The Moment of Death: Christ's Final Offer and Our Ultimate Opportunity

 Theological thesis: at death, Jesus, having descended to the bottom of hell, presents himself to each of us, saint and sinner, showing his wounds, offering Mercy and eternity in heaven. That is a final and definitive opportunity for each of us, even those who die in sin, including suicide. Here we are invited definitively to receive Mercy, confess our sin, forgive others. 

This thesis is neither affirmed nor denied by the Church so we Catholics are free to accept or reject it.

It was repeatedly asserted by the late, revered Father Benedict Groeschel, particularly in reference to a suicide of a dear friend.

It is eloquently articulated by Gil Baile, out of Balthasar's dense theology of Jesus' descent into hell on Holy Saturday, in his masterful God's Gamble.

I find this idea to be credible and very inspiring. Specifically, it gives us hope for those we love who appear to die in sin: suicides, overdoses, and similar. 

Let's be honest: over most deaths there hangs a heavy ambiguity, a dense mixture of good and bad. While there are definitely some who clearly die in a state of grace, and probably at least some who die deep in the state of mortal sin, most of us lack that clarity. We are a mixture. It would seem that our final, eternal destiny would require a more definitive resolution than we achieve, apparently, in this life. 

This is why we Catholics are greatly comforted by the reality of purgatory and why we pray for the deceased. Most lives end with some degree of incompletion: a remaining need for contrition and reparation. And so this new concept of a decisive final encounter with Christ grants a sense of completion. It might be part of the mystery of purgatory, perhaps the initiation into that for those who do not go directly to heaven or hell...which is to say almost all of us.

Particular Judgement?

This is not the same as our traditional idea of the "particular judgment," but could be understood as a development of it. That idea was common Catholic knowledge until the 1960s. I have hardly heard it used since. It is the personal judgement at death; to heaven (perhaps by way of purgatory) or hell, forever. This contrasts with the general judgement, at the end of time, when we will all be judged together. Your destiny is already determined, at the particular judgement, by your decisions during your life. By contrast, this newer concept posits a final moment of freedom and decision. Baile speaks of it as "after death" while I prefer to imagine it as the very moment, the final and decisive moment of this one, unique, decisive life.

Fundamental option?

This idea must be distinguished from the concept, in moral theology, of the "fundamental option." Proposed by Karl Rahner and others after the Vatican Council, this posits an underlying orientation towards or away from God which is more important than specific acts of sin. By the logic operative here, one might perform a mortal sin without losing the "state of grace" understood as basic direction towards God. So, one might deliberately commit adultery or murder, perhaps in passion and confusion, but if there is not a clear, subjective rejection of God, the sin would not be mortal.This logic minimizes the gravity of particular mortal sins. It was rejected for this reason by St. Pope John Paul II in Veritatis Splendor. Catholic tradition maintains the sublime gravity of specific sins, as well as good deeds, and their significance for the state of the soul. 

But the idea of a fundamental orientation of the soul is not wrong. Indeed, the soul oriented to God will be all the more troubled by the dissonance of grave evil; as the soul distant from God will easily tolerate evil.  

Presumption?

A concern might be that the idea of a final option may induce presumption: "Why worry about sin? I can always opt for God at the last minute!" That would indeed be a deadly, presumptuous attitude. My view is that the prospect of that final decision moves me to prepare throughout this life as one's final decision is surely in large part fruit of the many decisions, for or against God, that anticipate it. I see myself as an athlete, preparing for the Olympics or the championship game: my preparation is immensely important!

Alternate for "Limbo?"

This idea of a final, free encounter resembles the old concept of "limbo." Limbo was never taught doctrinally by the Church; it is not in Scripture and not held by the early Fathers. The idea developed in the middle ages as an explanation of the destiny of unbaptized infants who die without personal sin but in original sin. Since baptism into the Church was considered necessary for eternal salvation there was a huge question about these infants. "Limbo" was a widely accepted idea: an intermediate state, neither boundless Joy nor punishment, rather a bland neutrality. This seemed to maintain the mercy and justice of God and the necessity of baptism. The idea was widely rejected across the Church around the time of the Council and more formally by the Vatican in 2007.

What has replaced limb? Simply, we entrust the souls of the little ones...especially newborns, miscarriages, abortions...to the mercy of God. And so, prayers and funerals are appropriate. 

But good questions remain. Heavenly life...in love with God...implies an act of freedom. The soul is a spiritual intellect and will, capable of freedom in decision to receive and reciprocate love. And so, while we trust in the Mercy of God, there seems a need to posit  an act freedom, of intellect and will, in response to God. And so, it makes sense to imagine that even the embryo, at the moment of death, is somehow imbued, directly by God, with intelligence/will to freely accept God's love.

We honor as saints the Holy Innocents, who were slain for the Christ child, but incapable of deliberation or choice in the natural realm. It seems necessary to posit some super-natural freedom and capacity on their part to fully receive their heavenly award.

Conclusion

I do not expect the hierarchical Church to teach this concept as doctrine. It has little precedent in Church history. It resembles "private revelation" understood as the personal experience of saints and mystics which is not part of "public revelation" which the Church clearly affirms. We the faithful are free to accept such private revelation if it is not contradictory of public revelation. It also resembles various pious practices...prayers, novenas, pilgrimages, legends, devotions...which are not integral to our faith but if they do not contradict it can be helpful and enriching for many of us. 

I cherish this theory, but do not give it the level of belief we have for revealed truth: the Trinity, Eucharist, purgatory, or the Immaculate Conception. We will never really know until we are there ourselves.

