call.

On this eve of Pentecost, let us invoke the Holy Spirit:  Come to us, Spirit of Jesus and the Father, with all your gifts of fortitude, patience, longanimity and Joy without cause!

Why I write You my Grandchildren (Letter 42)

Pope Francis on how to prepare for World Youth Day:  "...look toward your roots.  Try to spend time with the elderly...visit your grandparents and ask them "How shall I prepare?"...They'll give you wisdom, but always go forward...     May 2023

 I love writing these letters to you, my Grandchildren. 

This is number 42 and I am still counting. But I am no longer sending them to you. Rather, they will be here on my fleckinstein.blogspot.com for you to read as you want. It is like putting out milk for kitty: it is there when desired. Perhaps you have no interest. Perhaps you will in 5 months or in 25 years. That is the great thing about a blog. I don't want to annoy you with emails and texts. I don't want to go where I may not be welcome.

I am, you might agree, intense in my convictions and intentions. But my greatest passion is to share my Catholic faith, especially with you, my blood. Of my three careers, teaching religion and UPS supervision and Magnificat Home, the first is by far the most important. Aside from my family, my greatest love is to "catechize" which is "to echo the voice of Christ within the Church." I am an amateur philosopher and theologian but above all I am a catechist, listening for the voice of Jesus and striving to echo it in my person, acts, words and writing. For my entire life, since adolescence, I have striven to understand, live and echo our Catholic faith.

I carry a slight sadness that I am so limited in my communication with you. That is why I write these letters. There are many reasons for this distance. First of all, we see each other rarely. When we do it is usually in large groups, unsuited for serious dialogue. So conversation about significant issues does not flow naturally. I get really no feedback from these letters. That is ok. But I would certainly welcome any response: questions, agreements and especially disagreements.

My sublime delight is to see you all receiving our Catholic faith from your parents and a rich network of parish, school, friends and associations. But I also know that the very cultural air you breathe, daily, is rife with views hostile to our Faith. You inhale this hostility in media, peer groups, schooling and even in some Catholic contexts. You hear so many voices...many dissonant with that of Christ. Your world is so different from that of my youth which was more supportive of our faith.

Our Catholic faith is attacked relentlessly, in its core beliefs about the human person, the purpose of life, sexuality and gender, marriage and family, heaven and earth. For example, the next letter I hope to write will be a Catholic consideration of the same sex attraction, a sensitive and significant reality.

I like to think that I am one link, along with your other grandparents and our family, between you and the faith of our mothers and fathers, our legacy from the past, and the Church Triumphant now in heaven.  My hope is that, among the cacophony of voices around you,  you listen also to my voice. That mine be an echo of His. That you come every day to hear His Voice in the many ways it comes to you.

Thanks for reading this letter.

Much love in Christ,

Paca

Complacency

Complacency:  good or bad? 

I am confident, dear Reader, that you answered bad. As commonly understood, complacency is self-satisfaction that is smug, superior, uncritical, lethargic, insensitive, and lacking in ambition, drive, energy and sense of urgency.  Fair enough! That is bad!

But this morning I read in The Sanctifier, by Archbishop Luis Martinez of Mexico, about the complacency of Jesus in the love and will of the Father. He suggests that our life in the Holy Spirit, emulating that of Jesus, springs from a wholesome, holy contentment, serenity and restfulness in God. In classical fashion, the Archbishop reminds us that within the immanent or inner life of the Trinity, there is absolute complacency, joy, abundance and eventfulness. There is no lack, no restlessness, no need.

This absolute inner perfection freely, gratuitously extends itself exteriorly in creation and then  redemption in the sending of Jesus. Jesus himself is best understood, in his essence, as intimate with his Father in unbounded delight. "This is my beloved Son, in whom I delight." The very foundation and core of all being and Being is this mutuality in delight in the Holy Spirit. 

Jesus is best understood in two primal dimensions: his rest, his complacency in the Father; and his urgency to glorify the Father by doing the works as indicated by the Holy Spirit. Is Jesus first and foremost "a man for others?" Well no...not first and foremost. He is that tertiarily. First he rests in the Father. Second he moves out to glorify the Father. Thirdly, he does that by healing, teaching, saving and sanctifying us. 

Josef Pieper said something similar many years ago: Contentment is the most underappreciated virtue. He meant that the Catholic life of virtue and action flows from a deeper font of rest in prayer, serenity, contentment and complacency in God's love.

Properly practiced, however, this does not lead to passivity and quietism. Rather, the union with God in Christ overflows in fruitful, even miraculous action. Martinez is himself an exemplar. He writes like a scholastic theologian, but also like a mystic in the state of love. He is a poet. But he was also renown for his work with the poor of Mexico. He maintained a friendship with the president of Mexico, Cardenas, from childhood and despite differences they were able to bring peace to their people after the brutal persecution of the Church by the previous administration of Calles. 

Our modern, American culture is activist, restless, nervous, agitated, manic, noisy, and pragmatic. We systemically overrate achievement, success, effort, ambition, control, and activity. We systemically underrate rest, contemplation, beauty, serenity, silence and adoration.

The word complacent comes from the Latin word meaning "pleasing and pleased." it is the state of rest, fullness, peace. It is a foundational virtue for us all, but especially significant for the feminine spirit and body. The woman...as mother, lover, daughter, friend, care-giver, comforter...is the radiant source of peace, well-being, pleasure and comfort. As such, she requires an interior serenity. She must carry within her very person, independent of outside forces, an essential harmony and fullness. Even in the (God given) erotic dimension, the classic female nude is at rest, quiet, complacent. There is little sexual attraction to the woman who is nervous, anxious, shrill, or agitated. By comparison, a stronger element of restlessness is intrinsic to the more activist masculine psyche. However, the strong man also draws from an inner source of quiet that allows him to express his power as tenderness.

As we approach Pentecost, Come Holy Spirit, instill in us all that serenity, rest and complacency that we might delight in the love of the Father and Son and overflow it to all around us! Amen!

Four Pillars of our Catholic Faith Legacy (Letter 41 to Grands)

My fervent hope and prayer is that you, my Grandchildren, receive...from your parents, our family, us grandparents...our Catholic faith in its integrity, including four key foundations.

Eucharist, Sacramental and Liturgical Life.   

Catholic faith and life is a full package: it is a dense, profound "gestalt" or "interior form" integrating in symphonic unity a universe of meaning: belief, prayer, personal and social morality, a heritage of beauty and holiness. Our faith is not a buffet or cafeteria in which you can choose some parts and reject others. It is true that some parts may make more sense to you than others; some are more important; some may even change with time. But it is nevertheless a unity, a harmony, a symphonic integrity that demands to be embraced in its totality.

