Concupiscence: The sexual and affectional disorders that we all (except Jesus and Mary) suffer as a result of Original Sin. Many of the saints, for example, were tormented by lustful longings. A certain chaos in our sexuality and emotions is normal for humans after the Fall. We all deal with this.
Binary: A hard either-or between two contraries with no in-between and no other options. For example: one is alive or dead; pregnant or not; the light switch is on or off; will you marry me?
Orientation: The position and direction of someone relative to other realities. A human orientation is the direction of one's life, always a moral position.
From a Catholic perspective, we consider four real binaries regarding sexual orientation: masculinity/femininity; chastity/impurity; the vocational vows of marriage/priesthood-religious life; and conjugal/extra-marital sex.
Masculinity/Femininity. As created by God, the human person is inherently binary. The masculine and feminine are oriented to each other in Providence. This is reflected physically: the male has an x and a y chromosome; the female has two x chromosomes. By virtue of DNA, each human person is biologically male or female. No exceptions. No other options. No middle course. With that said, there are universes of elaborations, disorders, developments, deprivations in sexuality and gender. All of us, in a fallen world, are in distinctive ways wounded in our femininity and masculinity.
Chastity/Impurity. This is the foundational moral/spiritual decision we all face. In various ways, we are tempted by Satan to impurity. It can be pure physical lust or emotional/psychological covetousness. This is a lifetime battle. Our lives are directed (oriented) to God in holiness and purity or away into sin.
While this is a hard binary, in experience it is confused and opaque. Feelings, attractions, passions and longings are NOT in themselves good or bad. They are unavoidable. They cannot be avoided or repressed. But we are rational (thinking) and volitional (willing) by nature so we receive each feeling, evaluate, and decide what to do with it. So, however powerful a disordered desire might be, we have, with God's grace, the ability to see it for what it is and reject it. The witness of the saints is that they were tormented with powerful urges but refused to surrender to them.
Vocation and Vow. In our Catholic economy there are two distinct calls from God: to marriage/family and to the priesthood or religious life. As Christ gave his life for us, he offers us two paths to reciprocate with the gift of our own lives. Both involve a total, exclusive, free, fruitful, permanent gift of the self. Both involve a lifetime of fidelity: to spouse, or priestly service of the Bridal Church, or spousal-chaste intimacy with Christ in the evangelical life.
The two vocations or orientations both involve chastity: the one as fidelity to ones present-or-future spouse; the other to one present-or-future vow of celibacy, intimacy with Christ.
This is a clear binary, obvious to the Catholic mind, non-intelligible to the non-Catholic. But in real life things are very complicated and confusing. What do we make of the single life? What about divorce, annulment, remarriage, dispensation from vows, laicization of a priest? What of the married diaconate? What about the many saints who raised families, lost their spouse, and went on to the religious life? Real life is complicated, messy, and confusing. But the basic reality is clear: each of us, whatever our current state of life, is called to chastity as fidelity to spouse or sexual abstinence.
Conjugal and Non-Marital Sex. For the Catholic, sexual intercourse is a spousal or conjugal act, by its very nature. It expresses a union that is free, permanent, exclusive and fruitful (open to life.) Any sexual act outside of that wholesome, grace-filled, holy context is a violation of the very nature of sex. Even within a marriage, then, certain acts (contraception, mutual masturbation, anal or oral intercourse) are non-spousal and gravely sinful.
This is a clear, hard binary. Adultery, fornication, pornography, prostitution, contraception, masturbation are always, inherently grave sins. No exceptions!
Here again, however, in real life there are areas of confusion. For example, imagine a young couple who are committed to each other, possibly even engaged to marry, and have every intention to love each other forever. Short of full intercourse, are they forbidden any and all expressions of erotic affection? This is the perennial question in high school religion class: "How far can we go?" A prudent, mature response will involve honest discussion and will err on the side of mutual restrain as to protect each others purity and the integrity of the relationship.
Homosexuality, for a Catholic, is NOT an orientation. It is not the direction of one's life. It is not an identity, a destiny, a lifestyle. It is an attraction, physical and emotional. It is a suffering, a grave suffering, as it is a longing for physical-romantic union that cannot be morally satisfied. It is a temptation. It is a call to heroic chastity, continence and sacrifice. It is an embrace of the cross.
In a Catholic perspective, homosexuality is a type of concupiscence. It is no better or worse than the many other forms. And all of us have this in some form. In a Catholic perspective, active homosexuality is seriously sinful but it is also a sin of weakness, of the flesh, and the Church is quick to give pardon in confession. In a Catholic perspective, one cannot affirm the "gay identity" because that would be to encourage one in an erroneous identity and possibly a state of sin.
Homosexuality/heterosexuality is not a real binary. Many people experience both attractions and are referred to as "bisexual." The female lesbian attraction seems to be more fluid and changeable as we observe women changing their lifestyle. In contrast to the animal whose sexual drives are fixed at birth ("born that way"), the human is highly fluid and impressionable: all the experience preceding puberty (at around 12 years old) influence one's sexuality. This includes especially relationship to mom and dad but other dynamics as well. For example, a little discussed reality is that boys who have wholesome, affectionate relationships with one or more sisters are less likely to objectify and abuse women. This is not to say that boys without sisters are doomed to become predators; but they will benefit immensely from sister-like relationships of tenderness and reverence with friends, cousins, neighbors and classmates well before romance and sex enter the picture.
A Catholic perspective knows that we are are weak, wounded, tempted, and sinful. All of us. At the foot of the Cross we stand on level ground. We do not judge each other. We love each other in our weakness and our sins. We love each other, all of us, as called to purity of heart and fidelity to our vow and vocation.
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