The idea stresses the Mercy of Christ, without compromise to his justice. It maintains the core idea of our Freedom. It allows for our weakness. It gives us hope for those who die under the cloud of mystery and darkness: suicides, miscarriages, abortions, overdoes, and others. 

Grant us, Lord, through the intercession of Mary and St. Joseph, happy deaths as we encounter you ultimately in all your mercy and justice! 

Inspire us to prepare for that time like a champion in training!

On those who die in ambiguity and mystery, show your Mercy!

Prayer of Mimesis Before the Blessed Sacrament

 With gratitude to Rene Girard and Gil Baile.

Jesus, our Eucharistic Lord,

Present, hidden and yet manifest,

in this host so small, light, white, plain, quiet.

Make me like Yourself:

Small, silent, simple, serene.

Poor, powerless, patient, pure.

Receptive of and radiant with your holiness.

Make me an agent of your Mercy.

Make me a servant of your little ones.

Make me a radiance of your holiness.

Amen.

The Cruciform (largely unrecognized) States of Life in the Catholic Economy

Catholicism, in contrast to other streams of Christianity, is firmly, clearly structured by the "states of life:" marriage, priesthood and religious life. Normal Catholic life is informed by the vows constituting these states and fidelity  to them. Hans Urs von Balthasar is especially clear on this. The Catholic soul, overflowing with the gift of the Holy Spirit, flowing from the side of Christ, is urged to reciprocate with a similar gift (free, total, clear, final) of self, a vow, to a spouse and family, to the Church as icon of Christ the Bridegroom, or in the consecration of poverty, chastity and obedience. Each of the three vows is the fruit of baptism/confirmation: the reciprocal gift of self.

Catholic "Vocations" and Protestant "Callings"

For example: we speak of and pray for "vocations." By this we mostly mean priests, who bring us the sacraments and preside over our shared life. But that also includes religious and married life. I found that Protestants never speak of vocations. The word does not structure their Church life. They speak of "calling" but it means something different. They (for the most part) lack consecrated life and the sacrament of holy orders. Everyone is the same. But people do receive "callings"...to ministry, to preaching, and so forth. Some years ago our house hosted a young, homeless, Afro-American, Evangelical woman who was on fire with faith and joy. She would smile at me and speak of my "calling." I would ask her "what is my calling?" She would smile again (brilliantly) and refuse to tell me. responding mirthfully: "You know your calling." It was a phenomenal tease. I was desperate to know what she called my calling. I insisted I did not know but she would just smile. I never found out. I still do not know. As a Catholic, I am married and therefore primarily husband/father. That is my vocation. I am unaware of a "calling." I have always aspired to be a catechist, one who echoes the voice of Christ within the Church in various ways. Is that my calling? I like to think of myself as friend of the poor; but that is normal to Catholic life I would think. 

Those Not in a State of Life?

Problem: what do we make of the single life and other ways outside of these three states. It is a minority of Catholics who are living within these states. Are the majority merely  a privation, a failure to give? One might easily conclude so. There is the lack of that final, clear vow, that giving away of self. 

However, these alternate states in fact have hidden structures of grace and sacrifice that work for the sanctification of the persons and the broader Church. It behooves us to recognize and honor these alternative states, the sacrifices involved, and the grace that flows.

To be clear, a "state of life" is far more profound, broad and definitive than more temporary and superficial engagements including career, friendships, ministries, activities. The vowed state structures and subordinates ones entire life. One's vow supersedes any career, relationship, ministry or engagement. 

The cruciform state of life is not structured by a vow, but by an affliction, suffered passively, patiently, sacrificially. It is a defining, final condition that informs ones entire life. Such are not the result of deliberate volition, but enacted by the hand of God. Let us consider examples.

The Suffering and Disabled

Many are afflicted, physically or emotionally, and unable to make the normal vows. These carry a specific cross of frustration, loneliness, and longing. They are deprived of the normal joys of marriage, family, career, and other. This is a crucifixion. Received patiently, trustingly, gently this path brings holiness. Such sanctity is a radiance that edifies all those surrounding. And for the rest of us, we do well to avoid sentimental, toxic pity and to revere the nobility, heroism and dignity present. We do well to humble ourselves and receive the graces that flow to us from closeness to such goodness.

The Chaste Homosexual

A particular example is the frustration, loneliness, and sadness of the homosexual. This is aggravated by stigma and homophobia. But even beyond social isolation, this is a condition of pain and suffering. Here again, the Catholic who receives this affliction in patience and trust, sacrificially, is an icon for all of us of the virile, lonely, abandoned Christ.

Widowed, Divorced, Single Parent

In the early Church, the widow held a strong, sacred status. As a woman without a man, she lacked resources and so was needy and dependent. Care for the widow was a privileged expression of mercy. She was also often holy, a woman of prayer, a certain consecration enacted by God. From the very beginning there was clear recognition of her special state. 

Similarly separated and divorced folks are living with a distinctive disappointment and loneliness. Avoiding moralism and judgment, we see here deep suffering. It is edifying for us to see the generosity and faith in the face of such.

The single parent faces, of course, an overwhelming challenge. The courage and generosity here again is inspiring. Here again, this condition...whatever its origins...entirely structures a person's life into generosity and self-gift.