Pride of place goes to the Eucharist in which we directly, body and heart and intellect and will and soul, unite ourselves with Christ and others in Him. Love for Christ in the Eucharist is THE distinguishing mark of the Catholic. I hope that you would NEVER miss Sunday mass. Not even tolerate the thought of missing it. Of course there are times when you cannot make it: eg. you have no car, your leg is broken, the Church is 15 miles away, over a mountain and through a river. (LOL!)

Sunday mass is, of course, the bare minimum. It would be the equivalent of eating one good meal a week; or taking a shower one day a week whether you need it or not. Hopefully, you are every day in a prayer routine, reading the mass scriptures, finding opportunities for daily mass or adoration, confession, and the entire sacramental life in which Christ comes to us directly. 

Intimacy with Jesus Christ

Our Catholic faith is a moral code, a system of belief, a way of prayer and worship...but it is much more. At its core, it is:  intimacy, encounter, engagement with the person of Jesus Christ.  He is your best friend and brother, your Lord and Savior, your protector and provider, you God even as he is man. It is the person of Jesus who radiates into our personal and social lives, our intellectual beliefs, our style and manner, our prayer and holiness, all that is True and Good and Beautiful in our lives.

So many of my generation were moralized, dogmatized, sacramentalized but never really encountered Jesus our Lord personally. Eventually they rejected their Catholic faith. They never really engaged it in the first place.

Just 50 years ago, in 1973, your Grandmother and I were blessed with a deepening, a clarifying of our faith in a Cursillo weekend retreat in which we really met Jesus personally and than involvement in the Catholic Charismatic Renewal where we experienced the direct work and presence of the Holy Spirit. This immensely enriched our Catholic faith. It also gave us a fierce sense of communion with Evangelicals and Pentecostals who shared this reality.

Our very first and foremost hope for you is that you draw close to the Merciful Heart of Jesus and come closer to him every day of your life.

Chastity, Marriage, Vocation

Our most precious, sacred physical-emotional gift is our sexuality as man or woman: our gendered ability to give of ourselves, in spousal communion open to life, in family or the virginal-celibate life of the religious and priest. This means that we reserve our sexuality for our spouse or our vowed, chaste life. This Catholic understanding of marriage and family has been under attack now for over 50 years since the sexual revolution of the 1960s. It is the inner core of our life: loyalty to our marriage or vow. May you always cherish your masculinity and femininity as iconic of God and your body as a Temple of the Holy Spirit.

Closeness to the Poor and Suffering

From all the saints we learn that those who are afflicted are the special presence of Christ for us. To be close to them is a singular blessing. While the bourgeois aspires to rise up the social scale to a position of comfort, status and privilege, the Catholic yearns to descend to be close to those who suffer. This can take many forms of course. Wherever you are, even at the top levels of society, there are those afflicted. Often emotional and spiritual anxiety and despair are worse than physical deprivations. The people of Haiti are financially destitute but spiritually strong. May your political thinking always consider the poor, although not in an ideological way. But may you be always sensitive to those in your own world who are afflicted. And may you respond with the heart of Christ.

Thank you for reading this!

The Woman's Life Journey: A Man's Observation (Letter 40 to Grands)

Endlessly I have pondered the masculine itinerary from mother's womb to our heavenly Father. In short:

1. Detachment from mother, in the mode of  a gratitude, affection, tenderness and reverence that is then available for all relationships with women.

2. Attachment to father (or surrogate)  and interiorization of all his masculine strength and goodness.

3. Engagement with other boys in friendship and solidarity.

4. Journey of conflict, competition and warfare in which one achieves and receives incorporation into the brotherhood of worthy men.

5. Surrender to romance and spousal union with all the drama, sacrifice, and learning involved.

6. Devotion to a mission or state of service in society and eventually attainment of expertise.

7. Detachment in the desert from all relationships and dependencies to confront one's demons, enter into the uniquely masculine solitude and intimacy with God.

8. Relaxation into the wisdom, joy, gratitude and hope of the last stage of life.

What I see is that the woman's journey is similar and yet strikingly distinct. What follows is the observation of four generations of women 1947-2023, from my own parents to my granddaughters. The specific context: working-middle-class, very Catholic, northeastern, urban America. It does not pretend to be anthropologically universal but does try to unveil archetypal femininity in its dramatic structure.

1. From Infancy the baby girl elicits from father and mother contrasting relationships which are also strikingly different from those evoked by the boy. The mother is deeply intimate with both girl and boy but more profoundly, enduringly with the girl whom she recognizes as a mirror of herself, a "best friend for life." The boy, by contrast, is not-her, not-woman, male, different. He is already on a trajectory to detach from her, however slowly and lovingly. "A son is son until he finds a wife; a daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life."

Even more pronounced are the two contrasting fatherly responses to boy and girl. In both cases, the big man is uncomfortable, even repulsed by the fragility, tininess, and delicacy of the newborn. In his clumsiness he might break it! He is hardly attracted to it; hardly impelled to hold and caress. He feels a great distance from the new creature. This response is the polar opposite of that of the serotonin-inflamed mother. But the boy he sees, intuitively,  as his new little buddy: before long he will be wrestling, peeing at the urinal at his side, tossing the ball, arguing politics. Immediately,  he senses a lifetime of fraternal closeness, although it will be a  long, slow process.

But the baby girl is different: female, not-male, different, distant and mysterious. This sense of the feminine further intensifies the feeling of distance. Subconsciously he brings to this tiny female creature the profound, dense feelings he carries for the feminine: fascination, fear, attraction, puzzlement, awkwardness, shame, confusion, affection, tenderness and reverence. Since the daughter is both feminine and extremely petite-fragile-precious, his urge to protect and provide for her are boundless, even more than the father has for the son who is equally small but destined to become himself a father, provider, protector, warrior. 

To summarize: at birth the girl enjoys an incomparable intimacy with mother but is viewed from afar by father with wonder, reverence, fear, and an immensity of protective tenderness.

2. Bond with Mother is indissoluble, permanent and with time becomes only more complex, rich and profound. This permanency in relationship becomes the template underlying all other relationships: family, friendship, romantic.  The genius of the woman is for relationship. Her hormones move thus. Her bond with Mom moves thus. Her body moves her thus. Her spirit...open, receptive, trusting, responsive, generous...moves her thus. Spontaneously, organically, fluidly, effortlessly...the girl is a masterpiece in relationship: empathetic, emotionally intelligent, welcoming, attentive to the person, and instinctively donative of herself. She interiorizes her mother's reverence and tenderness for father and develops an interiority of trust and appreciation for the masculine. Her permanency and stability in relationship contrasts sharply with the male psyche which must painfully detach from mother, come into male loneliness, fight to prove himself, and construct the male identity as more discrete, autonomous, distant, and independent. (Example: our first daughter, named Mary Elizabeth in memory of the affectionate encounter between the biblical cousins, was already, at the age of 2, so astute in relating with all kinds of people that she was nicknamed "Little Community."  She has retained and deepened that charism.)

