Wounded Femininity

As director of boarding homes for women I have observed these wounds:

1.  Anxiety. By far the most pervasive, profound and destructive consequence of the violation and neglect of women is anxiety. Unlike fear which is focused and targeted (e.g. I am afraid of being attacked, of failure, of rejection), anxiety is dispersed, global, generalized and without an identifiable cause. The feminine nature...organically, emotionally, spiritually, and every which way...is open, welcoming and receptive and therefore vulnerable to hostile intrusion. If not properly protected and sheltered by father and then husband (or surrogates) she is threatened in a manner that is inclusive, universal, penetrating. So, we see panic attacks. We see hysteria, a distinctively feminine condition, a dark, toxic even fatal potentiality for femininity. Such is the contradiction of womanliness since it directly attacks the woman's mission: to surrender, in trust, to Love and then radiate that Love as serenity, joy, generosity and grace.

2.  Shame. Quiet, hidden, camouflaged and anonymous, shame is toxic in an even more profound, penetrating manner. Guilt, by contrast, is regret about a specific wrong-doing and so, like fear, has a precise object: I am sorry I hit you. It is easily resolved: repent, ask for forgiveness, make amends, firmly resolve not to repeat the act. Shame, like anxiety, is inclusive, global; resistant to cure; and settles like a dark storm giving an interior sense of being disapproved, unworthy, even repulsive. Even deeper, if less obvious, than anxiety, it attacks a woman at her core: her heart, soul and intellect that should rest joyfully and serenely in awareness of her inherent loveliness and dignity. It is not resolved by an act of contrition. Giving feelings of being unlovable, disgusting, and rejected, shame steals the very soul of a woman. Even worse, it can be hidden and not recognized by its victim.

3.  Self-Hatred.  Shame, covertly, can lead a woman to despise herself in her very femininity. This takes many shapes: negative body self-image, cutting, substance abuse, and promiscuity. Anorexia and other eating disorders seem to be a very specific attack against the female body: deliberately starving and killing it. It can take a machismo form as the woman mimics male comportment, often at its worst: foul language, aggressiveness, achievement-obsession, licentiousness, desire for power and egotism. Jealousy and envy are also expressions of self-hatred.

4.  Love Addiction.  A girl denied paternal affection and affirmation may crave masculine love and so give herself away, cheaply and promiscuously, and open herself to further abuse. Lust addiction is more prevalent among men but love craving is common to women. The entire glamour, entertainment, celebrity, and plastic surgery markets all cater to and inflame this wound.

5.  Resentment.  Wounded by masculine violence or neglect, it is unavoidable that women resent men. Much (not all) of the feminist movement of the last 50 years is thus motivated, as it emulates the very male pathology that wounded it.

6.  Control.  Since Eve grabbed for the fruit,  women are tempted to control things. This directly contradicts their vocation to surrender in trust, to receive gratefully and joyfully. The wicked queen or the evil stepmother is a vivid image of woman turned vicious and threatening.

7.  Suspicion. After the Fall, the posture inherent to femininity, that of trust and reception, has largely been replaced by suspicion, fear and defensiveness. This can express itself in aggression or timidity.

We Catholics honor the seven sorrows of Mary. Similarly, these, I suggest, are the seven sorrows or wounds I have observed of so many women. Consideration of them may move us men to the tenderness and reverence women deserve.