The Non-Communicant

Not exactly a state of life, this is a precious condition. One who comes to mass and declines to receive is manifesting at once a love for Christ in the Eucharist, a loyalty to the Church, and a humility about her own person as a sinner. The most common cause here is of course an irregular marriage situation. This morning we visited a lovely young Mexican woman in the hospital. She happily told us the Church she attends but declined Communion as she said "juntos, no maridos." I understood her to mean she was with a man but nor married. She was straightforward about it.  Respectful of the sacramental protocol. She prayed reverently. We were edified by her.

Single Life

For the young adult, the single life is a waiting, a preparation for the eventual commitment. I know several beautiful marriages that were confected at the age of 50. What of those who never marry? It is my view that eventually, perhaps after 50, this solitude becomes a final condition, and implicitly an invitation to an intimacy with Christ, an aloneness, that is interiorly the consecrated life. I have known many such men and women. Theirs is a quiet, humble holiness. 

Ex-Priest and Ex-Religious

The laicized priest and dispensed religious are both returned to the lay state and usually marry. Some, for a variety of reasons, do not marry. This is an interesting state. Canonically, they are neither religious nor clerical. And yet, there remains an imprint on the soul. The priest in ordination receives an indelible seal that configures him the Christ specially and imprints powers for the sacraments, especially of confession and the Eucharist. The religious has no such sacramental seal but does live in the light of a sacred vow. This vow is dispensed and yet it cannot but have an enduring permanence in the recipient, even if lived out in a normal lay life of marriage, family and career. This is something that was never discussed in decades past, as many left those states. It is a taboo subject. Yet, we cannot wonder that God continues to work his graces in such souls, if quietly and covertly.

Conclusion

The Catholic cosmos is reminiscent of the feudal world; a marvelous galaxy of different states of life: peasants, merchants, monks and priests, knights, lords and kings. Each one is rich and dense in its tasks, charisms, sacrifices, privileges and mission. There is not a top-to-bottom ranking of best to least. But there is "hierarchy" in the etymological sense: "hier" means "holy" and "arch" means order. And so, a hierarchy is a "sacred order" which is according to the intentions of God. Each state is holy: inflamed with purpose, beauty, sacrifice, truth, and goodness. 

We give praise God for this magnificent, ordered, beautiful world!

Good News about the Priesthood: Quality, if Not Quantity

The numbers are not good for the Catholic priesthood in the USA. Ordinations are down. Many priests are older. There is a significant number leaving the priesthood in the years after ordination. 

But more important than quantity is quality. The good news:  quality is high.

Quality is hard to measure. What follows is personal and anecdotal. But, we do get around. My wife and I frequent at least half a dozen Churches where we live at the Jersey Shore and more where we work in Jersey City and Bayonne. We travel on vacations and to visit our children in different states. We may attend 30 Churches in a year; and experience 75 or more priests. 

Quite consistently and predictably, in diverse locations, the priest is obviously a stable personality, of sound moral character, intelligent, theologically educated and orthodox, and a man of prayer. I find it to be quite remarkable! 

The quality of sermons and homilies is not real high. There is generally a modesty, an ordinariness to the typical homily. That is okay. They are not highly erudite or inspiring. But they refer to Scripture and Christ, are personal and genuine, if sometimes superficial and moralistic. With a scale of 1-10 where 1-3 is bad and 8-10 exceptional, most homilies are 4-7. 

But even when the homily is weak, that is okay. I still marvel that this man, of modest abilities in regard to preaching, has donated his life to give us the Eucharist. THAT is amazing!

More important than the words and ideas is the "vibe" received from the priest. This is consistently excellent. The faith is there. If not impressive. His love of God and the Church is evident. He carries himself with dignity. He is trustworthy. A "stand up guy."

Those of us of a certain age look back to the 50s and early 60: five priests in every parish. We are tempted to nostalgia. But I propose that we may be better off today with fewer priests but better priests. I imagine a military commander tasked with a difficult mission: he might prefer 20 high quality rangers to 100 soldiers of varying quality. The American priest 70 years ago was highly esteemed in society (Bing Crosby, Karl Malden, Spencer Tracey.) Today, the priesthood is widely disparaged. They man who persists as a priest has been tried in fire: he is a "made man!" Solid. Reliable.

The quality of our priests is a testament to the stability, the permanence of the Catholic Church. The steadiness of the priests is like the durability of ancient Church buildings which live through the centuries. It is like the liturgy and sacraments that are passed from generation to generation; like the dogmatic and moral continuity of the organic Church.

This is likewise a credit to our seminaries. There have been problems. In our society an immense challenge is that seminarians are coming from broken families and carry emotional wounds. The seminary is not of its nature a rehabilitation community. It assumes a basic psychological integrity in the seminarian. And so it really specializes in theology and spirituality. 

Notwithstanding these difficulties, the verdict is: the seminaries are doing a good job. Wherever you go, you will find in the local priest the same "form," regardless of personal eccentricities and cultural differences. The priest is a stand in for Christ. He represents something beyond himself. The Church. He is aware of this and so basically humble. He has his own problems. He is an "organization man," even more than the military man, he gives his all for the Church...the Church as an institution but an institution that serves the people, all the people, ALL!

We Catholic love our priests! They are not perfect. That is the point: they are like us!

May all our priests be richly blessed for their service and sacrifice!

May God raise up many more priests, and religious!

My wife and I pray that some of our own grandchildren will receive and answer this call!

Thanks be to God for our priests and the priesthood!

Toxic Empathy

Corruption of the best is the worst.    Ancient Roman maxim. 

The worst is when the very most precious and worthy is corrupted: as when mercy is cheapened and empathy turns toxic.