3. Closeness with Father emerges slowly but never overcomes the distance,  the awe and wonder with which the male and female hold each other. As mentioned, the developing girl interiorizes her mother's reverence and affection for father. She herself feels the security and safety of his protection: he is big,  confident and stronger than any possible threat. Thus protected, with her mother and siblings, she maintains an interior serenity. As she experiences father's delight in and awe for her femininity she comes to subconsciously appreciate herself in her womanliness. So even the very small girl already enjoys dressing up and receiving complements. She already knows her own beauty and goodness. She breathes this awareness in, especially from Dad, like she inhales oxygen. 

As she gets older and ventures beyond maternal enclosure into the world, she looks to her father as representative of that world. When he acknowledges her ability...schoolwork, sports, energy, initiative, generosity, virtue...she knows confidently that she is a valued, competent, important player in that big game in that big world.

For the growing girl, the relationship with Mom is far more intense, intimate, and significant than that with Dad. For example, the idea of placing a young girl in the care to two "married" men in a homosexual relationship is viciously cruel, nauseatingly insensitive and breathtakingly ignorant. Nevertheless, the father as masculine and a stranger from the outside world is positioned to give something the mother cannot: male approval for her femininity and self-confidence in dealing with the broader world. She is thereby a worthy partner for her spouse and a competent participant in the broader social order.

4. Maturation of the young woman, in psychological-emotional integrity, occurs (under favorable conditions of safety and love) with an efficacy and rapidity that is simply miraculous. Roughly concurrent with physical puberty, the psychic maturity also reaches a peak. The average 14-year-old female is prepared emotionally and intellectually to bear children and raise a family. Of course, in our culture, she is not yet socially prepared as higher levels of education are considered essential. But her integrity, maturity, and generosity at this stage contrast sharply with the male who remains a random, disjointed collection of mismatched parts and energies until a decade or more later, at best. The female psyche is harmonious, integrated and synthetic, of its very nature, spontaneously and organically. By contrast, the male psyche is compartmentalized, disjointed, and disharmonious. It is entirely understandable that women mate with older males as those in the same age bracket trail them so much in maturity.

4. Intimacy capacity of the young woman, by the end of adolescence, is at a high level because of her sublime integrity and fluency in relationships. But she is forced to wait, until her late 20s on average today, for conjugal consummation in marriage. A major cause of this is the retardation...emotional, moral, spiritual...of the young male. (Topic of other essays.) Masculinity is in a major crisis in our society because of the breakdown of the rituals which prepare young men for mature virility. Femininity thrives, organically, even as vicious misogyny attacks women in so many ways. The young woman, unable to entirely trust men, must prepare herself for the single life or divorce by training in some career. This requires a long period of education so that the marriage bond is postponed until later in the 20s, if then. Ideally, however, the young woman maintains a strong network of bonds with family and (mostly female) friends so that her emotional needs are fully satisfied. In this way, her eventual surrender to courtship and marriage comes not from emotional need or desperation for a man, but from an overflow of life-giving maturity and generosity.

5. Career advancement, we see in recent decades, comes easily, fluidly, painlessly for young women in contrast to men. My observation is that they decide on a career path early and confidently. More often men are drifting, through their 20s, without a clear professional path. Women are less anxious about it as their own identity is less tied to success and more rooted in family, relationships and an integrated set of values and pursuits. In higher education and increasingly in key professions (medicine, psychology, law) they are outperforming the males. This presents a dilemma: an increasing number of women  have to "marry down" to less educated males as education itself is a key marker of class/culture. 

Another asymmetry between the sexes is the challenge for women to integrate career and family. The tasks inherent to motherhood, obviously pregnancy- nursing-child care, detract from the energy and attention available for a career. The male has an unavoidable advantage in the career track. The peak years for womanly procreation, lets say age 18-36, are also the most significant years in one's professional life. So the female faces tradeoffs: family or career? It has been said: "A woman can have everything, family and career; but not all at the same time." Even as she is dealing with men who are increasingly dysfunctional, she herself has to balance conflicting demands. This is a challenge even for her enhanced integrity and competence. In my own world women are doing GREAT!

6. Marriage and Family have become in recent decades increasingly challenging for both men and women. Assigned gender roles have vanished. Financial expectations are very high and demanding. Men are unhinged and insecure in their masculine identity. But it is also an exhilarating time to be young and in love: so many opportunities present themselves. The young couple are raising children, navigating two careers, renegotiating gender roles in creative and personal ways, and joining together in mission and adventure.

 In this time of change and fluidity, the female is the stronger partner. Her psyche is resilient, flexible, less fragile, more patient and interiorly serene. A shift has occurred: in many ways the woman has become the protagonist in society and history. The fortunate young man will find himself blessed by an itinerary into mature virility, with worthy brothers and wise mentors, and avail himself of the flow of blessings that flow to him, the family and community from a good woman. Think Mary with Joseph in Nazareth and with John and the early Church.

7. Spiritual Maternity spans the last years of life after menopause. Far more than loss of fertility, this marker corresponds roughly with the "empty nest" transition and a drastic shift in identity. The masculine transition is similar but more graduated, as was the entry into adulthood. He retains the biological capacity for paternity. Additionally, in our society, men in late middle age often enjoy enhanced social status and romantic appeal to the degree that they are affluent, successful, confident and in good health. As with all things feminine, the biological change comes with accompanying shifts in emotion, attitude, intellect and spirit. Even the most fit, groomed and glamorous woman loses the indescribable charm inherent to women of child-bearing age. This is mysterious. The woman loses social status even as her husband may be gaining it. The compulsion to retain youthful vigor and appeal grasps both sexes but it eludes woman more. It is easier for the man to deceive himself about his declining attractiveness. For both man and woman, reality is demanding a shift from biological to spiritual fecundity. Not all are able to happily make this shift.

For both sexes, this represents enhanced awareness of interior qualities of the heart, mind and soul. For the woman the immediate loss of physical charm can be accompanied by deepening of interior loveliness: compassion, wisdom, serenity, joy, hope and  generosity. The "genius of femininity" that emerged so organically along with physical maturation now becomes stronger, clearer, purer. Relieved of the functional tasks of childrearing, career and homemaking, the woman enters more deeply into the spiritual/emotional dramas of her family and community. Her prayer life becomes the essential thing, like the attentiveness of Mary, sister of Martha and Lazarus. She recedes more into the background but becomes a humble, almost anonymous radiance of serenity and stability. 

