I have long been keenly aware of mentors and close friends who have personally influenced me over the years. But Ephraim Radner ("Culture of Parricide" in First Things 11/26) alerted me to another reality I have underrated: the "worlds of men," hundreds who have structured my reality...quietly, humbly, honorably. They have done this in a more objective, impersonal, detached way; less subjective, interior and interpersonal. There is a masculinity about this. The male is inherently more solitary, independent, and autonomous than the female. As father of the family, he assumes a lonely position of responsibility and authority and therefore is trained for a fundamental solitude. And so, the world of men, compared with that of women, is more detached, independent, impersonal, objective. We might add that the Catholic Church, under a male hierarchy, has about it a similar objectivity in dogma, worship and style in contrast to pietisms of subjectivity and emotion. We can also agree (as a sidebar) with Helen Andrews that in the last 80 years our society, including the Church, has largely lost an inner core of masculine objectivity. (See her "The Great Femininization" in Compact.)
My Uncles and my Father's Friends.
I think often of the "world of men" of my childhood. I grew up in the shadow of five uncles and my fathe'rs friends, the "Friday Nighters" who drank beer, joked, played golf and handball together. I was not personally close to any one of them, but I observed them and emulated them. They were all WWII veterans, an admirable, honorable, modest group. Most practiced their Catholic faith in a humble, inarticulate fashion. They never spoke of the war. They joked and laughed a lot. They talked (Democratic) politics, union business, and sports. They demonstrated affection, but not in an intimate fashion. They maintained a degree of attachment. They elicited deep respect.
Parish and School: Priests, Brothers, Sisters
And so we Catholic come of age in the Church, an objective community. It is great if you are personally befriended by a priest, sister or brother. But that is not the norm. Our intimacy needs are met by family and friends. But generally the Church is an objective, stable structure of meaning, guidance, support and comfort when needed. My own family benefited from our parish priests, Christian Brothers and Sisters of Charity.
Maryknoll College Seminary
I cherish memories of my college years 1965-9, but sometimes regret that the fine Maryknoll priests who taught us did not personally befriend us. Yet, they did provide a marvelous environment in which we studied, prayed, and developed classmate friendships. They were in the background. Yet, that was precious in its own virile, impersonal manner.
Adult Life
I worked for 25 years in UPS, mostly in supervision. This is a very virile world. Informally it is truck drivers, lots of machismo. Formally it is an intensively capitalistic, competitive, efficient, hard-driving company. I enjoyed the camaraderie, the union/labor combat, the challenges. I was never mentored, but benefited from alliance with my fellow supervisors. I did not continue any friendships after my early retirement. Yet, it provided a strongly masculine, objective, Church-like (in some ways) structure in which I matured and provided for my family.
I worked closely with intelligent, holy Sisters of Charity, Felicians, and Dominicans. Again: they together created a strong, Catholic world of education.
I benefited from engagement with Jesuits and Franciscan Friars of the Renewal. Again, in addition to some personal relationships, I benefited from the "world" they created.
What is this "World of Men?"
This refreshing world is devoid of sentimentality, emotionalism, gossip, pettiness, narcissism, histrionics, self-pity, victimization, indignation, and melodrama.
It is modest, quiet, humorous, good-natured, industrious, competitive, confident, disciplined, reliable, stable, ordered.
It is authoritative, competent, rational, intelligent, modest, institutional, and heroic when necessary.
It is a world of men who love and serve their women and children, humbly and chastely.
It is a world that abides with us still, in the chaos of modernity, and a world we do well to cherish and develop.
As Uncle and Grandfather
This line of thought is comforting to me with my 31 nephews/nieces and 30 grandchildren. I love each one. Am I personally close to all 61? No. But that is alright. We love and respect each other. I am an integral, small but significant, part of their world. For us this largely means the Church. This is the Communion of Saints, here on earth. This world is not subjective or emotional, but objective, true, good, beautiful, dogmatic, sacramental, institutional, reliable, stable, permanent and merciful. From this world we all draw life, and to it we make our own personal donation.
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