The concept of "toxic empathy" is helpfully offered by Evangelical, rightwing thinkers (eg. Allie Beth Stuckey) as a hermeneutical clue to the cultural progressivism of our elite class. It is the female correlative of "toxic masculinity." Just think of a certain big, old guy with lots of orange hair and you are aware of: selfishness, aggression, revenge, domination, lust and greed. Of its nature the female psyche is far less selfish, aggressive, dominating and lustful. It is far, far more compassionate. So that is where it can go wrong. Empathy is defining of the person, of the Gospel, and of God. But it is not an unconditional absolute. It becomes toxic when it is exaggerated and unbalanced by countervailing realities including truth, justice, chastity, personal boundaries, authority, and reverence for the sacred, the eternal, the holy. Ungrounded in these principles, it easily colludes with rage, grievance, self-pity, co-dependence, indignation, indulgence and self-harm to undue all those involved. When empathy becomes toxic, it indulges the "victim," encourages sin, negates truth and justice, undermines the common good and corrupts the agent and the object of the empathy. 

The Mutuality of the Masculine and the Feminine

The female psyche is inherently compassionate. The ego boundaries of the woman are porous, open, fluid, receptive, generous. The masculine ego is defined, rigid, inflexible, abstract, intellectual, detached, and oriented by law, authority, and principles. In a good marriage, husband and wife love each other; are receptive and affirming of each others strengths, and corrective of defects. The woman interiorizes order, authority, and justice; the man receives compassion, generosity, receptivity. The defective male spirit, unleavened by the feminine, becomes violent, lustful, manipulative, greedy. The female spirit, unleavened by the masculine, becomes toxically empathetic.

Effete Feminism

The word "effete" derives from the Latin "ex" (out) and "fetus" (fruit). Ex-fetus would mean "having brought forth" or "exhausted from childbirth." It would refer to an animal or field now gone infertile, incapable of bearing fruit. We see immediately the connection to our world: an entire culture built upon sterile sex, contraception, abortion, and the abolition of gender (along with generativity and generosity). It frequently is used derogatively to describe a man lacking in virility. It came to apply to social circles who are over-refined, detached, weak, and unmanly. 

The defective feminism that pervaded our society in the sixty's was essentially effete: lacking in wholesome vitality, fertility, generosity. It was anti-maternity and therefore anti-feminine at its core. From this came obsessions with abortion, contraception, careerism and free sex. This "flight from woman" sprang more deeply from a lack of the Marian spirituality that receives the love of the Father, the eternal, merciful, generous, just and true Father. Authentic femininity is receptive of the masculine as authentic masculinity is donative, generously and selflessly, to the feminine. At the same time, the male is receptive of the female as the woman is donative to the man in a mysterious, enchanting dance that is at once complementary, asymmetric, and synergistic.

Mother of Seven Sons in Maccabees, Mary Mother of Sorrows, and the 8th Station of the Cross 

Contrast toxic empathy with the mother in Maccabees:  the devout Jewish woman who,  loving her God and  religion, exhorts her sons to heroically suffer burning and severance of hands in loyalty to God. She addresses her seventh and last son as he followed his brothers into torture and death: "My son, have pity on me. I carried you nine months in my womb, and nursed you for three years, and have reared you and brought you up to this point in your life, and have taken care of you. I beg you, my child to look at the heaven and the earth and see everything that is in them and recognize that God did not make them out of things that existed. Thus also mankind comes into being. Do not fear this butcher, but prove worthy of your brothers. Accept death, so that in God's mercy I may get you back again with your brothers." (2 Mac 7:28-9)

This mother of sorrows is a premonition of our Blessed Mother Mary who surrendered her son to far greater torment. Here we see the polar opposite of toxic empathy.

 

Also contradictory of this distortion is Jesus' strange rebuke to the women of Jerusalem which we remember in the 8th station of the cross, often misleadingly entitled "Jesus comforts the women of Jerusalem."  The women are weeping for Jesus in his suffering. He harshly rejects their compassion them: "Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. For behold, the days are coming when they will say, "Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never nursed! Then they will say to the mountains, 'Fall on us,' and to the hills 'Cover us.' For if thy do this when the wood is green, what will happen when it is dry?" Luke 23:28-31. This is among the most troubling, puzzling and mysterious lines in Scripture. I do not understand it. But for sure it is a repudiation of an empathy that is on the face of it admirable. And can be extended more forcefully to toxic empathy.

Some concrete examples of toxic empathy.

Black Lives Matter.  The video of George Floyd being strangled to death sent much of our society  into paroxysms of  toxic empathy. The sight, which we all saw over and over again, was graphic and horrific. The reaction was hysteria in a cosmic dimension: obsessions with systemic racism, CRT, defund the police. Floyd became, for the Left, an icon of innocent, passive victimhood. He was in fact a career criminal, father of many children by many women, with a history of violence to women, a drug addict in the act of a crime in a state of intoxication, and a powerful man resistant to restrain even by several officers. His death was tragic but indeliberate.  In my own view, most pathological was the pervasive construction of the black male as defenseless, passive, basically effete in the hands of the police now configured as overwhelmingly white, powerful, and evil. The black male became seen as pitiful, passive, weak, effete, unmanly and void of agency or strength. This stereotype of "anti-racism" is insulting and deeply corrosive of black culture.

Here we might consider pity, a synonym of empathy or compassion. The word, derived from the Latin pietas, meaning loyalty/piety/compassion, is itself rich and wholesome. But consider a related word pitiful. This refers to that which evokes pity, but it carries a heavy negative connotation: weak, contemptable, deplorable. So, we might say: That is a pitiful excuse. With the Black Lives Matters movement the black male was construed by a handful of angry, black women and a legion of bourgeois white suburbanites as exactly pitiable: weak, pathetic, passive. 