The Distinctive Feminine Identity, Charism, Mission, Journey

The core identity of woman is not functional, provision of products and services; it is not found in glamor or conspicuous consumption. It is the radiance of Beauty, Goodness and Truth. It is an interiority of harmony and integrity that diffuses itself to others, bestowing peace, hope and joy. The man is always representative of something beyond himself: the Fatherhood of God, the family, tradition, the moral order. The woman is only herself, representative of nothing, but herself distinctively a source of life and love.

The womanly identity and journey contrasts with the manly: less loneliness, competition, fragmentation, aggression; more integrity, synthesis, bonding in empathy and tenderness. The male is destined to represent Something greater than himself. He is at his best when his disparate, dispersed, explosive, fragile psyche is in the service of a Greater Good, a Higher Power. He is at his best in uniform: of a priest, soldier, fireman, security officer, doctor or suit-and-tie-lawyer. The masculine itinerary is structured from within by detachment, solitude, competition and warfare. The feminine is an ever-deepening in attachment, compassion, loyalty and donation-of-self. As bride-and-groom, as father-and-mother, the two complement each other; even as there abides a profound asymmetry by which they torture and crucify each other. As "representative" the masculine finds purpose; but in itself the "feminine" is far superior as the radiance of love, peace, joy, and hope.

Here again, we might ponder the presence of our Blessed Mother Mary. In the birth and childhood of Jesus, she is primary. Joseph is secondary, supportive, quiet, humble. After the death and resurrection of Jesus she is only mentioned at Pentecost. She is invisible in all the epistles. We know she was with St. John. Like women throughout history, she is no part of the historic record. But to the Catholic mind she was and is, always, the heart of the Church. She...hidden, humble, prayerful, gentle, compassionate...is more important than the myriads of apostles, priests, martyrs, and missionaries. And so it is with our mature women. They are largely unnoticed. They carry us with their love and their prayers.

Sentimental Thinking: Anti-Racism as a Case Study

Sentimentality 

Sentimentality is not a bad thing; but it is not a real good thing. It is a recreational indulgence; within limits it is harmless enough. It is in some degree an artifice, a fantasy, an unreality. If it becomes the basis for our thinking it is toxic. Our bourgeois, affluent culture is thoroughly sentimental; as a result, it is rife with superficial, fallacious, saccharine ideologies.

"Sentiment" as a cultural artifice can be contrasted with real, raw emotion as concrete, fleshly encounter with reality. Example of actual emotion: imagine your are walking down the street and out of nowhere a powerful man grabs you and throws you to the cement. You experience real feelings: shock, pain where you hit the pavement, and then as you process it some variations of fear and anger. If you then realize he did this to get you away from an oncoming truck you realize he saved your life and you feel happy to be alive, grateful, even fond of him. All this is real emotion. By contrast: you are watching a movie and Bambi's mother dies. You may be overcome with the sentiment of sadness. But it is not real emotion; it is sentiment. A recreational fantasy. You realize this even if you cry uncontrollably. When I watch my Jason Bourne movies I am happy throughout, especially at the worse moments, because I have total confidence that he will prevail. Vicariously, that is me: I am triumphing over evil. Of course, it is pure fantasy. It is innocent enough, but I wouldn't allow myself more than one spy thriller per week.

Obviously, I keep my sentimental life limited and separated from my real life, work, politics, etc. If I were to allow my (faux) pity for Bambi or my boundless confidence in myself-as-Jason-Bourne to influence my real interaction with reality I would be in trouble.

Sentimentality of Christmas

Christmas is our most sentimental celebration. We have "white Christmas," Santa Clause, "I'll Be Home for Christmas," and the image of happy, affectionate families around the fire place exchanging gifts. Within limits this is positive as it elaborates the actual event of Christ's birth and the affections and joys of wholesome family life and friendship. But a reality-based intellect will resist sentimental intoxication: the season is painful and depressing for countless people. Even the Church's liturgy moves immediately into the massacre of the Holy Innocents and the martyrdom of St. Stephen.

Cultural Sentimentality

Our culture, highly technocratic and artificial, is largely detached from nature. Reality is largely mediated to us by media of all sorts: entertainment, social media, mainstream news sources, etc.  Even more intensely over the last decade and particularly for our youth, reality rarely comes fresh, innocent and direct; it is camouflaged, embedded, contorted by virtual universes of the media. Each of these create an artificial world of sentimentality. Consider examples. The recent coronation of King Charles is quite unreal: celebrity, glamour, an illusion of nobility utterly void of any political or real power. Reality TV: fabricated, false, non-reality. All of the movies and shows on Netflix and such (excepting a few quality documentaries which attempt to unveil, rather than cosmeticize reality.) Politics on both sides of the divide is hardly an honest engagement with reality and policy but entirely a histrionic performance, a circus, an absurdity. The result: our perception of reality, the true, the good and the beautiful lacks directness and innocence. Rather, it is perverse, erroneous, illusionary, sentimental.

Sentimental Thinking

Sentimental thought, unlike sentimentality, is far from harmless. It is illusionary and erroneous, even as it is comfortable and comforting. It rests on a bed of fears, resentments, rash judgements, false beliefs and assumptions...all of which are unreal, fabricated by a virtual, media universe. Such is a  false consciousness, an idolatry, a self-delusion; but entirely indeliberate; and totally certain. It is not a conscious, explicit act of faith in a revelation or creed as done in our Catholic church. Nor is it the result of rigorous scientific research. It is enclosure in a closed, tribal, mythical cosmos. It is largely invulnerable to challenge. It is "false witness" (7th commandment), however unconscious.

Surge of Bourgeois, Sentimental Anti-Racism

The dual election of Barak Obama in 2008-12 was widely hailed as a highwater mark for race relations in the USA. Half a century of strenuous efforts by all our powerful centers of power had resulted in a final victory: no position was off the table for black Americans. We all breathed a sigh of relief: white-on-black racism as a defining problem was basically (if not perfectly) resolved.

Then a very strange thing happened. Over the following decade, 2013-23, we have a surge of rage against a perceived "systemic racism." Where did this come from? Why at this time, with the double victory of a black American? Did things suddenly get much worse for Afro-Americans? Did some new research unveil a reality that had been hidden to this point? Was there a widespread moral conversion of privileged whites suddenly conscious of their complicity in an ongoing system of injustice?

None of the above! What happened was a pandemic of contagious, bourgeois sentimentality. A new anti-racism!

The primary advocates of this new ideology were the leftist activists who had captured most of the academy and much of entertainment, sports, legacy churches,  mainstream media, law and the Democratic Party. Systemically, they flooded major media channels with the narrative of racism. This storyline was eagerly swallowed by affluent, comfortable, liberal, blue America. In manicured suburban neighborhoods and corporate bureaucracies, these people have no direct contact with real poverty and violence. They associate, happily and self-righteously,  with people of all colors who share their way of life and values: financial security and comfort, status, privilege, good education, meritocratic accomplishment, technology access, and sense of class/culture superiority. 

