Disordered, Toxic Masculinity

If masculinity is gentle strength, then the defects in it will regard first strength and then gentleness. So, my observation is that defective, disordered, toxic virility takes these forms:

1.  Weakness.  The opposite of virility, fortitude, energy, nobility, heroism...is to be feeble, impotent, indecisive, timid, sterile, defensive and fearful. To become a strong man, a boy needs an itinerary of formation in which he competes, achieves, fails, cooperates and is mentored, disciplined, and above all encouraged. Above all encouraged! A developing boy needs to be strengthened within himself by the  affirmation of his mentors and peers. Our culture, over the last 50 years, has systematically and viciously dismantled all such rituals of passage. So, we are suffering a pandemic of enfeebled men: it is not really their fault.

2.  Violence.  On the other extreme, the testosterone-fueled energy and brute strength of many men...when not mentored, ordered, directed...can explode viciously, violating those around, especially women, children and the weak. And so, we see the abuse of women, particularly, in many ways all over the world.

3.  Lust. Lust is completely different from wholesome sexual desire and attraction, which has about it a tenderness, a reverence, a courtesy, and a nobility. Lust makes the other an object to be misused. Lust is a regression into infantile compulsions about escape, comfort, enclosure. Lust is emasculating and degrading. Lust, since the sexual revolution 50 years ago, has exploded in a pandemic of porn addiction and is rarely mentioned in education, media or even Church.

4.  Disgust for Femininity.  The developing adolescent psyche is competitive, analytic, abstract, isolated, logical, deductive, distanced, hierarchical, binary and aggressive.  By strongest contrast, the female psyche is cooperative, synthetic, embodied, relational, intuitive, inductive, compassionate, democratic, inclusive, and receptive. In the best case scenario, the young man, already well loved by mother and sisters, befriends the young woman; falls in love; comes to cherish and admire her; and to value her way which perfectly completes and complements his own. But, in this imperfect world, the immature, insecure male brain (even of those in their 70s and 80s) is singularly unprepared to understand and cherish the female brain. He will see her as weak, illogical, overly emotional, and indecisive. He will even despise her, in her very femininity.

5.  Egotism. The male ego, of its nature and even at its best, is isolated, autonomous, fragile, brittle, non-porous and prone to malignant expansion. If not properly nurtured by wise maternal love and not mentored by prudent paternal love, this ego moves fiercely into arrogance, narcissism, defensiveness and aggression.

Consider the agony of the insecure, immature young man: he is lonely, insecure and defensive; largely bereft of paternal encouragement; overwhelmed by sexual, romantic longing; prone to explosions of rage; and disparaging of  the very femininity he desires. This is a perfect storm!

When we combine any of these four, we have a poisonous cocktail: a man, weak within, who vents his anger on the femininity he despises even as he objectifies her for his own pleasure. This is the cool aid that has been served up by the Cultural Revolution, that has been devoured by Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, Roger Aisles and so many others.  It is a sad story!