Like most, I know and love family and friends who are in same-sex relationships. I pray for them: for them individually, but also for the relationship itself, that all that is good be purified and strengthened, that all that is bad be renounced and cast out. Happily, I enjoy mutuality in affection and respect with these dear ones, in family, friendship and work. There is an implicit "don't ask, don't tell" agreement. Their relationship is private; not a thing of argument, of pride, of policy. We quietly accept the difference in viewpoint as we delight in all we share.
This is NOT a blessing! A blessing is a public acknowledgement of an inherent good, a blessing from God, and an invocation that his grace permeate, protect, enhance, and strengthen that good. Our new home was publicly blessed by the priest, with holy water, as was the rear house we rent out. We immensely enjoy our house in which we pray and receive family and friends. The rear house is now a "sober living home" for a dozen precious, lovely, grateful, humble women growing daily in serenity, sobriety and health. The highest forms of blessing are, of course, for us Catholics, the sacraments, all of them. A parent or grandparent blesses the young ones. At an ordination, we seek the "first blessing" and then kiss the hands that will consecrate the Eucharist.
The same-sex partnership often includes immense good: devotion, tenderness, care, loyalty, generosity to each other. This was manifest during the worst of the AIDs crisis when such kindness was manifest. It can also flow beyond the relationship: I know of such a couple that has adopted a large number of disabled, orphaned children. It would be a grave sin to deny, disparage, or diminish such goodness. ALL that is true, good and beautiful comes from God. I myself treasure a vow-like intention to NEVER belittle what is good, however bad the circumstances. And so, yes there is a sense in which I, not as a priest but as a lay, baptized-confirmed Catholic, might privately, prayerfully, recognize and pray for and with such goodness.
The sexual aspect of such a partnership is significant, indeed grave: toxic, sinful, mutually manipulative and abusive. This also must be recognized and then, not blessed, but renounced, repented, cast out. To approve, however vaguely or ambiguously, something evil is to be an enabler, a collaborator in the evil. This is, of course, what Pope Francis and Cardinal Fernandez have done with the convoluted, deceptive declaration on priestly blessings for gay couples.
Imagine a case that resembles the same-sex union. A sister or daughter or granddaughter seems happily married to a fine man. But it happens that he suffers a porn-masturbation addiction and has been pressing his bride to perform porn-type sex acts (oral, anal, manipulative) which are sterile, non-unitive, abusive, and (to her Catholic conscience) mortally sinful. Her dignity is gravely violated. She is disgusted with him. The marriage is in crisis. He is adamant that he is normal and she is rigid and uptight. What to do?
Beat the crap out of him? Maybe. But maybe not.
Request a priestly blessing for him in his porn use as normal and healthy? I think not.
Intervene to confront his addiction, demanding he seek treatment/healing in therapy and 12-step fellowship, and initiate a separation until he turns around? I think so!
Suggest confession and prayer for deliverance of evil spirits? Absolutely!
Yes the sex lives of the "gays" and the porn-addicted husband are psychologically and ethically similar: self-abuse by using a person for sexual pleasure and release. Sins of the flesh. Must be renounced and cast out. Very serious! (Which is worse? I would argue that of the husband: he is profaning his marriage as well as violating a woman. The gay thing is man-on-man. What is worse: someone beating up your brother or your sister?)
We know of gay relationships in which the partners have grown in pure love for each other and in faith and have adopted chastity with each other. This is possible. It is a beautiful thing. This is what we pray for when we pray for same-sex relationships: renunciation of sin; increasing strength in chastity, purity, generosity, virtue and prayer.
No comments:
Post a Comment