This indulged, privileged class suffers, unconsciously, a guilt complex: in a world of widespread deprivation and suffering, they enjoy conspicuous, extravagant consumption. They have renounced the moral order and the primal virtue of chastity and quietly practice pornography, cohabitation, contraception, abortion, and technological reproductivity. Without recourse to Catholic confession or any traditions of moral renewal, they are desperate for some ritual of purification. And so, we have the bourgeois fetish of identity politics: BLM and LGTBQ. These allegedly oppressed groups are granted sacral status; they are elevated as Victims; and advocacy for them becomes an exercise in moral purification. 

The myth of underlying, largely invisible racism becomes a totem system with its Sacred Victim, and its evil actors (especially those who deny the myth, like this writer) and its list of the righteous. But it is a myth; it is not real.

In the summer of 2020, in the wake of the death of George Floyd, I made a habit of asking people about experiences of racism. My nephew, who is as white as Wonder Bread, adopted two black children; he could recall no incident of white racism. A friend and coworker, 62 year old black female, spent her entire life on the tough streets of Jersey City; was addicted, imprisoned, and rehabilitated; could recall no incident of racism. She did tell me that in our neighborhood, if she sees three or more young black men on the corner, she crosses the street to avoid them. She does not do so for white men. An intelligent, 52-year-old professional black woman friend was firmly convinced (by her two woke daughters I am sure) of systemic racism, but she could recall no experience of racism. My Kenyan house manager in that same summer forcefully told me: "Please do not accept any black people into our home. They are too much trouble.!" I told her: "You can't say that. It is racist." But it really wasn't about skin color: hers is several degrees darker than that of the average descendent of Southern slaves.

My non-sentimental judgement: on the ground, in real life, America 2023. race relations are fine. There are exceptions. But the prevalent perception of rampant racism is not reality based. It does not spring from concrete experience with reality. It is a sentiment, created by a multiversity of media currents, which serves to vent rage, relieve unrecognized guilt, and feed a toxic culture of victimization and entitlement.

An Unsentimental Conclusion

In the current climate, certainly in blue NJ  where I write, I would be "cancelled" as racist. I am no such thing. I am flamingly catholic-Catholic in my affection and reverence for people of all backgrounds. My primary source of "inform-ation" is the Catholic Church in her tradition/magisterium, liturgical year and the witness of her saints. No sentimentality there! I give about equal time to media from the right, Fox News, and the left, NY Times. (How many people do you know that do that?) I may err in underestimating the degree of continued racism. Call me stubborn, narrow-minded, too intense. But my experience is real. I am NOT sentimental!

There's Nothing Like a Solid, Vigorous, Catholic Program

 In "Why Your Catholic Men's Group Will Eventually Fold" (Crisis, May 2023), Rob Marco accurately identifies why these groups don't last:  men in middle age are overwhelmed with work/family with little time and energy to give (classics like Knights of Columbus, Holy Name, Serra Club tilt to older, retired men); unlike women, men don't like to sit around and talk about experiences; men like to get a project done and then move on; leadership is often not permanent as the key guy leaves the group for any number of reasons. Marco describes the transitory nature of men's group with a sadness, without any solution. 

He is correct in his analysis, but I have a different viewpoint.

Short-lived Can Be Good

First, the transitory nature of these engagements is not necessarily bad; it is what it is; it is good. My own faith itinerary has been in and out of hundreds of such groups over the decades: scripture groups, Cursillo ultreyas, charismatic prayer, 12-steps, retreats, conferences, pilgrimages, Neocatechumenal catechesis and conveviences, holy hours, works of mercy, Renew programs, Marriage Encounter events,  and hundreds of spontaneous prayer moments. Each and every one of these was a grace and a joy! Jesus said "whenever two or three of you are gathered in my name, there am I in your midst." Each of these was a visitation from heaven; an impulse toward heaven; an encounter with the Risen Christ. Each and every one.

Some examples: Every June at our family reunion in Maine my brother, myself and a few other men walk the beach at 7 AM and pray five decades of the rosary. It takes under 15 minutes. With the chat before and after about 30-40 minutes. That, for me, is gold: perfect temperature, breath-takingly beautiful site, quiet prayer shared by brothers/sons/nephews. Pure gold. It is transitory: on a few minutes on a few days with a few guys.

One week in my freshman year of college-seminary I was spent a week rooming with three juniors. Spontaneously, they had a practice of praying together a few minutes every night before bed. They took turns preparing a short prayer of some sort: meditative reading, song, intercession, litany of prayer, etc. They were impressive guys: manly, intelligent, confident, lots of fun. That few nights made a indelible impression on me.

The Third Form of Prayer: Underrated!

There are three forms of prayer: personal and private between oneself and God; public, formal, liturgical as with the mass; and lastly, very precious and vastly underrated, informal, small group prayer in family and among friends. This last is by its very nature often spontaneous, impermanent, fluid. It is a beautiful thing. 

These fluid, transitory, spontaneous events contrast with the abiding, permanent, everlasting presence of Christ among us in the Eucharist: in every tabernacle of every Church, every Sunday and even every weekday, in virtually every city and locality. I would compare our earthly journey to my experience of the Camino to Santiago in Spain: I walked alone, with God, but would sometimes walk with or eat with fellow pilgrims. Delightful! But only for a little while. Along the way I would stop in every single Church or chapel to pray alone. And at the end I rejoiced in the magnificent Eucharist in the Cathedral at Santiago and ran into many of the friends I had met along the way.

Red Meat and Strong Drink for the More Hardy

Secondly, I share with Marco a longing for something enduring, profound, challenging, weighty. I think men (at least myself) hunger for a PROGRAM.  We all know that certain schools have powerhouse programs that crank out championship teams year in and year out in basketball, football and such. We know that some political parties (think Tammany Hall!) know how to get out the vote. We know that a good career can start with a solid academic program...Harvard law? If you want to run a marathon you will set up a program: get some buddies, schedule your runs, adapt your diet, etc. If you are enslaved by an addiction  you will want to work the 12-step program: maybe do the 90-90, ninety meetings in ninety days. Any serious mission or project needs a program. How much more do we need that for our life with Christ.

Providentially, we have many strong programs available. The most rigorous is the catechetical path of Kiko Arguello which takes about 25 years to travers. Charismatic covenant communities are serious. We have Opus Dei and Regnum Christi.  Religious orders offer lay affiliates and the renewal movements provide the equivalent of the "rule of life" of the consecrated. My wife and I, almost a decade ago, made promises in Our Lady's Missionaries of the Eucharist which entail the basics of Catholic piety: as much as possible, daily mass, rosary, liturgy of the hours, lection divina, simplicity of life. These more demanding and fruitful programs flow from a heavenly charism given us, usually, through a saintly founder. Such programs can be practiced fruitfully for a number of years or over a lifetime. 