Does anyone want to be pitied in this way? No. That is toxic empathy.

Abortion 

Here we find the compulsion to flee pain along with obliviousness to the value of sacrifice, in spiritual and eternal terms. The woman with an unwanted pregnancy is viewed as victim. She is detached from her own agency, her identity and destiny as mother, the realm of the supernatural, her inherent connections with the father, the broader family including grandparents, ancestors, siblings and the generations to come.

Immigration

If the current Trump policy of deporting even non-criminal immigrants is toxic masculinity in its lack of compassion, the root cause of the problem is the toxic empathy of Biden/Harris, a concern for immigrants unbalanced by valid concerns about national security, boundaries, rule of law, the protective responsibility of the state, and our cultural identity.

Minnesota Deaths of anti-ICE protestors Good and Pretti were good instances of toxic empathy. They were of course motivated by compassion for the immigrants. But this was unleavened by respect for the rule of law/authority, prudence, and common sense. It was infected with indignation and self-righteousness. Such unbalanced compassion tends to become intoxicating and smoother the capacity to look at a reality from other perspectives or see the entire picture. It is a kind of insobriety

Codependency.  Every addict (of whatever variety) is normally surrounded by a web of codependents or enablers who are drawn into the chaos out of imprudent kindness. Such support the addiction as they themselves become dysfunctional and disordered through a variety of destructive patterns of protection, rescue, overcompensation and others. The enabler suffers from insufficient personal boundaries and interior psychological/moral integrity and so becomes infected by the core addiction and perpetuates it into close communities.  Here we find the prototype of the empathizer adrift, unmoored from sound boundaries,  integrity of character, truth, accountability, justice and tough love. Happily, we have Alanon and similar groups which help such people to "detach with love."

Smothering Mothers.  There seems to be an inexorable drive, over the last 80 years, starting with us Boomers, to parenting that is overprotective, indulgent, and emotionally smothering. By nature, the mother is more sympathetic and the father more demanding. Ideally, the two complement each other. In organizational behavior we learn that even in more complex communities (businesses, politics, Church) a heathy system sets a high status figure as supportive and affirming (union shop steward, guidance counselor, HR department) in tension with one that is demanding (boss, dean of discipline, drill sergeant).  With the crisis in masculinity, parenting in our prosperous, privileged, pampered society has overwhelming favored effete, indulgent mothering to the detriment of the masculine, the disciplined, the heroic.

LGBTQ Affirmation.  Here more clearly than anywhere we see the hegemony of toxic empathy. The homosexual, suddenly "born that way" (without scientific evidence), is pitied: Poor guy! He can't help what he is! Everyone picks on him! The Church especially is SO mean and judgmental!  We affirm, welcome and celebrate him just as he is! Ancient traditions of chastity are casually dismissed as hateful and ignorant. The sublimity of femininity and valor of virility are both deconstructed. The "gay" is elevated in status and honor as the recipient of "pity."

Personal Anecdote

Just recently I was considering a retreat with my wife in Florida so I researched opportunities. One Catholic retreat house is committed to identification with "the suffering Christ." I instantaneously discarded that option. I am close to perhaps 8-10 people suffering deeply in depression, anxiety, addictions, and mental illness. For me to be helpful to them I must myself be wholesome, joyful, resilient, strong, and hopeful. So I am solicitous of my health, especially the spiritual. We can become vulnerable to the suffering around us, so overwhelming is it. I strengthen my prayer life, especially around the Eucharist and with my wife...for my own sake but also for those I affect.  Jesus was with us 33 years, he suffered on the cross for 3 hours, he abides in Joy eternal now...and beckons us to join him, and draw others with us.

Contemporary Catholicism

Even beyond the priest homosexual abuse scandal, the Church since the Council has suffered a severe masculinity crisis and surrendered, especially at the elite levels of the academy and the hierarchy, to an effete, toxic empathy. The program of Pope Francis is illustrative in its priorities: the absolute prohibition of capital punishment and his aversion to justice as retribution, his blessing of gay unions and dismissal of chastity, his advocacy for immigrants but indifference to legitimate populist concerns with borders and protection of their civilization. 

The Jeffrey Epstein Hysteria

Why the obsession? The guy is now getting exactly what he deserves: in God's mercy and retribution (a very good word!) he is at best deep in purgatory or at worst eternally in hell. His partner is in prison. Yet, every day we hear more about the guy. The narrative driving this preoccupation is: a cabal of wicked, powerful, wealthy, white men conspired to seduce and abuse young women. There is no evidence of such a cabal or conspiracy. It seems to be stronger, strangely, in MAGA than on the Left. It is clear that Epstein was himself a raging sex addict. No doubt he was eager to share his perverse hobby with those with similar vile propensities.  More important is the construction of the "victims" as passive, pitiable, innocent of complicity. The underlying fantasy is masochistic and paranoid: the helpless child violated by powerful, vicious men.

The victims were in fact not children, but young adults. As post-pubescent females they were adult, not only biologically as capable of conceiving a child, but emotionally/intellectually/morally/spiritually. Socially, they were adolescents. But adolescence is itself a social construct of a complex, industrial society. It is unknown to ancient, simple societies which recognize a natural, simple binary: child/adult.

