Emulating the Bridegroom

With a typically fine performance by Sally Fields, the movie "Not Without My Daughter" portrays the actual story of an American woman, married to an Iranian doctor, who travels to that country after the Khomeni revolution in the 1980s and becomes hostage to her husband and his family. The husband is a fascinating study: he is sophisticated, educated and a most tender, sensitive husband and father. But re-connected with his Islamist family, he reverts to his fundamentalist roots and becomes violently oppressive. I asked myself: Is it credible that such an intelligent and decent person could become so tyrannical? I answer in the positive: because of the mimetic dynamics at work. Re-submerged in the intense climate of Islamist pressures, he is incapable of resistance. I think this is true of most of us: in a different place, with distinct friends, influences and pressures, we can take on an entirely new identity. We are what we imitate; we become what we look at; inherently and essentially we are echoes, icons, resonances and reflections of what we gaze at with admiration. In the film, the husband is a large, strong man so that when he beats his petite wife, it becomes especially brutal. I contrast this with St. Paul's exhortation: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church by giving his body for her! Or, I think of a third alternative: the husband as indifferent, irresponsible, preoccupied, and inattentive to his bride. May we Catholic men, all of us, attend with exquisite care and vigilance to our precious, beautiful women and to the Great Bridegroom who has modeled for us the pathway of gentle, vigorous manly self-giving!