Catholicism as a Program

Catholic life itself is, in a broad sense, just such a program: Out of the encounter with Christ, we:

1. Seek God's will in obedience to the commandments, the Gospel, the moral law including care for the poor and chastity.

2. Participation in the sacramental life, minimally Sunday mass and confession as needed.

3. Fidelity to one's state in life: single, married, vowed.

4. A personalized prayer routine with a universe of options: rosary, morning prayer, novenas, devotions.

5. Fellowship in family, friendship and faith groups, with prayerful people.

Church as a Garden

Our life in Christ is abundantly overflowing like a garden of flowers, vegetables, shrubs and fruits. Some are like early spring buds that brighten things up for a short period. There are evergreens that are stable all the time in whatever weather. Others flower and fructify  different seasons. There are annuals and perennials. There is always life...and death. There is something for all of us.

Failure and Holiness: Saints Who Failed (Letter 39 to Grands)

"God does not ask us to be successful; he asks us to be faithful."     St. Mother Theresa of Calcutta

Overrated:  Achievement, Success, Competence, Control, Accomplishment

Underrated:  Failure, Incompetence, Powerlessness, Weakness

Most of my life I have been accompanied by failure, or more precisely the sense of failure and the fear of failure. It has been a dark cloud, always in the sky, sometimes blocking the sun, sometimes not. It is the demon of discouragement, dispatched from hell to weaken my virility, leave me despondent, feeble, afraid, passive.

For example, my first full-time adult job was teaching religion in St. Mary's H.S. in Jersey City. When I left that job after four years I considered myself a failure. I was at times a weak disciplinarian and lost control of the class. But more importantly, I failed in my mission to share our Catholic faith with my students. There was no real evidence that they received the Joy I was offering. When I look back today with broader perspective I see that my judgment against myself was harsh.

My 25 year career in UPS supervision was a success in that I survived and provided for my family. You see that my bar here is very low. It was a stressful, challenging career with a persistent sense of inadequacy and impending catastrophe. UPS epitomizes control/efficiency, my interior was lack of control and incompetence.  I enjoyed lots of relationships. And my abiding sense of powerlessness enhanced my trust in God.

So you will understand that my favorite saints are those who have blatantly failed. We might play a game: I name a saint and you say "success" or "failure," I marvel at those with immense accomplishments, who converted pagans, started religious orders and left hundreds of institutions by the time of death. I cannot identify. My favorites are the ones who most conspicuously fail. 

Here is a sampling.

Blessed Maria Teresa Demjanovich

She is my favorite for many reasons: First, she was a Sister of Charity of Convent Station, an order that has always been close to my family and myself. Secondly, she lived in Bayonne, NJ, near our home in Jersey City and where my daughter lives with her family. Third, she lived a short, obscure life (age 26) but left a body of mystical teaching of immense beauty and profundity. Her spiritual director, recognizing her mysticism, had her write reflections which he delivered anonymously to her fellow novices. But most of all, she failed, like myself, as a teacher. After college, before joining the sisters, she taught for a short time in St. Aloysius Academy near where we lived in Jersey City. Apparently, she was ineffective in the work: her students inattentive, out of control and often disrespectful of her. She is dear to my heart. She gets my vote as President of "The Failures Club."

St. Charles de Focauld

He is the greatest failure of all. What a paradox! Everything he did he did BIG! First, he was a rich, indulged, obese, selfish, obnoxious decadent. Suddenly, he went to the Sahara with the Foreign Legion and became a brilliant, heroic, fearless warrior: a premonition of Lawrence of Arabia. Then he travelled the Sahara, pretending to be a Russian Rabbi, and became a world class, ground-breaking anthropologist. Then he had a hardcore conversion to deep Catholicism. He wanted the holiest, hardest life. He found the poorest monastery (Syria) of the hardest order (Carthusian) in the Church, but that was too soft for him. He became a poor, ascetic servant of a convent of Poor Clare's in Israel where the children would taunt him and throw stones at him and he loved it. That wasn't quite hard enough either so he returned to his first love, the Sahara, to bring there the Eucharist Christ, to save souls and to start a group based on his strange charism. Here is where he failed BIG: years of suffering and selfless sacrifice and he had: not a single convert! Not a single follower! One disciple spent some time with him but left as it was impossibly difficult. Charles considered him soft. The man went on to live a long life  with the Carthusians, the most demanding lifestyle in the Church. Charles was murdered, alone in the desert. A complete failure in his intended mission. Zero results! But he left a memoir. This memoir has inspired a number of religious orders and the Neocatechumenal Way of Kiko Arguello. He is the Greatest Failure!

Elizabeth Leseur

This lovely, saintly woman had two loves: her Lord Jesus in his Church and her atheist husband. The two did not work together: her husband persisted in disbelief and hatred for the Church. She lived a dissonant, divided life. Her entire social circle was made up of non-believers. Her sacramental life, her faith, was entirely cut off from her ordinary life. She never preached or argued. Silent, patient, modest, she radiated some indescribable charm: everyone loved her. Especially when she was suffering and dying, people would come and talk to her and always go away consoled. After her death, her husband found and read her memoir. He learned how she loved him and yearned agonizingly for his turn to God. He converted. He became a priest and lived a long and fruitful life, sharing her teachings. She is the patron saint of all of us who live among darkness and disbelief and long to radiate the love of Christ.

Dorothy Day

Among the most influential and edifying American Catholics of the 20th century, Day failed as a Catholic mother/grandmother. In the heartbreaking memoir of her granddaughter, Kate Hennessey, Dorothy Day: the World Will be Saved by Beauty, we follow how she failed to pass her faith to her daughter Tamar and nine grandchildren who she adored. Other biographies, mostly by men, chronicle her heroic service of the poor and historic role as social activist. This one is different: a family, a woman's perspective of life up close with an extraordinary woman. Day was fierce, tender and relentless in her love for her own...as she was in all she did. The most anti-bourgeois of Catholics she gave herself entirely to care for the poor in the Catholic Worker, to writing, to social causes including pacifism, anarchism, civil rights an the farm workers union. She engaged intimately with male toxicity: the father of her daughter refused marriage and resisted baptism of their baby. Her daughter's husband and father of the eight was alcoholic and emotionally unhinged. In this darkness, she persisted in her faith and is now being considered for canonization. But her offspring were unable, mysteriously, to catch the faith. It is a great mystery! They seem to be marvelous, lovable, generous people! But not observant of the Catholic faith. What a sadness for Dorothy! She can be the patron saint of all who grieve the loss of faith of family members. I imagine her in heaven, praying for her descendants. I have confidence they will be alright...in the long run.