The canon law of the Catholic law allows marriage of a female at the age of 14 but the male at 16. This recognizes the faster maturation of the woman. It grants that at this age she is capable of adult consent and moral responsibility, of spousal vows and maternity. In the eyes of the Church the 14 year old is a young woman, not a child and not an adolescent.

As a group the victims are strikingly attractive, competent, confident, aggressive, persistent and accomplished. They were that way at the time of the abuse. These were not insecure, rejected "losers." They were the cool girls, the pretty girls, the winners. They were chosen because they were beautiful, confident, interesting, and full of life. 

They were not compelled or pressured to return to the island. They came of their own free will because they wanted the money, the glamour, the promise of a future of such. They recruited classmates and even younger sisters. 

The real injustice to them was that they were unprepared to face this temptation: their culture, families and Churches did not teach them their dignity as women,  and the values of chastity, virginity and spousal union. And so, they really were adult (if young and unprepared) collaborators in the abuse.

Construing themselves as pitiful victims, keeps them and vicariously the society obsessed with this) in a limbo state of passivity, irresponsibility, and incompetence. They would be better off to confess their sin, forgive their abusers, and move forward freely with their lives.

Contrast: Simone Weil and Edith Stein (St. Theresa Benedicta of the Cross) on Empathy

Contemporaries, converts from secular Judaism to Christianity, mystics, and easily the two most significant, profound female philosophers of the 20th century, these two are fascinating contrasts on empathy, toxic and wholesome.

Weil's thought dealt profoundly with "attention" as the reception of the other, and particularly attention to the afflicted, empathy, as loss of self and really miraculous. This included what she called "decreation." This is a puzzling concept: a mysticism of nothingness, a transcendence of the bodied self, in a deep renunciation of the same. It is the path of suffering and affliction and identification with those who suffer. For Weil, this was not speculative; she lived a mysticism of empathy. She identified so deeply, during WWII, with the suffering, that she basically starved herself to death. This was form of anorexia, but extremely deep and spiritual. It was not the anorexia nerviosa familiar to our psychologists, but anorexia mysterioso, the realm of saints and mystics. Monsignor John Oesterreicher, in The Bridge (1955) traced some of the psychology of Weil. As an adolescent, she felt negative about herself by comparison with an older brother who went on to become a world class mathematician. She seemed to have interiorized a negativity about herself as well as her femininity and specifically her womanly body. This may have been the psychic basis for her later anorexia, however spiritual. And so, her mysticism of identification with the suffering included an extraordinary negativity towards herself, her body and her femininity. She deeply experienced Christ, largely in his love for the suffering, but refused to be baptized into the Church. She shows here a strange "sacramental anorexia" in that she deprived herself of the nourishment, comfort and strength of the sacraments. Elon Musk, along these lines, has spoken of "suicidal empathy."  Weil is an exemplar of empathy in the extreme, unbalanced, and eventually self destructive.

Stein is by contrast feminine in a most wholesome way. She was the most respected student of the great Husserl the phenomenologist. High positions in academia were not open to women at that time in Germany (1920s) so she became a renowned speaker/thinker in women's circles. In anticipation of St. John Paul (another phenomenologist) she developed a positive philosophy of the unique genius of women. For example, in her thought about the education of women she saw that women, as more emotional and empathetic, need deliberate education of the intellect and will in order to be whole and good, in their femininity. She specifically treated empathy as the pathway by which phenomenology might move beyond the subjectivity and solipsism of phenomenology (attention to the experience without metaphysical declaration on what is real) into contact with the real, the true, the objective beyond the self-enclosure of the solitary self. In this she resembles Weil. Additionally, she developed a profound spirituality of the Cross which attended to the realities of suffering, renunciation and sacrifice. But her treatment of empathy led her to contact with reality and so into the classic Thomistic metaphysics of Being and epistemology of realism. As a cloistered nun, she embraced the masculine realism of St. Thomas. She herself died in Auscwitz, a martyr for her Jewishness. In the days preceding, she joyously, generously, heroically cared for those around her. She is the epitome of a radiant femininity, open to and expressive of truth, heroism, prudence, and wisdom.

Conclusion

Let us together give thanks and praise for our masculinity and femininity!

Let us open our hearts to a holy compassion, leavened by truth, justice, and purity

    as we tenderly esteem each other, man and woman, in our contrasting strengths and weaknesses,

   

Let us open our hearts to graces from heaven!

Do-Gooder in Recovery

"There is nothing I hate more than a do-gooder."  My much-loved Uncle Billy Gallagher.

Uncle Billy was a magnificent human being...and quite a character. Wounded and decorated veteran of WWII, he was highly intelligent, achingly funny, wildly eccentric. He worked for military intelligence for his adult life but never told a single family member. He lived the classic double life that is so congenial to the masculine psyche. Actually, he lived many lives: businessman, fisherman, avid reader, good brother/son/husband/father/uncle. Best of all, although he experienced the dark side of humanity, he retained a childlike Catholic faith until his death.

When he told me how he hated do-gooders, I laughed and pointed out that some would consider me a do-gooder. He dismissed that. I was not troubled by the remark: first, I was secure in his affection for me; second I think I know what he meant; third, I was well into recovery from my do-gooder condition.

In my early adulthood (age 18-26) I was a do-gooder-wanna-be, a failed social justice activist, a bleeding-heart-liberal. My conscience carried a heavy load: a pressing sense of obligation to the suffering and poor. As a devout, observant Catholic, I was neither Evangelical nor Pentecostal: I lacked intimacy with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. My duty-burdened spirit was, unknowingly, moralistic and activist...and quietly in a steady, low grade state of guilt and discouragement. Happily, I was delivered from this.

