In Praise of In-Laws

In-Laws: underrated. Underappreciated. Rarely discussed, considered, studied. 

They are TERRIFIC! I know because I have a ton. Oldest of nine, happily married, father of seven...I am "well connected." In the "social capital" that counts...spiritual, moral, cultural, intellectual...I am more wealthy than the Trumps, the Russian oligarchs, and the Saudi princes all together!

They are family, not by blood, by covenant. How marvelous: every marriage is a unique, unprecedented "creation from nothing" whereby God gives life to a new family, which combines two distinct families, and promises an entirely novel legacy going forward.

When I look at my grandchildren I swell with amazement: they belong to me, the are "mine," but they are so much more, they are also "other," as they come from the other side as well, and they move into a novel, new, promised future largely obscure to me, in God's good Providence.

There is a mutual belonging, a bond, a covenant with in-laws. In ancient societies we would come to fight for each other when attacked. Royal families married to form alliances. 

That doesn't happen now, but there abides a deep, unspoken connection. In  this era of isolation, loneliness and individualism we do well to appreciate our in-laws!

Last week I attended the wake-funeral-repast of my brother's wife's brother. I got to know the family. I was deeply touched and impressed. Their flaws and gifts are so different from those of my family; but so fascinating, impressive, talented, and charming! I am thrilled that my brother married into this family; that my niece and two nephews belong also to this family; and I and mine are well connected.

There is a deep Catholic intuition in the appreciation of the in-laws. Some societies allow and even prefer, for example, marriage of 1st cousins. This may help explain some of the fierce, tribal militancy of some Muslim groups. The Church forbids (with dispensation possible) marriage of 1st cousins and so urges us to move beyond boundaries of blood to bond with other families. This expresses the "catholic" passion to move outward, to share our faith, to unite with all peoples to the ends of the earth.

Beyond family, a similar, analogous bond unites us with other groups. There are many to which I do not fully belong but am connected. As a charismatic Catholic, I am bonded with all Evangelicals and Pentecostals. As a non-MAGA Republican, I am part of the broad, diverse conservative movement. My daughter "married into" (as a professed participant) the Memores Domini of Communion and Liberation and my son and his family into the Neocatchumenal Way. My son-in -law works in Jesuit secondary education and my granddaughter now for America magazine. I am close to the Jesuits, Maryknoll, CFRs and some Salesians as I have worked closely with religious women Dominicans, Felicians and Charities.  I am friend of Catholic Worker, the Latin Mass and the  Bruderhof.

I am proud member of the Fox Family (with Brett, Martha, Shannon), the CNN Family (Erin, Anderson), the NY Times (Ross, Maureen, Bret, Nicholas, Ezra, Thomas), and (as non-subscriber) the Wall Street Journal  (Peggy, Kimberly, Daniel, Jason, Allysia) but moreso of Communio, Crisis, The Catholic Thing, EWTN, and National Catholic Register.

Obviously, I cannot endorse all the positions of all these groups. Every family has its flaws as well as its gifts, charisms and charms. The problems and sins do not stop us from loving them.

You can see my Catholicity urges me to engage even my intellectual adversaries: to draw close, to listen, to embrace what is good. I cannot retreat into a culture war silo or tribe. I cannot shrivel up in the bunker in rage, anxiety and indignation. Rather, I learn from my enemy; I pray for him; I delight in what is good and true; and I assist him, by my affection-respect-prayer, as I am myself assisted, to overcome the errors that entrap. 

To the Catholic sensibility, the "otherness" ... of the in-laws, of the theological or political adversary...is not something to be feared, but to be cherished.  And that is why it is such a blessing to have in-laws!