The Faith of Others: An Agnostic's Testimony

"Even though I didn't believe in God, I liked that my husband did. It made me feel safe..." Recalls Colleen Oakley in "An Agnostic's Guide to Marriage," this past Sunday's (Sept. 2, 2012) Modern Love essay in the NY Times. She was surprised at his insistence on including the Lord's Prayer in their wedding ceremony; and doubly surprised that she took comfort in his quiet, inarticulate faith: "...my husband's unobtrusive believe in a higher power was surprisingly attractive. He believed that an omniscient being watches over us, that when we die we would be together with each other in an otherworldly place, and that praying for people was an important part of caring for them. He didn't go to Church, he didn't read the Bible every night (I had actually never seen him with one in hand)and he didn't feel the need to force his opinions on anyone else. He was Christian-lite: just enough for me to respect, and more important, to live with." Some years later, just before the birth of their first child, she is again surprised by her husband and her own reaction: He remarks over pancakes that he no longer believes in God and probably never really did; she quietly agrees with his conclusion but inside is disturbed and grieved by a loss. A few months later, she finds herself suggesting that they look into churches in order to provide a spiritual base for their child. The husband resists but defers on the condition that "in our family we should always be honest with him about our beliefs." Contemplating those words, she concludes: "Our beliefs. Our family. Suddenly I didn't feel so alone, after all." Her's is a rich testimony, a witness to faith, although it is the nay-saying faith of an agnostic. First of all, she acknowledges the attractiveness of a quiet, steady, and gentle faith. Second, she emphasizes how comforting the faith of others can be, especially where we ourselves are skeptical, suspicious and uncertain. Thirdly, she chronicles the unhappy trajectory of "Christian-Lite" in that faith is like a muscle or a talent: use it or lose it. If we handle the Bible, go to Church and talk about our faith, it will become strong; if we do not, it will atrophy and disappear. Lastly, she concludes in a note of comfort and happiness, realizing that she is not alone as she is part of a family and a family that shares beliefs. Dear Colleen (I always loved that name): you are part of a much greater family than you realize, and also, in seed and by desire, a faith grander than you can even imagine!