What is a Do-Gooder?

Real, genuine goodness is of its nature appealing, charming, delightful, fascinating and inspiring. It comes in two dimensions, natural and supernatural. Some people are naturally generous, affectionate, self-effacing; they evoke the same from us (unless we are deeply self-hating and envious). William James called these "first born." And then there is the "twice born"...those who confess their own badness and tap into supernatural goodness, grace from heaven, holiness. 

"Do-gooder" carries a negative connotation: as inauthentic, compromised...by self-righteousness, superiority, condescension, grievance, resentment or similar toxin. It suggests a messiah-complex. Can entail manipulation, intervention, excessive self-assurance. It does not come with self-awareness. It carries with it imprudence and rash judgement so that it can cause great damage even as deliberate intentions seem to be blameless. 

Case Study: Deaths in Minneapolis

The tragic deaths last month of activists Renee Good and Alex Pretti are instructive. What caused these deaths? The immediate cause in both cases was the panic of officers who felt their lives in danger. Their reactions were not entirely irrational as there was a gun and a driving car, both possibly lethal. Their response was almost certainly impulsive, indeliberate...without consideration... and largely involuntary in the moral sphere (whatever the eventual legal finding.) However, human events are always over-determined: caused by multiple factors. 

In this case, the victims contributed to the tragedy by imprudent decisions: they intervened against law enforcement, with lethal weapons of gun and car. Clearly, they saw themselves as rescuing unfortunate immigrants from hostile forces. The presence of a gun and the handling of the car (first obstructing and then fleeing the scene) endangered themselves, the officers and all nearby. They are seen as heroes and martyrs by some (including one bishop). We will leave judgment of their intentions to God. But a sober consideration reveals reckless, rash judgement.

With most Americans, I have strong sympathies for decent, ordinary, hardworking immigrant who are terrorized by the arrests. A law is not a law if it is not enforced. These people are not "illegals" any more than I am an illegal as I regularly drive down the NJ Parkway doing 75 in a 65 as well as a litany of rules and laws I disregard daily. The real "illegal" was the Biden/Harris administration who voided the law. 

On the other hand, I have sympathies for ICE officers: they are doing their job; they are enforcing, not breaking the law (notwithstanding some abuses); and they are implementing a policy of a President who promised it and validly won the election. Respect for democracy and rule of law proscribes the the aggressive interference practiced by Pretti, Good and company.  

They do not have a monopoly on rash judgement. (Sidebar: my view has long been that the most prevalent sin is against the 8th commandment: rash judgement! Yes, even more common than sins against chastity!) The Trump deportation of non-criminals is (in my view) unjust, cruel, polarizing and against our national interests in many ways. It is itself an imprudence, a rash judgement. But the broader "sanctuary movement" on the part of the Left, the refusal to cooperate in the arrest of real criminals, is a significant cause as well. The primal cause, of these two deaths and the entire national crisis, is the open border policy of Biden/Harris, an instance of breathtaking incompetence!

Free At Last!

Freedom, for me, from the inflictions of a do-gooder, came in 1973: along with my wife MaryLynn, I encountered the person of Jesus Christ in the Cursillo movement and then the workings of the Holy Spirit in the Charismatic Renewal. This was a Copernican religious revolution: my spiritual life no longer was defined by the unbearable burden of "doing good." Rather, I pivoted to "receive Good" from my Lord and Savior and in his Holy Spirit. I became a recipient: a very happy one at that! I resigned as a social justice activist. I relaxed in the love of Christ: primacy on reception, contemplation, community...and only then sharing the richness with others in compassion!

Later in adulthood, I discovered the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and was further inoculated against the condition. The self-aware compulsive (aren't we all such in some way?) is not an activist, a reformer, a do-gooder. The addict-in-recovery works his own inventory, sweeps his own sidewalk, mows his own lawn.  There is considerable joy in such smallness!

Evangelization?

I don't like the word! Sorry! But I don't like it. I know: St. Paul, St. Francis Xavier and many did just this. But I am not them.

"Evangelization" as the deliberate effort to convert others, to present the Gospel as to change hearts...as a deliberate campaign or act...is disagreeable to me. The changing of hearts is the work of the Holy Spirit...only! For me to aspire...by my efforts, speech, example, engagement...to change hearts seems presumptuous. 

I do not evangelize...not even the "new evangelization." (Sorry St. John Paul II!)

What I do like: Witness. Yes...witness is simple. A witness simply re-echoes what happened, what is real, true, good, beautiful. Yes, I aspire to echo that which I have seen, heard, felt, received, and know. To witness is to be true to who I am and to what I have encountered. It is not meant to change anyone else. However I am happily aware that it is just such simple, personal witness that the Holy Spirit uses, in his time and his way, to change hearts and minds.

Out to the Margins? I Don't Think So!

At his recent installation as Archbishop of NY, Ronald Hicks, echoed the favorite theme of Pope Francis: enough of the country club Church, we are moving out to evangelize the margins.

My approach is the opposite. Rather than go out to the margins, I aspire to draw into the heart of the Church and invite those on the margins into the warmth, safety, dignity and sanctity of the Church. 

For example, our residence for low income, especially special needs women. is in a convent. For decades holy women lived and prayed there. It is a holy place. We are not institutionally part of the Church; but the place is saturated with our faith. It is a home: a place of safety, peace, dignity, belonging...and Yes, the presence, however quiet, of God. We have 15 women; some are Catholic, some are not; some go to mass, some do not; some are comfortable with spontaneous, personal prayer, some not so much. But...when they come to live here, they are implicitly moving into the "house of God." 

