Today being Good Friday, I review my 78th lent and find my fasting was well above my norm.
Confession of a Non-Faster
My norm is very low: not zero but close to it. I believe in fasting. Jesus himself said some demons cannot be cast out except with prayer and fasting, But I pretty much never fast. I can't fast. I have a constitutional aversion that I have not been able to overcome. But this lent I made some progress. Part of it may be that my appetite is diminishing as I age. The rest is God's grace.
I am product of my time and place: with my boomer generation, I am soft. We were protected, secure, comfortable, and generally indulged. We are not tough. Our parents were tough: Great Depression, War, large families, marvelous church, exploding economy, containment of communism, a peaceful and prosperous world order. Even now we retirees receive inordinate money from the government and sit on assets while the young cannot purchase homes. I am ashamed of myself and my cohort.
What I Have Learned About Fasting
1. Intercession.
The only thing that ever motivates me to fast, that overcomes my resistance, is intercession. At various times in my life, when someone dear to me was in trouble, I easily fasted as part of my intercession. Whenever I felt hungry I thought of my dear one. I felt an aversion to eating. For example, I have done the three day fast on liquids only. After the first difficult day, it became easier as my stomach shrank. When I broke the fast I was not terribly hungry. Additionally there is the well known physical benefit f the purging.
2. Spiritual Leisure: Freedom from Stress
I cannot fast when I am at all stressed. In 12-step spirituality we learn (HALT) to avoid becoming Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired as our tendency is to treat these with our preferred addiction. I would add to that stress. Stress for me is aggravated by hunger. Eating comforts me and diminishes anxiety. For example, my current schedule has me attending to the needs of our home for women on Monday and Tuesday: paperwork, repairs, personal problems. There is a lot going on. I do not even think about fasting. This may be part of why I avoided fasting: most of my adult life had me engaged in a degree of stress. There is some wisdom in this. The non-fasting may have been in part a prudent if humbling deference to my psychological weakness.
3. Spiritual Leisure and Delight.
The underlying psychology of my daily routine has me looking forward to my next meal, however modest. Eating may be the most steady, dependable, satisfying aspect of my day. For me to fast I need to replace those delightful punctuations with spiritual ones. So, I can fast when I know I will take a long, quiet walk; spend time in Church, alone; do some spiritual reading; maybe even take a nap. In short, my craving for pleasure and delight gets redirected to the spiritual. Fasting becomes easy.
4. Communal, not Individual.
Catholic fasting is not an act of the will by a solitary individual. It is a corporate thing. Everyone is giving up meat and eating fish on Friday. Everyone! We are by nature intrinsically mimetic and social; and so it is with fasting. Recall that the preaching of Jonah provoked all of Nineveh, from king to the animals, to fast in contrition. In the catechetical confusion that prevailed after 1965, fasting fell of fashion in progressive circles. Traditional Lenten practice indicated fast, prayer and alms. But up-to-date priests would dismiss fasting in favor of acts of charity. This was a huge mistake: charity and discipline work together, not against or in place of each other. The pendulum is swinging back. Fasting is cool again. My nephew is doing Exodus 90, a demanding program of masculine discipline. A grandson gave up all sweets; another takes cold showers; my wife gave up wine. I love to hear these things. They encourage me. And I feel that I am a little part of a very large ecclesial movement. Every Ash Wednesday Jesus directs us to our rooms to fast quietly and covertly rather than seek approval. That valid truth needs to be balanced: we need let our light shine so as to encourage and strengthen each other, in the mimetics of holiness.
Tomorrow evening we will transition within the Paschal Mystery into Easter, 50 days of festivity and feast. May the Holy Spirit deepen, intensify, purify, and strengthen us in communion, compassion, and spiritual delight!