St. Mark Ji, Unrecovered Drug Addict and Martyr

This might be the most important of all. Highly respected as father of a large family and doctor who cared generously for the poor, he contacted a disease of the stomach which he treated, understandably, with morphine. He developed an addiction he could not break. He persisted in confessing until the priest (lacking, circa 1900,  our contemporary understanding of addiction) judged that he lacked firm purpose of amendment and told him not to return to confession until he stopped using drugs. For 30 years he remained in the addiction but came to mass, abstaining from communion, praying for the grace of martyrdom. In the Boxer persecution he was arrested with several members of his family. He was despised by many people as a worthless addict. But he encouraged his family: a grandson asked "Grandfather, where are we going?" to which he responded "to heaven." Despite torture he refused to renounce his faith. He encouraged his children and grandchildren as they were martyred and then was himself killed. 

This is an amazing saint. He failed, spectacularly, in his fight with addiction. He died unrecovered, in his addiction.  But despite this monumental failing, he persisted in Trust and love for his family. He can be the patron saint of all who are unable to overcome addiction or mental illness or any other affliction. He can be the patron saint of all who love the Eucharist but are unable to receive and remain in their seats at communion, abstaining in humble, quiet reverence. He can be the patron saint of grandfathers. I change my mind, I think he is my favorite saint who failed.

Those Who Fail are Not Failures

Let's reject labels: those who fail are not therefore "failures." That was my fear: that I would be a failure, as a man. That thought is from Satan. Here we must eliminate false binaries: success/failure, winner/loser. All of the above failed, but they failed forward, into the arms of Christ, who has gone before us, falling three times on his way to Calvary.

Jesus ended his earthly life tortured and shamed, apparently a complete "failure." Peter, his number one guy, failed conspicuously, denying him three times and hiding with the others while Jesus was crucified. 

Jesus is identified as "Son of David" but let's think about that. The king's greatness is his family lineage which brought us the Christ. But as a father he was a catastrophe: many wives (including Bethseba whose husband he murdered), his sons rebelling against him, raping a half-sister, and killing each other. Most of his descendant kings, including Solomon, turned to the dark side. This is "dysfunctional family on steroids." Yet, out of this series of family debacles God brought forth our salvation!

Fleckinstein Law of Inverted Consequences

My experience of almost 20 years in supervision unveiled the law of inverted consequences: when I was working the very hardest, my results were disastrous; but when I was doing the very minimal, I was being praised by everyone. I don't claim this to be an absolute law. Nor do I conclude that we relax into sloth and quietism and make no efforts in our assignments. But I would suggest this: when you are "succeeding" and getting lots of recognition, do not pat yourself too much on the back because you are not as good as it seems. Contrariwise, if you are "failing" and receiving disdain, do not be too hard on yourself because you are not a "failure."

Fruitful, not Productive

We Americans especially love to be productive, efficient, competent and accomplished. The machine model: we crank out results and tally the total. This implies a certain control, autonomy, and self reliance. This is not the way of the Gospel. Jesus tells us that his works flow from his union with his Father. No autonomy here! He sees us as the branches on the vine: we abide in him and he in us. He assures us that we will do greater works than his. This is crazy! But what he means is not each of us, as isolated agent will do so; but that we as his Body will do greater works. That, to the Catholic mind, makes complete sense.

Our (my wife and my) sublime joy is in our children, their families and that they have received our faith. Were we to count these gratuitous joys as our private "successes" or "achievements" it would be vile arrogance and ingratitude. Only God gives life and faith. They are his gifts. By secondary causality, our faith is received from our Mother the Church, in her fulness. I did not receive my own faith from my parents the way I did my DNA, ethnic identity and good looks (LOL!) I received it from a legion of relatives, teachers, priests and religious, saints and sinners. My children can thank God first and the Church second for their faith.

Lately I love to tell myself: "You are a very small part of a very big, wonderful thing." It is relieving to know that I am only a role player: I don't have a big load to carry. It is proportioned to my size, gifts and liabilities. But it is significant: no one else can do what I am called to do. It is of everlasting value. But it is one piece of a magnificent symphony. My failings and successes are all part of that work of beauty.

Witness of Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln famously failed in a wide range of activities before he became president and plunged us into the greatest catastrophe in our nation's history. He is our best president, not because he won the civil war, certainly not because he created a great nation state, not even because he freed the slaves, but because of his humility, his sense of irony and tragedy, his awareness of human foibles and failure in the light of the infinitely greater power and kindness of Divine Providence.

In this view, our failures are more valuable for us than our successes...if we receive them, both of them, in humility, gratitude, resiliency, hope, and generosity.

Lord Jesus, grant that we may always fail and succeed in the Holy Spirit...in communion with you and our heavenly Father...in union with are brothers and sisters, the weak and the strong...in humility, gratitude, resiliency, hope and generosity. Amen!

"Christlike?"... I Don't Think So!

The word isn't in my dictionary. I don't like it. I don't use it. It is an incoherent-contradictory-absurd- oxymoron.

 No One is Like God!

No one is like Christ! No one in this world is Christlike! Categorically!

For two reasons. First, Jesus Christ is a divine person; he is human and divine; but he is a divine person. He is the creator; everyone else is a creature. There is an infinite abyss between creator and creature. No one is like God! Categorically! 

Secondly, Christ is absolute holiness and goodness; we are all sinful. There is an infinite abyss between the holy God and us sinners. Infinite! (Exception: Mary is sinless. Rather than call her Christlike we see that Jesus Christ is Mary-like by virtue of biology and maternal influence. Jesus is also Joseph-like in his humanity by paternal influence.)

Imaging God as Not-God:  Analogy

Yes we are made in the image of God. In imaging God we have similarity. But it is by way of analogy: the similarity is within a greater dissimilarity. Every grain of sand, every bedbug, every tyrannosaurus rex, every psychopathic sadist images God just by being alive. A creature images God as a creature, as not-God. Every creature proclaims, with St. Augustine: "Yes I am beautiful! But this is the faintest reflection of the One who created me beautiful and is Absolute Beauty." The structure of our "likeness to God" is our essential "difference from God."  In our very "not-God-ness" we witness to God. A marvelous book on the 12-steps of AA is entitled Not God. The simple theology of that program is summed up:  "There is a higher power. And I am not it."

When Paul heals the lame man at Lystra the pagans declare him and Barnabas to be Zeus and Hermes and start to worship; the apostles tear their clothes and denounce this saying they are of the same human nature but bring a Gospel of one who is different. The message is clear: if anyone calls you Christlike, tear your clothes and scream at the top of your lungs: "I am not Christlike! Only Jesus is the Christ!"

