In "Why Your Catholic Men's Group Will Eventually Fold" (Crisis, May 2023), Rob Marco accurately identifies why these groups don't last: men in middle age are overwhelmed with work/family with little time and energy to give (classics like Knights of Columbus, Holy Name, Serra Club tilt to older, retired men); unlike women, men don't like to sit around and talk about experiences; men like to get a project done and then move on; leadership is often not permanent as the key guy leaves the group for any number of reasons. Marco describes the transitory nature of men's group with a sadness, without any solution.
He is correct in his analysis, but I have a different viewpoint.
Short-lived Can Be Good
First, the transitory nature of these engagements is not necessarily bad; it is what it is; it is good. My own faith itinerary has been in and out of hundreds of such groups over the decades: scripture groups, Cursillo ultreyas, charismatic prayer, 12-steps, retreats, conferences, pilgrimages, Neocatechumenal catechesis and conveviences, holy hours, works of mercy, Renew programs, Marriage Encounter events, and hundreds of spontaneous prayer moments. Each and every one of these was a grace and a joy! Jesus said "whenever two or three of you are gathered in my name, there am I in your midst." Each of these was a visitation from heaven; an impulse toward heaven; an encounter with the Risen Christ. Each and every one.
Some examples: Every June at our family reunion in Maine my brother, myself and a few other men walk the beach at 7 AM and pray five decades of the rosary. It takes under 15 minutes. With the chat before and after about 30-40 minutes. That, for me, is gold: perfect temperature, breath-takingly beautiful site, quiet prayer shared by brothers/sons/nephews. Pure gold. It is transitory: on a few minutes on a few days with a few guys.
One week in my freshman year of college-seminary I was spent a week rooming with three juniors. Spontaneously, they had a practice of praying together a few minutes every night before bed. They took turns preparing a short prayer of some sort: meditative reading, song, intercession, litany of prayer, etc. They were impressive guys: manly, intelligent, confident, lots of fun. That few nights made a indelible impression on me.
The Third Form of Prayer: Underrated!
There are three forms of prayer: personal and private between oneself and God; public, formal, liturgical as with the mass; and lastly, very precious and vastly underrated, informal, small group prayer in family and among friends. This last is by its very nature often spontaneous, impermanent, fluid. It is a beautiful thing.
These fluid, transitory, spontaneous events contrast with the abiding, permanent, everlasting presence of Christ among us in the Eucharist: in every tabernacle of every Church, every Sunday and even every weekday, in virtually every city and locality. I would compare our earthly journey to my experience of the Camino to Santiago in Spain: I walked alone, with God, but would sometimes walk with or eat with fellow pilgrims. Delightful! But only for a little while. Along the way I would stop in every single Church or chapel to pray alone. And at the end I rejoiced in the magnificent Eucharist in the Cathedral at Santiago and ran into many of the friends I had met along the way.
Red Meat and Strong Drink for the More Hardy
Secondly, I share with Marco a longing for something enduring, profound, challenging, weighty. I think men (at least myself) hunger for a PROGRAM. We all know that certain schools have powerhouse programs that crank out championship teams year in and year out in basketball, football and such. We know that some political parties (think Tammany Hall!) know how to get out the vote. We know that a good career can start with a solid academic program...Harvard law? If you want to run a marathon you will set up a program: get some buddies, schedule your runs, adapt your diet, etc. If you are enslaved by an addiction you will want to work the 12-step program: maybe do the 90-90, ninety meetings in ninety days. Any serious mission or project needs a program. How much more do we need that for our life with Christ.
Providentially, we have many strong programs available. The most rigorous is the catechetical path of Kiko Arguello which takes about 25 years to travers. Charismatic covenant communities are serious. We have Opus Dei and Regnum Christi. Religious orders offer lay affiliates and the renewal movements provide the equivalent of the "rule of life" of the consecrated. My wife and I, almost a decade ago, made promises in Our Lady's Missionaries of the Eucharist which entail the basics of Catholic piety: as much as possible, daily mass, rosary, liturgy of the hours, lection divina, simplicity of life. These more demanding and fruitful programs flow from a heavenly charism given us, usually, through a saintly founder. Such programs can be practiced fruitfully for a number of years or over a lifetime.
Catholicism as a Program
Catholic life itself is, in a broad sense, just such a program: Out of the encounter with Christ, we:
1. Seek God's will in obedience to the commandments, the Gospel, the moral law including care for the poor and chastity.
2. Participation in the sacramental life, minimally Sunday mass and confession as needed.
3. Fidelity to one's state in life: single, married, vowed.
4. A personalized prayer routine with a universe of options: rosary, morning prayer, novenas, devotions.
5. Fellowship in family, friendship and faith groups, with prayerful people.
Church as a Garden
Our life in Christ is abundantly overflowing like a garden of flowers, vegetables, shrubs and fruits. Some are like early spring buds that brighten things up for a short period. There are evergreens that are stable all the time in whatever weather. Others flower and fructify different seasons. There are annuals and perennials. There is always life...and death. There is something for all of us.
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