We go into the Ocean County Jail every Friday morning and do a Catholic communion service. We share  the mass readings and receive communion. We comply entirely with jail rubrics. In doing so, we are not so much "going to the margins" as much as welcoming to the Eucharist brothers who have wandered out into those margins like the lost lamb.

Still a Do-Gooder in Recovery

So I remain a do-gooder-in-recovery. As I aspire to do good, I am well aware of mixed motives. No, my motivation is not pure. For example, there is part of me that craves feminine approval; and so, it pleases me to serve women. How much of my motivation is selfish, and how much generous? I cannot do the math. I leave that to God. It is good to do good. God loves me in my poverty; especially in my poverty and need. So I relax in this Love...love for me and those around me!

Getting Old, Growing Small

I am going on 80 years old; I used to be 6'3" but now am barely 6'. I am growing small.

I am happy about this. My aspiration is to become childlike in faith, increasingly innocent, into the "little way" of St. Therese. First: to receive God's grace, to listen to his word, to contemplate Him. Then, to be an agent of his mercy; to be servant of the little ones; to be receptive of and radiant of his holiness.

In An Age of (Trumpian) Political Hatreds: Protecting and Fortifying the Catholic Heart in Truth and Love

Marjorie Taylor Green, Erika Kirk, and Donald Trump

I was deeply moved myself, but MTG was converted, by a ray of the Holy Spirit, while she listened to the funeral of Charlie Kirk. Erika Kirk spoke of her husband, his specific love for young men who are adrift, of the young man who suffered and died for us, and the young man who murdered her husband. With tears flowing, by some poetic-mystical intuition, she converged the four young men; paused; and said "I forgive that young man." Not long afterwards, DJT spoke. With his extraordinary candor he flatly stated: "Erika forgives her enemy. I do not. I hate my enemies." Marjorie realized: as a Christian, she could not emulate Trump. She had to forgive and love the enemy like Erika. Her life changed. Very soon she was out of politics: despised now by both the liberals and the MAGA mob. May God's grace continue to guide her!

Trump: An Icon of Hatred

The crisis of our time, as always, is less political than spiritual: an explosion of hatred.

Trump is the epitome, the embodiment, the "sacrament" of hatred. This has become obvious over the last year.

His flaming narcissism, his near total disconnect from any objective order of the good and the true, his impulsivity are not the biggest problem. Narcissism is normal, especially in politics, entertainment and even the priesthood; it can remain somewhat benign when countervailed in the person by affection, respect, compassion, prayer. No, the demon here is hatred. He is a man of immense, overwhelming, enslaving hatreds.

His populist power comes from the channeling of the rage and resentment of the underclass against the liberal, elitist hegemon.  

He elicits immense hatred from his adversaries.

Moral conservatives like myself, thankful as he forcefully champions our concerns against our long term enemy, largely rationalize, minimize and dismiss the demonic powers he releases. Worse, we ourselves can be drawn into hatred of our political enemies.

He thrives on this mutuality in hatred. He is himself a force of nature, an extraordinarily powerful, influential, dynamic, even charismatic man. This reaches a preternatural level: he is something out of a Marvel comic. But it is even more: it is supernatural. He is literally "diabolic" in the etymological sense: to rupture or tear apart. He is rupturing our nation. Our families, friendships, Church and social fabric are being torn apart by the mimetic force of his hatred. The polarization he is causing is breathtaking! He is...we as a nation are...in need of exorcism. Literally.

Hatred

Like its opposite, love, hatred is a dense, deep human reality. It starts as a feeling...of distaste, disgust, revulsion. It can grow from being harmed, violated, oppressed as it penetrates more deeply into the heart as resentment, a permanent attitude or condition. It can arise out of envy: hatred of the one whose fullness reminds us of our own emptiness. It is characterized above all by contempt, the opposite of respect: view of the other as without any worth or value but deserving of hostility. It is, finally, ill will to the other: desire for and intent to destroy him.

Hate the Sin; Love the Sinner

More than any time in my lifespan I hear hatred on both sides of the divide. I myself am a double-hater. I can agree with both sides in their disgust. But then I remember what my mother always taught us: Hate the sin; love the sinner.

This is so simple. But not so easy to do. We hate evil: communism, Nazism, racism, pedophilia, human trafficking. But we are obliged to love the communist, the Nazi, the molester, the pimp.

When we refer to the other side as communist or fascist, we are generally expressing contempt, disgust, hatred. We are defining them, as a group, as deplorable.

The Catholic Heart

Hatred is fatal for the Catholic heart. This in two dimensions. First, destructive of the life of grace in the soul of the individual person. But secondly toxic for the communal person of the Church as a communion of love. From there it emanates out to poison society and the entire world.

It is hard to tell when feelings...anger, indignation, judgement...morph into sins of hatred. But for sure we need too countervail the movement into derangement in prayer and deliberateness in love.

We are invited to emulate Erika Kirk in her imitation of Christ.

To forgive, love and pray for our enemies: DJT, Joe Biden, Steve Miller, Tim Walz, Kamela Harris, JD Vance. 

To detach somewhat from national politics and minimize it in relation to our immediate, concrete life of love in family, friendship, work and community.

To deliberately consider the good in our adversaries. To collaborate with our opponents in the good wherever practical. 

To reach out across the divide...to listen respectfully, affectionately, humbly.

May God deliver us from demons of hatred and bless us ALL in humble, tender, reverent, mutual love!