In this life on earth no person should be put on the pinnacle of being Christlike. No...not Padre Pio or Mother Theresa or John Paul. In this life none of us have reached the top. All of us carry within us the consequences of original sin, the propensity to evil, the fragility of the flesh. The most holy among us...Pio and Theresa and JP...would be the very first to agree. The really holy ones are always asking for prayers. They are aware of their infinite distance from God. They know that this abyss has been overcome by his Mercy. Mother Theresa was exorcised near the end of her death because she was vulnerable to the attacks of Lucifer. The higher you go the deeper you fall!

As canonized saints we can now call these three Christlike. God has certified the judgement of the Church with miracles. But consider the reality of purgatory. Did these three go to purgatory for final cleansing before reception into heaven? We don't know!  We know that Mary was free of sin and therefore bypassed purgatory. But it would be presumption to assume that anyone else did. It is certainly possible that, with God's grace, some go straight to heaven so cleansed are they of sin. I would put my money on these three, St. Joseph, St. John the beloved apostle, those who have passed through the Dark Night (St. John of the Cross, etc.) and those who suffered greatly here in earth in the spirit of reparation (St. Theresa of Lisieux). 

Presumption

Presumption is in the spiritual air we inhale with each breath. It contradicts faith, in the opposite direction from despair, in that it takes salvation for granted in a lazy, superficial manner. It is the piety of the progressives: inclusion, unconditional acceptance, "niceness," kindness and compassion. Void of real transcendence, wrath, justice or truth, it is effete, mediocre, sentimental, emasculated, bourgeois, and saccharine to the point of nausea. 

Go to any funeral and you will hear a eulogy that places the deceased immediately, securely in heaven. That is presumption! People receive communion who haven't bothered to go to mass for decades. That is presumption and sacrilege! Should the priest offer a blessing for those unprepared to receive, he is cursed as a dogmatic, legalistic, exclusionist clericalist. That is arrogance as well as presumption! There is an assumption that Dives' life of bourgeois comfort and indifference to the suffering of Lazarus is extended indefinitely into an eternity in heaven.

What happened to praying for the souls in purgatory? Protestantism threw that out the window; fashionable progressive Catholicism emulates that. The funeral Eucharist should be, as every Eucharist, first and foremost praise and thanksgiving, particularly for the life now passed. But secondly, really, it should be a prayer for the soul to be delivered from hell and purgatory into God's Mercy in heaven. Only in third place should we have a eulogy of praise of the deceased. But these priorities are now misplaced. 

So we have today the triumph of presumption. My assertion here is that to speak of anyone here on earth as "Christlike" is a dangerous flirtation with such.

Scandal

If you had polled informed Catholics about 15 years ago, after the deaths of Mother Theresa and John Paul, about the most Christlike people alive you would have found Maciel and McCarrick with strong showings and Vanier competing for first place. For decades they succeeded in camouflaging the vilest spiritual-sexual perversity not-imaginable. The dark side has a genius for disguise and deception. Much of the shock of the sex scandal in the Church is how edifying, inspiring, and admirable in presentation were so many of the worst predators. This is a cautionary tale: beware of placing anyone on a pedestal. As I type this I am pausing momentarily to pray for the holiest people I know. It is good for me not to assume their sanctity and security but rather a vulnerability to sin and evil and pray that they "be delivered from temptation."

Arian

As I type this we are celebrating St. Athanasius, the great doctor-bishop who heroically declared the divinity, undiluted, of Christ as the Word of God. He renounced the "low-Christology" of the Arian heresy which saw Christ as less than God. Progressive theology in our time tends to such a view: an "ascending" view of Jesus as the best of us, who opens himself completely to the Father in the Holy Spirit and brings the rest of us with him. This perspective obviously obscures if it does not outright deny the descent of the Word into humanity. Jesus is presented as a "man for others" in his compassion and generosity: the horizontal plane is emphasized, the more primal intimacy of the Son of God with his Father is blurred. Such a Jesus is in a fashion closer to us, since he is really one of us, although the best of us. But the Father remains distant, utterly transcendent. We have a superficial immanence of the divine conjoined with an absolute transcendence. Pope Benedict tells us that Athanasius makes clear that God really is available to us. Has really come among us. The actual, triune God!

To describe one of us as Christlike is to flirt with just such Arianism. It accentuates the humanity of Christ at the expense of his divinity. The similarity is affirmed, but the far greater dissimilarity is implicitly denied. True analogy is violated in favor of a vague univocity: God is placed on the same plane as the human and the natural. The abyss between creator and creature and that between sin and the Holy One are both obscured. Bad theology!

Pantheism

This leaning into univocity away from authentic analogy leads into pantheism. "God in all things" or pantheism denies creation and creaturehood and attributes a "divine dimension" to vital, natural life. This is the Jungian view of the spiritual self that covertly denies the Trinity. This is "the force" of the Star Wars universe. This is "new age," quasi-Eastern non-religious spirituality. This is the environmentalists love for "Mother Nature." 

The word "Christlike," intended to honor both Christ and his disciple, runs the danger of a foggy, confused merger that dissolves the foundational distinction.

Recovered? Not Really!  Saved?  Not exactly!

A good 12-stepper would never say "I am Joe. 35 years sober. I am a recovered alcoholic." Rather, he might say: "Through the grace of God, I am sober 35 years. I am Joe, a grateful recovering alcoholic."

One might say: "Come on! 35 years! What are the chances of a relapse?" Well, actually, pretty good. Joe respects his inner addict. He respects its strength, persistence, ambition. He knows it to be like a cancer, recessive at the moment, but capable of exploding at any time. He knows his fragility and vulnerability. He knows that this toxic propensity is constitutive of his inner person, as long as he is alive. He knows that arrogance and presumption together are an Achilles heal that can bring him down.

Likewise, a good Catholic, even an Evangelical-Charismatic one like myself, would never say "Hi! I am Joe. I am Catholic. I have been saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Spirit! How about you? Are you saved?" A correct answer to this would be: "Not really! I am working out my salvation, in fear and trembling, trusting in the work of the Holy Spirit!"

A priest once told me that I would be cold in my grave four days before I would be relieved of my struggles with the flesh. It was strangely reassuring and comforting. In this life we are not ever "recovered" or "saved" or "Christlike." We are still in the battle! We are fragile and vulnerable! We call across the Great Abyss trusting in God's Mercy!

Jesus Prayer

We conclude by considering this prayer that has come down to us from the ancient Eastern Church. In these few words we see clearly the absolutely unique identity of Jesus as ONLY Son of the living God. We present ourselves as sinners, Oh so different and distant! And plea trustingly for the Mercy that alone can traverse this abyss.

Lord Jesus Christ, only Son of the living God, have mercy upon me a sinner!