St. Monica, on her deathbed in 387 to her son Augustine in grief that she would not be laid with her ancestors in North Africa: "Lay this body anywhere and take no trouble over it. One thing only do I ask of you: that you remember me at the altar of the Lord wherever you may be.."
I have long envied now-recently-deceased Wendel Berry with his trans-generational sense of place in his Kentucky farm. Similarly, I am jealous of Jersey City families with whom we raised our children in that their entire families live near them, some firemen and police, in that city. Our family is scattered: NJ, Pa, Illinois, and Kentucky. We raised our family in Jersey City over half a century; none of us live there now. My own roots are deep: St. John's, Orange NJ, where my maternal great-grandfather helped build the Church, my paternal great-grandfather taught in the school, and today my priest-nephew says mass every Sunday: that is six generations over at least 140 years. We are all of us now re-rooted happily in new locations. That is fine, as long as everyone is at mass on Sunday.
I am charismatic Catholic. Involvement in a prayer group and reception of "release of the Holy Spirit" in 1973 transformed my faith and defined our subsequent family and life. With the exception of my niece's husband, no one in our extended family of about 160 is charismatic in this sense. That is fine, as long as they are in mass on Sunday. Most are.
In young adulthood, the 1970s, my 20s, our elite culture turned anti-Catholic and I became a Culture Warrior on the right and have been such ever since. Our children share our values, but none are exactly certified Culture Warriors. That is fine, at least they are Catholic.
Diplomatically, I am a strong internationalist, Catholic neo-Conservative hawk. My view of the world is structured by the Churchill/Chamberlain contrast; WWII; and the Cold War. Notwithstanding the flaws of Late-Post-Protestant-USA, she is a redeeming presence in a world of bad actors. The younger generations are not so hawkish. That is ok; as long as they are Catholic.
I consider myself a practitioner of the 12-steps. In dealing with my personal patterns of codependency and compulsivity, I have benefited from the literature, friendships and meetings including AA, Alanon, SA, EA (Emotions Anonymous), and aligned groups Suicide Survivor Support Group and Dr. Lowe's Recovery meetings. I qualify for Cancer-Surviver-Support-Group but have not participated. (Yes I am aware that I resemble here the Ed Norton character in Fight Club !😏 ) I am unaware of any family members involved in such programs. But that is fine; as long as they are sons and daughters of the Church.
Since high school I have been enthusiastic about the Catholic-Jewish dialogue, especially over the years at Seton Hall University. My children do not particularly share this interest. That is not important; what matters is their Catholic faith and practice.
I have aspired to live a radical, countercultural life of friendship with the poor...like Dorothy Day, Mother Teresa, the Friars of the Renewal, and such. We have actually lived a fairly "normie" middle class, parish-Catholic life. Our children show tendencies to non-bourgeois, bohemian Catholicism: one has 9 another 7 children, one has received 2 foster children, another lives the evangelical life of poverty/chastity/obedience, all are deeply involved in their children largely parochial schools. But we are no Catholic Worker family. That is okay. I don't so much care if we are low, middle or upper class; or even the 1%; as long as everyone is at mass on Sunday.
I subscribe to the NY Times and have read it, religiously on Sundays, for 65 years. I watch Bret Baer on Fox News every night at 6 PM. Young people today don't take to newspapers or cable news. Not to worry. As long as they get to Church Sunday.
Our offspring are athletic; I am not. Lots of track; also basketball, soccer, football. The males love pro and college sports; I do not; so I join the women when talk turns to sports. The only thing I was halfway decent in was 3-wall, outdoor handball in college seminary. My partner, Tim, was one of the best athletes in the school so we were competitive. Athletically, those were my glory days. Today, no one in my family plays handball. I don't mind. I am just happy they all are in Church on Sunday.
I love this blog. My wife, family and friends mostly don't care about my thoughts. But my blog is always there...waiting to receive every word. In our immediate family of 45, I am aware of one, my daughter-in-law, who may read the blog regularly. In my extended family of about 160, my nephew reads it daily. There are also two friends. And recently, my granddaughter's boyfriend. Total of 5. And then some irregulars. My "brand" is modest. I am not exactly a celebrity influencer! Hey! It is what it is! That is fine! We are all together, Sunday, at the Eucharist, wherever we happen to be.
Sure it can be lonely sometimes: no one with whom to pray in tongues, play 3-wall handball, discuss a Times opinion piece, root against the IRG, Putin, Hamas and the Cultural Conservatives, or work the steps! But you are never really lonely within the Communion of Saints: us militants in this world, the souls in purgatory and the triumphant saints!
In earlier essays, I identified seven flavors of Catholicism in our family: the Charismatic, the Notre Dame-booster-athletic-positive-confident-Americanist, Communion and Liberation, the Neocatechumenate, Ignatian Progressivism, Neo-Conservatism, and traditional Eucharistic-Marian devotionalism. These are all good options.
But no-frills-standard-generic-parish-Catholicism is simple, clear, straightforward: mass on Sundays and holydays (Don't forget holydays!), confession of mortal sin as needed, obedience to 10 commandments and 6 laws of the Church, loyalty to state of life (marriage or religious vows), reception of the Gospel from the Church, love of neighbor as yourself, and love of God...Father, Son, Holy Spirit...with all your mind, and all your heart and all your soul and all your strength.
We happily observe our grandchildren growing and doing many marvelous things. But at the end of the day, one thing matters: To live in the heart of the Church and travel the road to holiness.
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